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DH acting dodgy

(27 Posts)
Slobberdobber Fri 06-Nov-15 17:39:00

DH goes to the pub every Thurs night with a group of (male) friends from a team sport he plays. Usually he wats apps me a bit to tell me when he'll be home or how he got on that day (as he goes straight from work.) He's normally very very chatty on wats app and is always in touch.

Last night at about 11pm he became decidedly quiet and not very chatty. I asked if everything was all right and he said "yes, there's something interesting I have to tell you, but I can't tell you now." I said Oh please, tell me. And he said "no, no I really can't tell you now. I'll tell you later."

I ended up falling asleep and woke up this morning. DH was lying next to me and I wasn't sure what time he'd got in as I didn't wake up, but when I checked my wats apps he'd sent me some messages saying he was on his way home at 3.30am. The wats apps were also things like "I love you so much" and "this song reminds me of you" and sending me you tube links etc. Which is odd, for him. While he's chatty, he's not mushy, and we're not getting on that well at the moment, so it was odd, that sudden turn.

Anyway, we finally got a chance to speak today after school run and he said "do you not want to hear what happened?" I said yes, go on then. So he told me this:

A friend of his (a friend I find very shady - from DH's old partying days when he was single) had called him and asked him where he was. He told him he was at the pub, and that friend turned up at the pub and wanted to speak to him alone. He said that friend had a bag of money with a substantial amount in it and told DH that he needed to hide it and please could DH take it and DH refused.

Me: so that's it?
Him: what? That's interesting, isn't it?
Me: Where is the money from?
Him: I don't know. You know he and his wife are going through a separation?
Me: No. So is he hiding the money from his wife?
Him: I don't know
Me: so what was your conversation then?
Him: Just how he needed me to take the money for a while.

I then asked him what time he got home, and he said 1.30am. I said, no you didn't, because your wats apps are from 3.30am. He said "well it might've been later than that, but it wasn't 3.30 and wats app sometimes gets the timestamp wrong."

I said - where did you go from when the pub closed to when you came home? He said he went to a bar (we're in a major city.)

If I'm really giving him the benefit of the doubt with this, and he lost track of time etc, then, why doesn't he have more detail about what exactly his friend wanted him to do with the money if they spent 4.5hours talking about it??

He is also being really, really loving and all over me, and I find it all a bit dodgy tbh. The reason we are not getting on well at the moment is because I am feeling like he is making all the decisions and I am losing control of my life. It could be that this particular incident is pricking my radar because I feel like it's yet another example of losing control of what's going on in our lives and feeling decisions are made without my awareness.

Do you think I sound overly forensic and picky?

DH is not at all defensive or annoyed that I am suspicious and he is laughing when I tell him he is acting oddly and saying "I told you I had something to tell you and this is it. It's gossip - I thought you'd like it. My friend is obviously up to something!"

I checked his wallet - there is nothing apart from a receipt for drinks at the pub that he said he was at, at 11pm.

Am I being paranoid and weird? or is something weird going on? I am aware that I am especially sensitive at the moment to decisions being made without me. Please give me some perspective?

RedF0x Fri 06-Nov-15 17:42:33

Is the friend, the one who he said no I can't hide your money to, I bet that's somebody you don't know and haven't met????? Just a name.

RedF0x Fri 06-Nov-15 17:43:20

Can you get the location off any of his messages? I know on viber messages I can get the location of where they were sent?

Slobberdobber Fri 06-Nov-15 17:45:22

ReF0x actually the friend is someone I have met many times. I find him creepy and weird and he spends most of his time coming on to my friends. I have told DH repeatedly that I don't like him, and I thought that DH had phased him out a bit. And to the best of my knowledge, him turning up last night was the first time DH had seen him in a year or so.

RedF0x Fri 06-Nov-15 17:57:44

oh right, so if it's a lie, it was an odd decision to give you the name of somebody who you know. But then if you don't get on with him, you're hardly likely to say "so creepy guy, did you ask dh to mind a bag of money?''

loveyoutothemoon Fri 06-Nov-15 18:04:45

Whatsapp doesn't get the time stamp wrong that's bollocks. He probably just didn't want to disclose the real time as it was so late.

I'm not sure what you're worried over.

offside Fri 06-Nov-15 18:09:18

I disagree, it does get the timestamp wrong on occasion. I've had messages come through to me stamped at say 14:00 but the content suggests otherwise, when clarifying with sender they have said it was sent much earlier.

Seriouslyffs Fri 06-Nov-15 18:15:36

I was fiddling around with 2 phones last night and sent a wassapp to the other one- it's was delivered at 10 this morning.

AnchorDownDeepBreath Fri 06-Nov-15 18:24:20

What about his story makes you feel that you are losing more control? What decisions has he made for you?

It's not unheard of for WhatsApp to get time stamps wrong or deliver messages later, or he could have been out until 3:30am and was just too drunk/tired to notice the time and thought it was earlier.

The weird thing is that you don't seem to disbelieve where he was - you don't mention suspicions of an affair or anything - you're just worried that it means you're losing more control because you already feel that he makes all the decisions. I honestly can't see a decision here that he's made that you'd have wanted to make, or why this would make you feel out of control.

Flum Fri 06-Nov-15 18:31:51

When people talk to a friend who is in the middle of a break up they tend to come over all grateful and appreciative of their own partner..... that could explain the lovey dove ness...

Seeyounearertime Fri 06-Nov-15 18:41:51

What flum said and add to that he's talking about someone you have voiced a dislike for.

I'd imagine those two issue explain the 'dodgy' behaviour more than anything dodgy.
I'd also say that seeing as you went through his wallet do you have a suspicious nature? Would you likely moan at him for being out late and or talko g to this person you despise?

Yseulte Fri 06-Nov-15 19:09:08

What happened to the money?

ARV1981 Fri 06-Nov-15 19:18:27

I'd be more concerned about the money tbh. That sounds very dodgy. Is it proceeds from crime??? Or is the friend hiding it from his wife?? Either case, it's decidedly dodgy.

I hope your dh definitely did not agree to look after it.

If it's legit, the friend would put it in the bank.

Potatoface2 Fri 06-Nov-15 19:23:15

maybe his dodgy mate asking him to do something dodgy has made him edgy.....nothing personal to you...maybe its just on his mind.....if he knows you dont like the guy, he could have lied to you about that but he was honest in mentioning him...my husband when hes out with his mates having a drink doesnt even look at the time....never remembers what time he gets in, so i think thats just a bloke thing....once your suspicions are roused you will look for other signs....hope nothing comes of it

Natkingcole9 Fri 06-Nov-15 23:42:46

What sap does get the time stamp wrong, just so you know.

NaughtyRed82 Sat 07-Nov-15 02:16:54

I've had whatsapp messages come through a few days late on couple of occasions and thought the person didn't want to talk to me and they thought as I hadn't replied that I didn't want to talk to them!lol

TokenGinger Sat 07-Nov-15 10:51:29

Whatsapp can get the time wrong. I messaged DP a few days ago to tell him I was setting off to his; he received the message when I was already in bed with him watching TV. On the other hand, he's read my message once, it hasn't shown as read and only got the blue ticks the following morning.

It doesn't sound like your DP is doing anything wrong. It's fine for him not to be so chatty on a night out. My DP spent the night with friends last night and I've had two texts from him since he left work yesterday.

DoreenLethal Sat 07-Nov-15 11:04:51

a - yes technology can get time stamps wrong
b - when my OH is out I don't want chatty, I want peace and quiet
c - if you think he is trying to hide the proceeds from his marriage to stop his wife getting hold of them, innocently ask her if everything is ok, and see what occurs.

ILiveAtTheBeach Sat 07-Nov-15 11:10:06

I have no idea what you're suspicious about? And why are you exchanging messages with him, when he's out with his friends. That sounds quite controlling and obsessive. Can't he just have a night out, without having to check in with you? Blimey.

HubertsBirthdayStick Sat 07-Nov-15 11:16:56

I would worry about holding money.
Say its stolen from drug dealers who come looking for it ?

If the person in question (your dh ) was a single man he can do what he likes but he may be putting you in danger.

JeffsanArsehole Sat 07-Nov-15 11:56:49

Yeah, he clearly took the money and hid it.

His watchfulness when he related the story was to see if you would approve it. When you didn't he decided to conceal it from you.

He is concealing this.

BugritAndTidyup Sat 07-Nov-15 12:36:02

If the friend really is separating from his wife then she deserves to know about the money just in case it is a deliberate attempt to rip her off. That's a despicable thing to do and I would want nothing to do with anyone who had any part in it.

In your shoes, OP, I would be putting pressure on my DH to tell her about it.

BramblePie Sat 07-Nov-15 12:56:26

I don't think there's anything up. I think because you are going through a bad patch he has upped the "mushyness" and he did tell you the story. Don't think there's anything to worry about. The timestamp could be wrong if his WiFi was dropping in and out.

chrome100 Sat 07-Nov-15 13:05:02

It sounds like a genuine story to me. He was probably drunk so lost track of time and wasn't lying about that.

BugritAndTidyup Sat 07-Nov-15 13:44:39

Actually the more I think about this the more I'm angry at him thinking a man potentially ripping off his wife is a hilarious piece of gossip. Even if you take his story at face value, it doesn't show him in a good light.

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