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Where do you meet decent men?

(94 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

Confused2015xxx Sat 07-Nov-15 18:54:23

In pubs they all seem creeps just after one thing.
Joined tinder and nobody speaks and the ones that do are creeps.
Where are the nice guys at?

MadeMan Sat 07-Nov-15 19:35:13

"In pubs they all seem creeps just after one thing."

They might be after that one thing and some other things as well.

ASAS Sat 07-Nov-15 19:38:29

In books? Sorry, couldn't resist.

But yes, steer clear of the good guys in pubs, they rarely are.

Maybe the most genuine guys are the ones you come across in your natural day to day life, work, the gym, hobbies etc.

squidzin Sat 07-Nov-15 21:10:02

Argh NOT Tinder. Not the pub.

Actually, I worked in a pub before and got into a relationship with one of the regulars because I got besotted by him.
He had 2 kids he never saw. I was with him for 3 years but he turned out to be a wanker.
So definitely not the pub.

Your workplace? Friends of friends, or friends of the family? I met DP at a work/party situation. We got the tube home together and lived 2 stops apart. It was fate!

They say you find your true love when you stop looking.

Trills Sat 07-Nov-15 21:17:08

I've not found that Tinder is only men who don't speak.

You do have to swipe through a lot to get to the better ones.

Mousqueton Sun 08-Nov-15 09:45:21

For the benefit of those of us that are still unsure - could you explain the criteria that we need to meet to be considered a "nice guy" please? wink

Father88883 Sun 08-Nov-15 10:38:44

There are good men out there. I would love to know we're you meet good honest women? Also how do you know you have a good one as I don't trust my judgement any more.

Joysmum Sun 08-Nov-15 11:06:21

The good men I've met have tended to be friends of friends. Mind you, my nightmare ex fell into that category too.

HazelBite Sun 08-Nov-15 11:11:10

My son said something similar recently!

Elendon Sun 08-Nov-15 12:46:35

My son also wants to know where all the good men are and he's talking about friends (he's 14).

pocketsaviour Sun 08-Nov-15 13:19:20

Tinder is a hook-up app, so if you want a LTR steer clear.
In pubs you'll generally find people whose lives revolve around drinking.

Do you do any hobbies or interests that draw a mixed crowd? What is your workplace like (although I tend to steer clear of relationships at work.)

VelvetSpoon Sun 08-Nov-15 13:32:34

I met mine via OD. However it took YEARS, and a lot of shit. OD can be pretty damaging to your self esteem, so I wouldn't recommend it unless you're one of the minority who meets a good one quickly.

I wouldn't suggest work. Many workplaces frown upon relationships among staff members and it can get awkward if the relationship doesn't work out.

If I was still single, especially if I was younger/ without DC, I'd try something like MeetUp, social groups, volunteering, church groups, sports clubs (running groups is a good place to meet men apparently as a lot of the men are single, I'm told!).

Oysterbabe Sun 08-Nov-15 13:42:37

I met mine on match. Took some perseverance though.

CrumpetHead Sun 08-Nov-15 14:02:51

Met my DP at work, I worked in a soft play centre and he used to bring his kids there smile

Elendon Sun 08-Nov-15 15:06:09

I've met my most recent DP via an online affair site. grin

FerrisBueller1972 Sun 08-Nov-15 15:09:12

Really Elandon, an affair site??

Elendon Sun 08-Nov-15 15:17:30

No. Just trying to get at Crumpethead.
My ex used to go on about the wonderful 'girls' working and bringing their children in and to the soft play centre, whilst I was working.

Why I ever stayed with him after that. Ugh!

I've met a couple of lovely men but they weren't for me. On day my ship will sail into the harbour.

Elendon Sun 08-Nov-15 15:28:07

I did join a British affair site after my ex left me (an affair). There must have been at least 5,000 men available for me. I was shocked. Shocked.

These two especially stays with me:

"I'm a Christian man and, as such, will never leave my wife."

"I'm a committed Muslim, and will always be true to my wife."

What the actual? Needless to say, I ran.

Elendon Sun 08-Nov-15 15:34:24

Even online dating has men who openly admit that they want an affair, no strings attached, relationship. This was on Match.

My two good men were on OK Cupid. (Been on Guardian Soulmates too.).

PollyPerky Sun 08-Nov-15 15:49:15

You can meet decent men the minute you step outside your front door. There is no designated building with 'Decent Men Here' on the door!

I think you need to look at what you are doing now. If you sit around in pubs with an aura of 'come on men, I'm available' then that's the type you may attract. They may be thoroughly decent or they may just be looking for a quick shag, like many men in many situations.

As others have said, apps like Tinder are renowned for being hook-up sites where the attraction is purely visual and it's a numbers game. You can try it, but it may take a while to find a good 'un.

What do you like doing? You will find it's much better to meet men doing things you and they have in common so you can judge them better as friends as well as potential partners. So, what floats your boat? Sport? Music (choirs supposedly have a good hit rate!) amateur dramatics (ditto), charity work and volunteering, groups like Meet Up and City Socialiser, singles holidays..... I could go on.

I met DH through a friend who knew his friends who she's met on holiday. I met previous long term boyfriends through work, friends of friends, and even now, in middle age, men have tried to pick me up in the supermarket and on trains.

Widen the net and don't seem desperate to 'meet a man' cos it may well put them off unless they are just looking for 'one thing'.

vienna1981 Sun 08-Nov-15 15:52:42

I'm a good man (never been told otherwise). I go to pubs and coffee shops. Doesn't mean I should be avoided.

ImperialBlether Sun 08-Nov-15 15:56:53

I don't know why, but it always surprises me when someone who doesn't have a 'masculine' name on here reveals he's a man!

LisbethSalandersPan Sun 08-Nov-15 16:16:42

Another man here, just to surprise IB a bit more grin.....never been described as a 'bad man' in anything over than jest...what's said behind my back I have no idea. I visit pubs occasionally and Costa Coffees sometimes. Please don't avoid me!
Having said that if any woman tried to pick me up she'd need a large neon sign and use mono-syllables.

Seeyounearertime Sun 08-Nov-15 16:25:39

Hi, another good man here grin

I don't know how other guys feel but I've often wondered of the 'decent' guys are less visible? Over shadowed by the over confident douche types?

Justaboy Sun 08-Nov-15 16:27:44


"One day my ship will sail into the harbour".

Now you've dun it!.

Da tempeste il legno infranto,
se poi salvo giunge in porto,
non sa più che desiar.
Così il cor tra pene e pianto,
or che trova il suo conforto,
torna l'anima a bear.

Its about a ship, almost wrecked by a storm but has finally found port!

For you enjoy!, 5 mins of sheer magicsmile

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