Hello All!
This is my first time posting and actually going on this site but my work colleague said she got great advice going though some of the hardest times in her life.
So here go's.
In a nutshell I met my partner 5 years ago things have been up and down but we stuck it out together, my family disowned me or being with him due to cultural/race reasons- but I stuck with him.
He was he most gentle, caring, charming guy I had ever met a few months into our relationship I found out that he had been lying to me but because I stupidly loved him and his apology seemed so genuine I decided o continue with him but I needed some space so I moved up north to continue with my studies and he followed me up. Eventually we moved back down to his parents house to save for a house.
Lots of things have happened but to cut it short we went through 3 miscarriages and he really really wanted to get married have a baby etc. And a week ago I found out that he was messaging a girl so I confronted him and contacted her- I was devastated I found out I was pregnant.
The girl had no idea he was in a relationship and said she would not contact him. I felt so stupid as I was working roughly about 90 hours a week to support us and I was paying for everything including his phone etc and supporting his family and helping to put his sister through university etc. And I was at home doing his laundry etc, and he told me he loved me that day and he was off with her.
He said he wouldn't contact her again and wanted to try again- I thought I owed myself and the baby that and I did love him and he kept saying he was in love with me and wanted the baby etc.
This week I was getting a lot of pain in my stomach and called the doctors he said he would take me to hospital but had to phone his boss to say he wasn't going in to work, I waited 20 min and tried to phone him but his phone was off, I had to phone his cousin to help me- she messaged his boss to let him know we were going to the hospital and to tell my partner. It turns out he was at work- he never came t the hospital because he fell asleep.
On this same day I asked him out right if he was seeing someone, he kept denying it but then said he was talking to that girl again and he could not stop but still wanted to marry me and be with me because he loved and was in love with me. I asked him why in gods name he got me pregnant and he said" because he wanted to keep me in his life" and I "deserved to have a baby". He said he slept with and didn't use protection he actually said he wanted to have his cake and eat it. He also said that he told her I was a crazy ex girl friend that was stalking him and that he was not telling her about the pregnancy, the fact he had a nine year old and that he was living with me. H told me he wanted me to help him leave, and he wasn't going to tell his parents anything- I would have to explain everything.
I just sat in shock- I cant even describe the pain I felt.
I went out and found our vehicle found the girls number and contacted her again - at the time I thought that as he kept saying he loved me etc and he didn't love her maybe if I could talk to her make her realise that he was in a relationship that she would break it off and he would concentrate on the baby and his son. Wrong- I was so wrong.
He found me talking to her and assaulted me, it took 3 men and 4 other people to get him off me- he was arrested then bailed. He took all my ID, bank cards, work lap top and ID so I would find it difficult to leave his parents house. The refuges wont take me because I have no ID.
He came back to the house and hes more upset about the girl not talking to him then about what he has done.
He wants nothing to do with the baby, and refuses to return my belongings, his parents want me to leave asap as apparently I pushed him into this by contacting the girl. I have no friends as he made it difficult, I have no family.
Looking back I have realised he slowly isolated me from my friends, my life, my education anything that made me and I allowed it.
I don't now if I can do this on my own. I don't understand why he did this- he did this to his ex too. I don't understand why he lies and why he would expect me to be ok with everything he is doing. Nobody believes my side because he s charming and its making me feel like im insane.
I feel utterly heart broken and betrayed, If he said he didn't want to be with me I could cope with that but he strung me along got be pregnant swore on his sons life he want cheating on me, slept with me .........
I don't know how to pick myself up, Im frightened of whats going to happen- I have a good job but work as a contractor- I have a high risk pregnancy - his family wont help.
Any advice? Or people who have been through something similar?
Thanks
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
How to react to "I got your preganant s you would stay in my life....I love you and Im cheating on you"
ezeta2 · 08/11/2015 13:39
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