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how to cope with discovering your true sexuality after kids

(3 Posts)
soitgoes Mon 09-Nov-15 14:48:41

So I've been with my DP for 7 years and we have 2 DCs, I'm in my late 20s and before him i had a few serious and casual relationships with other men. But now it gets complicated.. I am started to come to accept the fact that I think I have repressed my true sexuality for all this time, despite seeking out lesbian fiction and porn form around age 15 and my fantasies always involving women I always dismissed this as being normal.. looking back i didn't really fancy any boys for a long time at school but put it down to being a late developer. I did then have some pretty full on crushes on boys and then obviously boyfriends, though many of these started I think through my being flattered at the attention. I've never had an orgasm with a man, though plenty on my own! Physically I'm enjoying sex but there always seems to be a mental barrier i can't let down.
I'm so confused and recently I am obsessing about it, I feel like it is taking over my life, its all i can think about. I am constantly searching for lesbian related stuff online, watching films and tv shows with lesbians in. Whenever I see lesbian marriages or relationships on them it gives me this happy warm feeling inside. ARGH.. I don't know what to do. I'm not sure what advice I'm after, I just needed to write that down and get it off my chest. Ive always been of the sexuality is fluid I'm probably bisexual even though i haven't been with a woman, now I'm thinking I'm maybe completely gay and missing out on being truly happy.

Mandatorymongoose Mon 09-Nov-15 16:29:02

I can't really offer you any advice on coping with or deciding on your sexuality. Although I've personally always felt it to be something that can be quite fluid and certainly a spectrum rather than as simple as straight and gay.

However, I can maybe offer a little reassurance as the child of a DM who came out post-DCs. I don't think it adversely effected me in any way really, my parents divorce was difficult as most are for children but my DM sexuality was never an issue. She has a long term partner who is very much part of our family. Kids at school would occasionally try to tease about it but "eerr your mum's gay" "Yes she is" doesn't really go anywhere!

I hope you find what makes you happy.

TooSassy Mon 09-Nov-15 18:28:08

Do you still love your DP?
Are you still intimate?
Do you want to stay together?

I'm just trying to understand if your discovering your true sexuality will impact your existing relationship? If you love him and want to be with him, does it matter?

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