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Should I spy?

(5 Posts)
Confused1999 Thu 05-Nov-15 20:13:34

Hi all,

I'm a bit new to this, so please bear with me if I waffle on a bit.

My DW and I recently moved area to be closer to work, the area we chose was easily commutable for both of us and benefited from my DW knowing an old friend who lived here. He and his wife were very supportive and helped us find the right areas to look for and we now have a lovely house for us and out children.

However, shortly after moving in, I became suspicious of her phone activity as she started locking her phone. I finally managed to access her texts one afternoon and found messages between her and her friend which spoke about her leaving me, not necessarily with him, although her was willing to help.

We talked this over and she admitted that she had some issues with our relationship. I'll freely admit at this point that I was in the wrong over some areas. I didn't do enough around the house or with the kids as my new job was very demanding and I had become lazy if I'm honest.

In short we decided to make a go of it and things have been getting better, with one exception. She is constantly chatting to this other man. To make matters worse, she immediately deletes any communication from him so that while I know there have been exchanges, I have no idea what has been said. She has also been changing passwords on her accounts and adding new chat apps.

I have confronted them both and they both insist that they are good friends and nothing more. However the text's, chat's and messages keep flowing.

I'm not a domineering sort and would never dream of asking her not to go out with friends, however one of her fitness classes is run by this same man. It's really beginning to get to me and I think the hard work we have both put into getting this relationship back on track could be ruined by my suspicions / paranoia.

In short my questions are this:

Should I be suspicious of this behaviour or accept that they are simply friends?

Should I try to look at her messages or trust her completely and resist the temptation to spy?

Any advice would be gratefully received.

ALaughAMinute Thu 05-Nov-15 20:41:55

So she's spoken to her friend about leaving you and she's constantly texting another man? Sorry to say, but the fact that she immediately deletes the messages shows she's got something to hide.

I think you need to decide what you want to do. Do you want to try and save the marriage? Do you still love your wife? If so, you need to ask her to stop texting the other man and start talking.

As for your wife being 'just good friends' with this man, I wouldn't believe a word of it. You have every reason to be suspicious. Be strong, keep a level head and decide your plan of action.

DontMindMe1 Thu 05-Nov-15 21:29:55

i wouldn't accept that behaviour from a man - you shouldn't accept it from a woman.

She's basically telling you via her actions that she has no respect for you or your feelings. My guess would be that she's making her plans to leave you. If i were you i'd be making sure your half of the marital assets are secure and safe.

MatrixReloaded Fri 06-Nov-15 02:18:39

You would be very silly to trust someone who has already proven themselves to be untrustworthy. It sounds like she's having an emotional affair at the least. Does his wife know about their chats ? I've sent you a pm.

justonesherryformedicinalpurpo Fri 06-Nov-15 17:55:53

This is completely disrespectful of her.

I would admit to her my paranoia, demand the truth and if she is unwilling to be honest I wouldn't be with her. If this goes on any longer and you continue to stay with her and know no more than you do now then it will only affect your marriage later on.

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