Can't work out why I get annoyed about this kind of situation; can you help me work out why or tell me I should get over myself?
Over 20 years together, my husband's parents gave us things or paid for things they thought we should have. My husband just went along with it and was grateful, but I was irritated when we got another cupboard or second-hand sofa suite which I personally found unattractive, uncomfortable, too big etc. His dad did DIY, and offered to put strips of wood on a window to give it a latticed look. I said no thanks. An hour later I found him putting them on anyway, and asked him to remove them. Another time I asked him not to hammer away at a cupboard in front of the sleeping children's room. My MIL cried both times and said I was ungrateful. My husband thought I should accept these things gratefully as they were a present, and often quite expensive. I couldn't argue with this without looking ungrateful and controlling.
Now we've split up, but I am still living in our house with the kids, for maybe the next 4 years. My MIL has died and my FIL has toned it down a bit as I'm the only one who accepts his new girlfriend. But he can't help being himself...
A unit in the kitchen broke and I have the option of a cheap repair with a filled drill hole in the door, or a very expensive repair (no drill hole). The kitchen is 7 years old so won't be of any value if we eventually sell. But I still have to ask my husband before changing anything, as he might move in later. The discussion has gone on since the summer.
Now he's got his dad in, and he says we should do it "properly", and he'll pay for it. I don't want him to. I could afford it if I wanted to; I just don't think it's worth it for the sake of a hole. I've said no, but that isn't the end of it. It's our daughter's 18th birthday in December and the in-laws are coming over for a party. I know I will get a load of grief over this then, and feel ridiculously worked up... I don't want any more presents, it feels like they are controlling me, but FIL is just trying to do the nice, sensible thing... maybe I'm being unreasonable.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Ex and his dad annoying me, or AIB as U as they think?
ravenmum · 06/11/2015 09:09
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