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Husband has just left: please list the practical things I need to do?

(19 Posts)
CryingMummy Fri 06-Nov-15 00:01:52

That's all, really.

LuisSuarezTeeth Fri 06-Nov-15 00:06:22

Oh crikey. Sorry chick.

Questions for you first though

LuisSuarezTeeth Fri 06-Nov-15 00:07:26

House - rent/mortgage names on?
Chldren?
Income?
Is he a threat to you?

LuisSuarezTeeth Fri 06-Nov-15 00:08:46

Sorry, what you need to do depends on your circumstances x

DelphiniumBlue Fri 06-Nov-15 00:33:30

Get an appointment with a solicitor as soon as you can. The more specific you can be about income, assets and expenditure, the better they can advise you.. So get copies of everything ready, and if you are up to it, list everything.
Check whether you will be entitled to any benefits. Apply for council tax rebate if you will be the only adult in the household. Get copies of H's wage slips, pension arrangements, bank/ savings account details if he hasn't already removed these. Inform any creditors that he he is no longer living at your address. Consider how you want to deal with any joint accounts, and speak to bank to find out what the options are theoretically.
If you have a job, you might want to think about whether you need to arrange for time off to deal with practical things and to sort your head out, and whether you can get sick leave, (stress) . however it may work better for you to go to work, to keep some normality in your life, and to keep yourself busy- only you can know what would work best for you.
And be kind to yourself, hopefully there are people in RL you can talk to. Maybe arrange a few things to look forward to, and award yourself treats.
I don't know if him going was what you wanted, or if it was planned and expected, or whether it's come as a shock to you. You've asked for practical advice so that's what I've tried to give, but I M sure you must be feeling pretty emotional right now, and you have all my sympathy, its a horrible thing to be going through.

Holstein Fri 06-Nov-15 00:39:14

Sleep now, really. You'll need your energy for tomorrow. I hope you're OK thanks

LuisSuarezTeeth Fri 06-Nov-15 00:39:55

What Delphinium said...

But also if you want to just talk about it, this is a great place to do it.

Thinking of you.

CryingMummy Fri 06-Nov-15 00:42:22

Well, I have had depression anf said some pretty horrible stuff last March. Instead of going for counselling, he checked-out and deliberately went online and chatted. Had two affairs. Thought we were working through things. Just (finally) started Relate sessions. He works away. I do everything for four children, 9 and under.

Mortgage. Contractor (a Ltd Company). Little pension. Good income lots of debts.

TooSassy Fri 06-Nov-15 00:57:25

Oh Hun. Ok.

Anything with joint liability - credit cards/ bank accounts. Switch off.
Important documents, keep safe
Valuables (including emotional sentimental) remove from the house. The house I assume is a joint marital asset and in both your names? He can come and go as he pleases. Get the important stuff out.
Get to a solicitor
Get RL support (who do you have to call on?)
Say nothing to the DC's yet until you know a little more

Hugs to you Hun. Listen to one thing. You will be ok and you will get through it. Know that.

CryingMummy Fri 06-Nov-15 02:39:10

It doesn't feel like it. Thought we were working on it. SAHM.

Baconyum Fri 06-Nov-15 02:41:40

Passports safe? Yours and dc's?

CryingMummy Fri 06-Nov-15 03:04:49

He's not abusive. Not violent. Children don't have one.

ChristinaParsons Fri 06-Nov-15 03:11:13

So sorry. Bloody men! Try and sleep. Hot milk or glass of wine might help

LuisSuarezTeeth Fri 06-Nov-15 08:47:44

Sounds like he has made his decision - but it's still a shock. Think you need to go on auto-pilot for a couple of days. Can you call on anyone for a bit of support today? Think it's important to view it as today, tomorrow etc, rather than looking too far ahead.

hellsbellsmelons Fri 06-Nov-15 09:27:40

Freeze any joint bank accounts so he can't empty them.
Contact CAB and council - get advice from them regarding housing, council tax, benefits, etc....
Get documents safe. Passports, birth certificates, marriage certificate. Get any proof of income you can. Bank statements.
Get to a solicitor for some advice, a lot give a free half hour.

Look after yourself. You will be no good for your kids if you are running on empty.
You may not be able to eat solids (I couldn't). Sugary tea to keep you hydrated and your sugar levels up. You don't want shock on top of everything else. Ice lollies. Sounds mad but they work and hopefully won't make you feel sick. Soup and smoothies.
When you can some toast and butter.

Cry when you need to. You may run on adrenalin for a while but you WILL crash at some point. Be ready for it.

Contact family and friends. Get them to rally round and support you and help you as much as you need them. Believe me, they WANT to help. Do NOT go through this alone. It's a nightmare. You will feel relief when you tell people. Tell people why. HE was unfaithful and is a cheating scumbag. The more people that know this up front, the better. Don't keep his dirty little secrets. You owe him nothing. NOTHING at all!!!!

Find out how much maintenance he should be paying. Do NOT agree to sign anything without legal advice.

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. The list of things to do will be endless but please please just take things slowly. For now only think about things an hour at a time. Look after yourself and look after your kids.
Get RL support ASAP!

flowers for you.

TooSassy Fri 06-Nov-15 14:45:04

OP. You ok?

CryingMummy Fri 06-Nov-15 14:58:57

Not really. Still not quite sure what is happening. He works away and is on his way home. Have annoyed him by who I told when I got his text (!! and then he fell asleep till 1 am as he had been abroad on business!) last night: we were having a productive phone call till he remembered.

TooSassy Fri 06-Nov-15 15:21:13

Ok. So he told you he was leaving? He hasn't physically left?

CryingMummy Fri 06-Nov-15 16:34:11

Give or take. He's been abroad on business and also works away in the week anyway. We haven't really had chance to talk.

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