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Dying Dad,sister in drugs raid and husband still an unsupportive arse please help

(19 Posts)
whatisforteamum Sat 07-Nov-15 20:03:33

For all my dhs problems lately with his anger/temper and days out alone i decided to leave my long term job and get a better one where i was respected.This was an easy transition apart from my car being hit by a lorry and written off.
Our ds told us he is gay,,fine except dh found it hard to accept.then we found money had gone into his account from a man online (more stress).i looked around for a room to rent some even have age restrictions and im only late 40s!!.
All the while dh either ignores me or shouts at the slightest thing,even at dd not just me which is hugely embarrassing in public.I am at a loss df was so ill this week he couldnt stand up to get to the loo as the cancer in his spine was soo painful a wheelchair is being arranged.
Then i find out my adopted d sis house was in a police drug raid this week.My quiet polite non drinking Mum cant believe it.We tried to tell mum she had married a believed dealer and they were arrestd,Meanwhile my "DH" is out today and has a golf minibreak this week.Suggestions pls i know the job swop was easy enough and im happy but what about the marriage in tatters with other stress should we just legally separate for now or would that be worse ?

whatisforteamum Sat 07-Nov-15 20:51:08


Thattimeofyearagain Sat 07-Nov-15 20:56:32

I'd get out of the marriage.

thornrose Sat 07-Nov-15 20:57:50

Wow, you have a lot on your plate!

You mention your dh's problems lately. Had things been OK between you before? Why is he so angry now do you think?

Inexperiencedchick Sat 07-Nov-15 21:27:28

flowers sorry you are going through this.

whatisforteamum Sat 07-Nov-15 21:30:12

He was lovely for yrs if boring and we didnt have too much in common then he had a heart attack 2 yrs this week and became an angry rude person and selfish to the extreme.i can see a heart attack is a wake up call and i do work eves and weekends however now ive left an abusve boss and put on 5 lbs i can see some pple are nice out there.I am very lonely sometimes i can buy a car and the dcs are 16 and 18 so can seeee how dh is with me,God knows where i will be when df dies in the next few weeks sad

whatisforteamum Sat 07-Nov-15 22:11:24

our ds had a testicular lump which turned out to be a cyst he didnt tell me as he knows both my parents have incurable cancer and didnt want to worry me.My cosy life is like a soap opera.

Twinklestein Sat 07-Nov-15 22:19:11

Are you still sleeping on the floor, and is your husband still making your daughter a substitute partner?

whatisforteamum Sat 07-Nov-15 22:20:04

sorry for the ramble df and dm live in the same lovely town as me so does adopted dsis so everyone knows it was her dh whose home was raided and her dcs were there luckily if you knew our squeaky clean family we wouldnt be judged by her behaviour.

whatisforteamum Sat 07-Nov-15 22:25:30

im still on the floor and dd has a fulltime job so never here tbh but yes when i thought life was bad it got soo much worse in unexpected ways.I just dont want a nervous breakdown,,,who would ?

Twinklestein Sat 07-Nov-15 22:26:55

Well quite. I think you need to get off the floor and out of this relationship.

whatisforteamum Sat 07-Nov-15 23:46:13

well where would i go not earning much and some rooms have age restrictions round here.

thornrose Sun 08-Nov-15 00:10:08

Ok there's clearly a backstory I'm unaware of. All the best OP.

whatisforteamum Sun 08-Nov-15 09:50:42

yes we have lived almost separate live for yrs due to our jobs and it has worked well so much so that my "1st post was at a crossroads"as the dcs were older and i didnt want to always miss out,I do sleep downstairs initially when dcs were young and ill once then as dh wouldnt stop snoring and his 430 am starts and my midnight finishes clashed,he has now said he will do all the downstairs sleeping after another row about the unfairness,I think it issad that when posters are desperate for help pple bring up previous smaller problem therefore putting off new pple from giving advice.I live an ordinary quiet life in a small town and some bad things have happened..they could happen to anyone if they can happen to me !!

whatisforteamum Sun 08-Nov-15 19:44:09

and now my new job is on the line as they are trying to almost double my hrs for a month while someone is off sick and i dont have a car !!

Cabrinha Sun 08-Nov-15 21:48:04

Double hours for a month sounds perfect if you're saving for a deposit to move out or to buy a car. Grab it!

Twinklestein Sun 08-Nov-15 21:53:56

OP no-one's trying to put anyone off giving you advice.

Your previous problems were not small they were big.

And you will go on having big problems until you leave your husband.

Each new thread you post the answer will be the same - your husband has got to go.

whatisforteamum Sun 08-Nov-15 22:37:35

I have cash to buy a car and whatever i need as i am a worker and a saver.What i dont have is any experience of separation and absolutely no one to turn too.

1Cheesedoff Tue 14-Jun-16 17:24:49

I have just come across your old posts and wonder how you are doing? I was in a Similar position (now left family home). Hope you are ok.

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