I've been seeing this guy for a few weeks now, and he's a very nice man. When we go out, he holds doors open for me, is very thoughtful and is just quite lovely. The second date came along and he suggested we go back to his. I explained that we could, but I didn't sleep with guys until I knew them better and/or was in a relationship with them. He smiled and agreed, so we went back to his for a coffee.
Upon reaching his house, we settled down into the living room and chatted, and had a little kiss. He got a bit 'handsy' and so I told him off in a nice way, with a smile. I made a joke of it. The problem is, he didn't listen. After I'd removed his hand from my breasts four times, he grabbed my wrists and held them away, whilst pulling up my top and going for the kill anyway. I kept telling him no, but he continued, telling me to relax and that he 'wasn't going to judge me for it.' I didn't want to start screaming at him, which perhaps I should have done in hindsight. Anyway, he did the same with my trousers and knickers, which really upset me. I kept saying I didn't want to, but he went for it anyway. Needless to say, he had sex with me, and I felt absolutely powerless to say no. Perhaps it is my fault for going home with him? Perhaps I wasn't forceful enough in saying 'no'? I feel crap about it and he doesn't seem bothered at all. He's also very keen to see me again. Am I right to feel angry about this? I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt and saw him again, and he did exactly the same thing, despite me saying no.
I don't really know what I'm asking here, but I suppose the question is...was this consensual? I feel rotten about the whole experience and a fool for going back...
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Am I right to feel angry?
thewinterqueen · 07/11/2015 13:13
No, this was not consensual, it was rape. I'm sorry this happened to you 
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This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
I'm sorry, it's definitely Rape 
As to the Police asking 'why you went back'.
Well, when you are crystal clear with someone, and they ignore you and do it anyway, it's kind of hard to 'believe'. You doubt and blame yourself. Rapists rely on this.
You might have thought you were not clear enough? (you were, btw).
So, you 'gave him a 2nd chance' as many kindly people do, with other people they don't want to believe are bad.
It's possible that your childhood experiences also make it harder to trust that when you say NO it is respected.
Your behaviour, including 'going back' was not wrong. His clearly was.
I hope you get support in RL, inc from the Police.
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