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BF of 2 1/2 years didn't tell me he was taken to hospital.

(169 Posts)
Offred Sat 07-Nov-15 21:56:07

In an ambulance and kept in for two days until today (3 days later) and only mentioned it because he was already late coming round to see me and he wanted comfort from me.

He asked the hospital to phone his mum, he emailed his work. He thinks I didn't need/shouldn't want to know and is angry I was upset with him.

I realise I do not have any right at all to know about anyone else's medical conditions. I simply feel hurt that when he was thinking through/being asked who should be told he didn't think I should/would want to know as it makes me feel unimportant.

I have spent two sleepless nights (while he was in hospital) fearing I was being given the silent treatment for not being up for sex chat on weds eve and being upset at the weekend.

He says me being upset now is why he doesn't tell me things but I am always upset when he avoids things or lies and tries to manage my feelings. I have never been upset when he has been honest, even about difficult things.

I'm not mental am I? He doesn't really give a shit about me when he isn't getting something he wants from me...

Handywoman Sat 07-Nov-15 22:00:40

You're not mental. What people do at times like this can be quite revealing.

If this is in line with a previous hunch about being at the bottom of his priorities (as I suspect from his lame comment about not telling you stuff it is) then I'd say you probably need to bin.


Offred Sat 07-Nov-15 22:08:07

Yes, that's what I thought.

The backstory is unbelievably embarrassing for me tbh.

He had a 2 year long EA (only not PA because she constantly rejected him) which involved him flaunting his OW in front of me then telling me I ruined nights out by being anxious and irrationally jealous and where he went for a weekend away and many drinks with OW and unbelievably set up extra voluntary work working with her so that they could spend 7 days a week with her (she works with him). During this time he gaslighted me, used my history of abuse to do it, told me I deserved his treatment, angrily raged at me, until I felt so awful I ended up in A&E scared I would kill myself because I felt utterly worthless and evil.

I have left him so many times. He works his way back in.

He once let himself into my house at 3am while I was sleeping after I broke up with him because he was 'anxious to explain that everything was a misunderstanding'. I stupidly didn't make a fuss because the DC were asleep.

I can't actually believe I took him back AGAIN. Fucking hell, and even believed his token efforts were change...

Offred Sat 07-Nov-15 22:10:43

I've even spent thousands looking after the dog he abandoned and leant him nearly £1000. When he suggests we eat out he orders food Knowing he hasn't got the cash and asks me to 'sub him'. I've never seen a penny back. He bought a £200 TV recently.

WTAF have I been doing?!

Duckdeamon Sat 07-Nov-15 22:17:37


Handywoman Sat 07-Nov-15 22:17:59

Oh Offred my love you need to:

Change the locks
Block him, delete his number

And try and look after yourself


Offred Sat 07-Nov-15 22:21:53

One year I was sad that we wouldn't see each other at all over Christmas. He invited me out for a Christmas Eve drink with his 'friends', turned out he'd planned drinks with OW and invited me as an afterthought - I was 'crazy, jealous paranoid' for being upset!

2 years later he finally admitted he had feelings for her and had all along so not crazy at all and never was.

Writing to myself now I think. I'm so fucking angry at him. Twat.

Recently has been me: "how can I trust you again if you are still lying to me about stuff?" Him: "I've said sorry, I can't do anything else, stop dragging up the past. Are you trying to break up with me? I feel so insecure!" <sob>

WTAF... I'm so angry at him right now... So fucking angry...

When I thought I was pregnant where was he? Nowhere. When I had suspected meningitis where was he? Nowhere. When I failed my finals where was he? Nowhere... Where was I whenever he needed me no matter what? With him... He even makes fun of me for coughing when I have a cold....

I'm so fucking angry.

Offred Sat 07-Nov-15 22:25:03

I moved house. He doesn't have a key. He has asked many times but I will not give him one because of what he did before.

Offred Sat 07-Nov-15 22:26:00

He bought the TV so he can play Xbox with his loser mates on a bigger screen... FFS...

alicemalice Sat 07-Nov-15 22:29:14

At least you don't live with him, that's something to be thankful for.

He sounds appalling.

Offred Sat 07-Nov-15 22:31:15

I'm incredibly grateful I don't live with him...

I'm incredibly grateful I decided yesterday not to wait to find out if I was wanted today and make other plans. He is sat alone in his stupid flat in pain while I've had an absolutely brilliant evening out with my kids and my ex MIL...

Offred Sat 07-Nov-15 22:32:18

I know it is wrong really but right now I am enjoying the thought of him sitting by himself in pain having expected me to run round and care for him...

Offred Sat 07-Nov-15 22:32:40

Knowing I have had loads of fun doing something he would ordinarily have enjoyed without him.

Offred Sat 07-Nov-15 22:39:30

I bought him the Xbox for his birthday, I bought him his fucking phone, I paid for him to move into his frigging flat... Seriously? I HAVE been mental but not in the way he says...

Offred Sat 07-Nov-15 22:42:31

And what he got me for my birthday? A sex toy, for him, that he couldn't afford and that I had to top up when we got to the till...

The birthday before was my 30th, he did nothing for it because he was angry at me...

Offred Sat 07-Nov-15 22:43:29

Sorry I just need to have a reminder of all this stupid stuff that is not just in my face on my computer.

goodnightdarthvader1 Sat 07-Nov-15 22:44:53

Offred, I see you on here giving great advice to posters in shit relationships... Hun, what are you doing??? LTB!

Offred Sat 07-Nov-15 22:46:27

He was a friend. Other friends warned me he was dodgy tbh. I stupidly allowed him to convince me to go out with him almost immediately after I left my emotionally abusive XH.

I was not thinking straight. He's not helped with that TBH! understatement

Offred Sat 07-Nov-15 22:48:47

I've been assertive and angry and put him in his place today tbh. He asked if I wanted to see him tomorrow and I said no.

Sit in your flat and feel sorry for yourself you fuckhead, honestly, I am utterly enraged now.

Offred Sat 07-Nov-15 22:50:14

His stonkingly brilliant Xmas presents have been nothing and a 4 pack of crabbies! Ha ha ha! What a div...

Offred Sat 07-Nov-15 22:51:26

He's absolutely been lucky he caught me on a downer and kept me for a fair fucking while. He absolutely does not deserve me and he never has....

Offred Sat 07-Nov-15 22:51:59

I feel more like me than I have in years..

Eminado Sat 07-Nov-15 22:53:58

I read the first two lines of the back story bit of your 2nd post and I had to put my phone down for a bit.

Please just end this.
Life is just too short for this level of fuck wittery.

outputgap Sat 07-Nov-15 22:55:32

Dear god, Offred, bin this total loser. He is horrible to you. Horrible.

Good for you for not seeing him tonight and tomorrow. Make sure you extend that to never again.

gallicgirl Sat 07-Nov-15 22:55:52

Stay angry and tell him to get stuffed . He sounds like a right nobber.

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