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This is creepy, right?

(327 Posts)
fishfingersinmysandwiches Sat 07-Nov-15 19:34:17

So this evening there was a knock at the door. I openec it and there was a man I vaguely recognise standing with a huge bunch of pink roses saying, "These are for you".

I was totally confused as I was expecting my sons friends dad (whom I've not met before) to bring my son and his friend back to my house for a sleepover, so I was thinking it was rather an over top thank you gesture for having his son over.

But the man then asked if I fancy a coffee sometime? He also gave me a separate pink rose for my daughter, "Just in case she feels left out." I looked blank and replied, "But I don't know you."

He explained that he worked at such and such a place and then it dawned on me where Ii'd seen him before. I'd been into his place of work about three months ago and as far as I'm concerned that is the only time we've ever met. He told me he'd noticed we, "Had a lot of eye contact". Er... have we??? I was too taken aback to send him packing and ended up fobbing him off with some feeble, "Er.. let me think about it and get back to you" comment. I just felt a bit frozen and weirded out to be honest.

What I want to know is how the fuck he knows where I live?

This is creepy and innappropriate, correct? My friend seems to think it's romantic but I'm not happy.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants Sat 07-Nov-15 19:36:36

Creepy, yes.

TheSpottedZebra Sat 07-Nov-15 19:37:57

Would the place of work have your address?
If it's a garage, could hey look up your registration no?

TheSpottedZebra Sat 07-Nov-15 19:38:42

Oh, sorry -yes, v v creepy. And intrusive!

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe Sat 07-Nov-15 19:39:15

That is beyond creepy.

Is there any way he could have got your details from his place of work?

I would be reporting that to his boss at a minimum.

PurpleHairAndPearls Sat 07-Nov-15 19:40:36

Has he used something connected with his job to find out your address eg computer system/records?

It's massively inappropriate and intrusive and if he has obtained your address by these means, I would be formally complaining to the highest level.

How did he know had a DD? For that matter, how did he know a DH or DP wouldn't be there?!

wickedwaterwitch Sat 07-Nov-15 19:41:33

Another vote for creepy

Finola1step Sat 07-Nov-15 19:42:05


molyholy Sat 07-Nov-15 19:47:38

Fucking hell! Freaky and creepy. He knows way too much about you.

Handywoman Sat 07-Nov-15 19:50:10

Oh Lordy. Yep, creepy, how are you supposed to be 'getting back to him'? confused

Rivercam Sat 07-Nov-15 19:53:50

If he had given you flowers at work, then that wouldn't be so creepy.

However, turning up at you door, and knowing about your daughter ( unless you mentioned her in passing) is creepy, and overstepping the mark.

Don't return his invite and ignore any future contacts.

LimitedSedition Sat 07-Nov-15 19:56:24

Creepy with a side of inappropriate.

Sazzle41 Sat 07-Nov-15 19:56:43

Oh. My. God. He has invented/imagined some 'connection' (the eye contact), obsessed over it, found and used your details and practically hunted you down (under data protection the company he works to have legal duty not to give your data/details to anyone). This is exactly how stalking starts. I watched recent US series on victims of stalking with analysis by criminal psychologists and interviews with victims, as I was stalked and felt half guilty that I was too friendly/it was somehow my 'fault' when guy who sold me a car stalked me.

Its not in any way shape or form romantic. You didnt express or solicit his interest or give him your details. Report him to his place of work and if it carries on, the Police can get an injunction to make him stay away.

Gladysandtheflathamsandwich Sat 07-Nov-15 20:00:59


It could be that in his head, thanks to hollywood, this is an incredibly romantic gesture that would sweep you off your feet. However, in reality it makes a person feel vulnerable and creeped out.

If he struggles with social cues and interaction then it may be that he simply didnt think how inappropriate it would be.

I would shut him down with firm "thanks but no thanks" maybe even lying about seeing someone if you are not at the moment, and keep your eyes open for anything more.

Gladysandtheflathamsandwich Sat 07-Nov-15 20:03:09

Borderline even.

Just thinking....the scene in Love Actually looks on paper to be romantic and sweet about unrequited love. In fact it is creepy and puts all the responsibility for Andrew Lincolns feelings for Keira Knightly onto her, instead of him doing the right thing and keeping his gob shut. Thats what I mean about Hollywood giving the wrong impression about "grand" romantic gestures.

Assuming that he isnt a stalker, I feel quite sorry for him, although of course I feel worse for the OP having to deal with it.

Fintan Sat 07-Nov-15 20:03:28

OP, wasnt it you who had some experience with a weird phone call from a bloke you never met who'd seen you out somewhere? Apologies if it wasn't you. If it was, is this the same guy?

Also, how does this guy know that you have a DD? And that you don't have a DP who may have answered the door? How can he know that?
Seriously creepy.

Handywoman Sat 07-Nov-15 20:03:54

Absolutely. Bear in mind this has the potential to get more dodgy. He could have just got stupidly carried away/inappropriate. But if he pops up again you should report to police.

Gladysandtheflathamsandwich Sat 07-Nov-15 20:03:55

sorry....the scene with the flashcards in LA....

ImperialBlether Sat 07-Nov-15 20:04:15

What the hell would he have done if a guy had answered the door? He's made absolutely massive assumptions there.

I really am uneasy about him bringing a flower for your daughter. That is really weird. And how did he even know you had a daughter?

TaintForTheLikesOfWe Sat 07-Nov-15 20:04:39

How do you feel about him OP?

RaspberryOverload Sat 07-Nov-15 20:05:10

This is creepy to me.

I'd be contacting his place of work asking about how he could have obtained your details, and putting a complaint in.

TwigsWithStupidLittleLightsOn Sat 07-Nov-15 20:05:41

Holy fuck.

LeaveMyWingsBehindMe Sat 07-Nov-15 20:06:50

Yes i want to know how he could be so sure you didn't have a partner at home too. confused

Waltermittythesequel Sat 07-Nov-15 20:08:51

How did he get your address??

sykadelic Sat 07-Nov-15 20:13:36

Well whether it's creepy or romantic really depends.

He felt you had a connection so "tracked you down" and if you had had a connection you may have felt it was romantic. In fact, there are many books/movies etc based on this very premise. "He moved mountains to find me. We're meant to be".

However no matter how romantic it is, it's also creepy. It's creepy because someone has gone to great lengths to find you. The fact you CAN be found so "easily" is also mildly scary (or terrifying).

For safety's sake I'd tell him nicely you're not interested. It's been 3 months, you could be in a relationship for all he knows. I'd also ask him (if you can find an in) about how he found you, and then plug that hole!!

I had a "friend" who decided it was okay to hand out my number to some guy. I ended up getting stalked for months :S Luckily (if you can call it that) he wasn't the brightest spark and it was easy to fob him off until he wasn't interested anymore.

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