Advertisement

loader

Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

cant get over ex, its been over a year

(7 Posts)
dipdapispants Thu 05-Nov-15 14:26:49

Namechanbed to protect myself.

I'm 28, only been in one relationship which started when I was 24. Until then I had never been kissed or on a date. The relationship developed fast. Within a few days we were in love and we took each others virginity after one week. He is 2 years younger than me.

We were together 3 weeks shy of 3 years. For the first 2 years we lived an hour from each other. Due to him being at uni I travelled on train to stay with him every weekend. This was at his parents house and he shared room with his brother so we had airbed in lounge. There was no privacy. We were very much in love but we argued all the time. My depression didn't help, he wasn't supportive.

Anyway after 2 years I ,moved nearer to him but the damage was done and the day we returned from long haul holiday, with his family, he told me he wanted space. I reacted badly and pushed him further away to the point we were no longer together. We still saw each other once a month or so and it was like we were still together, we kissed held hands said we loved each other,even had sex a few times. We were working at giving it another go when, 8 months after we split he told me he had started seeing a colleague. I was utterly heartbroken and attempted suicide the next dsy.

I didn't hear from him for 2 months, then he emailed to say happy birthday. He said he was very happy with colleague, they see each other every day etc. What hurts is I did everything I could to see him as often as possible, it wasn't my fault he had so much uni work to do and at first we lived so far from each other. He is now on gap year, the year we had originally talked of starting a family. He is happy, Facebook shows hes in love with this new girl,he sees her daily, she can drive I cant, basically its perfect.

We split september 2014, he met new girl may this yer so its been 6 months and it still hurts, I still think of him daily,still miss him, still want him. It hurts knowing he is sleeping with someone else, as I said we were each others first.

Ive recently been diagnosed with pcos. I cant imagine meeting anybody else,being inintimate with anyone,getting married, having kids with someone else. I'm writing this in tears. My life has changed since we split,now in a job I love and have my own flat. Due to depression only did part time Christmss work when we were together, neither of us had money. Now I'm earning good money and have my own place. If we were together now he'd be perfect.

How do I get over him,stop the what if, stop blaming myself? I was recently diagnosed with pcos and now cant see any point meeting anyone when I'll struggle have kids. I don't need a man but I miss the intimacy, the love. I want to be normal. I have no friends at all, I work as nanny so no colleagues.

Sorry this got so long,don't know why I'm writing this really

category12 Thu 05-Nov-15 14:59:34

I'm sorry, you've been through the mill a bit.

But you're doing pretty well, job and home - so you need to start building from there. You really need to build yourself a social circle. If you have any hobbies or things you'd like to try, look out for meet ups or classes. There must be other nannies in similar situations, that you'd have things in common with. I think once you have friends and more going on in your life beyond work, then the obsessive thinking about what went wrong between you will dissipate.

HotNatured Thu 05-Nov-15 15:49:06

First flowers for you, you sound desperately unhappy. I suggest you sort some therapy asap. I really think that as you don't have much going on at the moment, you are romanticising someone who, by the sound of it isn't really all that wonderful, you say he wasn't supportive when you were depressed, that doesn't sound like a good boyfriend to me.

pls delete him from facebook and stop following his life, you are torturing yourself and absolutely no good can come of it. Delete him from your entire life, he is history and you have your whole future ahead of you, you love your job, have your own place; these are things some people can only dream about. I’m 41 and one thing that i remind myself about when i get low is that life is transitional, circumstances can change overnight, you will get over this guy, it takes time but you will, I promise, you need to get busy and then you won’t have time to obsess about him and what he's up to. can you do some volunteering ? my best friend volunteers on a Saturday morning at a cat rescue place, she has made loads of friends and it makes her feel good. good luck

RedMapleLeaf Thu 05-Nov-15 20:41:26

I think you've done absolutely the right thing in writing this down and reaching out to others. Keep posting if it helps. Otherwise, get booked in to see your doctor and ask for a referral for therapy and whilst you wait, read How to mend your broken heart.

dipdapispants Fri 06-Nov-15 08:33:39

Thank you. I had counseling after the suicide attempt, saw the bloke once and he said he didn't think I would benefit from counseling. I m usually OK, can stop myself thinking of him but its his birthday tomorrow and hes on my mind more.

RedMapleLeaf Fri 06-Nov-15 09:59:16

Personally I think that everyone can benefit from counselling. Did the counsellor explain his opinion?

Did you consider reading that book? It talks, in a very accessible way, about how we can get stuck in habits of dwelling on our exes.

dipdapispants Fri 06-Nov-15 10:16:50

I will go to the library tomorrow and see if they have it. Thank you for the recommendation.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now