Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Separating from Man who Won't Leave

(9 Posts)
BloodontheTracks Fri 06-Nov-15 11:20:43

My friend wants to leave her difficult husband but he is deeply hurt and furious and refusing to leave the house. She has two children, both in school and no idea what to do. At the moment he is insisting she move her stuff into a spare room which seems like no short term solution at all. But she is scared of leaving the home, understandably. It's her decision but what to do in this circumstance? she is the earner but the house is shared.

Please help. It's happening now.

DoorToTheRiver Fri 06-Nov-15 11:50:39

Guessing here but I would assume if the house is in both their names - mortgage or rental - then I would think he has every right to stay.

I agree it would be a bad move for your friend to leave the house. Could she move into the spare room temporarily while she seeks legal advice. I understand from reading threads on here she could get a free half hour or so with a Solicitor who could perhaps advise her.

SongBird16 Fri 06-Nov-15 12:30:31

You say that your friend wants to leave her husband but she doesn't really does she, she wants to kick him out of their shared home.

I expect this has come as a shock to him, and he may well be heartbroken and angry whilst also mourning his expected future, worrying about his financial security, and feeling scared about seeing less of his children.

If your friend was a working man seeking to kick his non-working wife out of the marital home whilst keeping custody of any children it would get a very definite response.

I would suggest that she gives him some time to come to terms with it before they both seek legal advice.

EmpressKnowsWhereHerTowelIs Fri 06-Nov-15 12:35:36

How is he difficult? And if she's the earner is he the main carer? Could he reasonably expect custody?

BloodontheTracks Fri 06-Nov-15 13:02:40

He is not a physical risk to her but he is going to be emotionally volatile and angry obviously and the atmosphere is toxic. it is not a surprise to him, it has been brewing for some time. I completely understand why she doesn't want to be with him anymore. He's a dick in my opinion. But it's not really for me to say, I shouldn't comment on the rights and wrongs of the situation, just asking for advice, which I appreciate. There's no infidelity going on or anything like that. She's been trying to build up the courage for some time. She would of course leave the house herself except she's concerned that will be worse for the children, either to take them from their home during school time or to have their mother live elsewhere and leave him with the kids. He is going to get vicious because he is a bit like that and very hurt understandably, she is worried about the children (not physically necessarily).

Sorry to be clear, he is not the main carer, I just mean she earns much more than him. I agree in principle the person who wants to leave should you know, leave. But I wondered if there was established way of dealing with this that I didn't know - a mediation centre of something where a third party is practised at helping them come to some sort of agreement. Right now it's just toxic fighting and blackmail.

zipzap Fri 06-Nov-15 17:24:50

What would happen if she asked him to move his stuff out into a different room? Why does he think that he should be the one to stay in their room?

mintoil Fri 06-Nov-15 17:59:02

The easiest way to make him leave the marital home is by way of a court order in a divorce.

If things escalate and he is violent or threatening she may be able to get a court order to force him to leave before then.

So, she either leaves with the kids, or files for divorce and trusts in the process.

pocketsaviour Fri 06-Nov-15 19:08:38

If the atmosphere is poisonous to her and the kids, and she is on a good income, then I'd say she should cut her losses and move into a rented place with the kids temporarily.

If he's going to be a dick during the divorce then it's likely the marital home might need to be sold anyway.

The kids will be okay. Kids don't like change, but they will cope. Much better a new house with a calm mum than a familiar house with shouting, swearing and god knows what else.

She also needs to see a solicitor and get the ball rolling on this. Soonest begun, soonest done and all that.

BloodontheTracks Sat 07-Nov-15 11:32:51

Thank you very much for all this useful advice.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now