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Thoughts taking up 70% of my day

(6 Posts)
amcclements28 Mon 09-Nov-15 16:52:11

Husband cheated on me.
Saw texts on his phone from a women I was aware of, but wondered why they would be connected. I asked him straight up, he LIED, and said she had been pursuing him and now pestering (think I knew deep down this was bull..)
I found her on good old Facebook and confronted her to just back off ( more politely than she deserved, must add she herself is married with a baby)

Message back from her, saying she had been seeing husband for 6 months and they had slept together a few times and he was saying he was IN LOVE WITH HER?!

Cut it short it all kicked off her hub, he said he said all of that as it's what she wanted hear etc, I thought I owe I to our marriage to forget this stupid ordeal and move on.
2 months later we were out with a group of friends at a local bar, this vile woman walks in, dressed.. Well, put it nicely like she's a lady of the night...
I tell hub we need to go, I am not a shout in public sort of lady, he said okay sure, finish drink, have a cig outside and we will leave.
(He was super drunk by this point which bothers me anyway)

After 20 mins I noticed he was no where to be found and NEITHER was she...
We leave and his phone non stop rings and texts come through, I grab this phone and he quickly deletes all texts.
He passes out and I listen to a voice mail on his phone ....
"How can you just walk out and not talk to me after what we just did in the toilet together, I know you still want me, let me know"

I wake his ass up and demand to know what happened. Yes, they had sex in the bat toilets WHILE I was about 20 meters away.

This was a year ago and it's playing on my mind 70% of the day, I feel horrid about myself, my body, "am I not fun enough"
I don't want to feel this way anymore, I want to leave but am a house mummy and don't even have my own access to money anymore.
The pain is unbareable now. HOW can someone be that Utterly mean and selfish

AnchorDownDeepBreath Mon 09-Nov-15 16:57:51

It's your brain telling you that you can't stay. This is unforgivable.

If you are married, see a solicitor and find out where you'd stand if you divorced. Ask him to leave for a while, if you need immediate peace. You'll feel better once he's gone - it'll be different and change is scary, but you won't be consumed by this anymore.

He can't change, so don't give him another chance. He proved that to you again and again. He even told you that he was just saying what the other woman wanted to hear, when he was doing exactly the same to you!

Her dress sense is by-the-by, she should have been able to come in naked and twerking and your husband should not have noticed nor cared, because he has no interest in her. Likewise, if she'd come in dressed in some smelly old clothes and looking like she had the plague, he'd still have slept with her in the toilet.

You can either take serious steps to leave him now, or you can wait until this consumes you entirely. You can't forgive him, though, your brain isn't going to let you, and it sounds like he shouldn't be forgiven anyway. He doesn't give a damn.

loveyoutothemoon Mon 09-Nov-15 17:18:02

Why are you still with him a YEAR after finding out they were shagging in the same pub as you?! That's incredibly unbelievable.

amcclements28 Mon 09-Nov-15 18:31:46

I WAS such a strong woman, and I don't know why this has ripped me down, so strong in fact this should of been the easiest choice of my life to leave asap!
I have no money of my own and he won't leave "his house" so I'd have to go.. It think it already has completely consumed me and broken me as a person

AnchorDownDeepBreath Mon 09-Nov-15 18:48:28

It's probably a shared house, if you're married. But first things first, find a solicitor tomorrow. They will be relatively used to helping women who have no access to funds. Usually you can agree to pay out of your divorce settlement, I believe. Find one that does half an hour free, and get some advice on what you are entitled too.

You do need to get away, though. Staying will just crush you even further. The longer you stay, the more damage you have to undo, and it always takes longer to rebuild than be knocked down in the first place.

You can do this. You deserve better.

amcclements28 Mon 09-Nov-15 18:58:57

I didn't know you could pay out of your settlement! That has reduce my anxiety a lot!
I know how pathetic I must sound to of stayed this long, if this was any of my friends or family I would have several things to say about such an disgusting man

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