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Would you accept this? Birthday related

(38 Posts)
cjt88lulu Thu 05-Nov-15 09:55:03

Me and my ex (we were together for a year but broke up in July) recently got back together, trying to take it slowly and see if we can make it work this time.

Yesterday was my birthday. He came round to see me in the evening and didn't so much as bring a card.. this really upset me as I felt like I must mean so little to him. I said sarcastically "thanks for the card", he said "Don't start, was a bit short notice".. ?! As if I just suddenly told him it was my birthday. Even at short notice surely buying a card isn't hard to do.

I just feel I am totally wasting my time now. Or am I reading too much into this?

Sianilaa Thu 05-Nov-15 10:00:40

You're trying to make things work but he can't be bothered to even get you a birthday card? That's beyond poor, IMO. I would make him an ex again tbh. Is it indicative of the amount of effort he is putting into the relationship?!

hellsbellsmelons Thu 05-Nov-15 10:07:59

Wow - I couldn't be dealing with that.
Did he have to drive round to yours?
Does he pass any shops on the way?
How long as this evening been planned?

It was my birthday recently and I was away and got back to a lovely big card and a massive bouquet of flowers.

He's supposed to be making an effort if he wants this to work and he's done sweet FA and it's your birthday.

He was an Ex for a reason. Find someone who at least puts a bit of thought into your birthday.

happycola Thu 05-Nov-15 10:13:05

'Don't start' is in itself an antagonistic phrase to use.

ThisIsStillFolkGirl Thu 05-Nov-15 10:16:52

Hmm, did he do anything nice in lieu of a card?

I don't get the thing with paying for a folded bit of card that someone else wrote a message in and drew a picture on.

But I think you should acknowledge it in someway if it is going to be important to the person.

cjt88lulu Thu 05-Nov-15 10:20:53

No, no flowers, nothing. He ordered a pizza but that's not something out of the ordinary. I just feel like an idiot, ice made such an effort and he can't be bothered to go into one of the many shops he passed and spend a few pounds.

PeppasNanna Thu 05-Nov-15 10:27:27

Thats incredibly unkind.

Listen to him- hes told you clearly, by not even acknowledging your birthday with a card, what he thinks of you.

Happy belated birthday flowers

caitlinohara Thu 05-Nov-15 10:28:14

No no no no no. Sorry but it really doesn't seem like he is bothered. Walk away.

cjt88lulu Thu 05-Nov-15 10:35:59

Okay so when he next bothers to talk to me should i tell him why? Or just not even bother and cut ties.

summerwinterton Thu 05-Nov-15 10:37:26

I would just cut ties - no point telling him anything. And start working on your self esteem. You deserve so much more than he will ever offer you.

AdoraBell Thu 05-Nov-15 10:37:50

A bit short notice? That must mean you only met him within the last year and he hasn't put in the effort to ask you when your birthday is.

Or he's so disinterested/ self absorbed that your birthday is of no significance to him. I wonder, does he expect a card or present on his birthday?

PreemptiveSalvageEngineer Thu 05-Nov-15 10:39:42

Would not accept this.

Jeffreythegiraffe Thu 05-Nov-15 10:41:59

No I wouldn't accept this, it's thoughtless and uncaring. He's not bothered.

lorelei9 Thu 05-Nov-15 10:46:20

cut ties.

short notice?!

HellonHeels Thu 05-Nov-15 10:47:31

Happy Birthday!

Give yourself the gift of dumping him. Will give you space for someone lovely. flowers cake

Joysmum Thu 05-Nov-15 10:50:39

Happy Birthday cake

Joysmum Thu 05-Nov-15 10:52:24

DH and I look for any excuse to spoil each other and make each other feel special. If we knew we'd upset each other we'd be upset and try to make up for it plus add in a bit of grovel even when it was a genuine mistake.

That's what couples who love and care about each other do.

Yours doesn't.

magiccatlitter Thu 05-Nov-15 11:44:34

Totally unacceptable. He'd be the ex once again after that.

His comment of don't start was way out of line too.

contrary13 Thu 05-Nov-15 12:33:04

I don't think my ex ever gave me a birthday card, until I was pregnant with our DS. And even then my name wasn't spelt correctly (and it's an easy to spell name, which he should have known how to, considering we'd known one another for almost 20 years at that point!). However, he did do other things to show me that he cared for me and the DC - like organising a picnic, or kite-flying, or a night out with childcare thrown in. Love can be shown in different ways... but the lack of respect is clear. And, as my friends all told me when ex started to show his true colours... you're worth more.

When someone shows or tells you who they are, then you need to listen to them!

AlwaysHope1 Thu 05-Nov-15 12:47:06

Definitely dump him. Why explain to him when his response was don't start? He didn't even have the decency to pretend to feel bad, just an arrogant 'don't start'.
In the trying to get back together phase he can't be bothered, leaves very little hope to expect much from him. Run.

Atenco Thu 05-Nov-15 14:49:06

I agree, the "Don't start" comment is the killer

AttilaTheMeerkat Thu 05-Nov-15 14:58:09

Unless both of you have properly addressed the real reasons behind the break up in the first place, getting back together was and is a complete and utter waste of time.

He is now showing his further contempt for you. He was an ex for very good reason.

Is this really what you think you deserve from a relationship?. It seems like he gives you very little, infact crumbs. I would consider for yourself why it is that you got back together in the first place at all because those problems are really still there.

LovelyFriend Thu 05-Nov-15 15:04:06

Don't settle for someone who can't even be bothered to buy you a birthday card. Or a gift in fact (not that I'm saying it needs to be an expensive gift, but something that shows some though).

Just don't.

This is the best he will ever be. You really do deserve better.

LovelyFriend Thu 05-Nov-15 15:05:53

Ghost him - he sounds too thick to take anything you say on board, and there is no point in arguing with the willfully ignorant.

Happy birthday to you cake star

Only1scoop Thu 05-Nov-15 15:07:33

He's making such a huge effort isn't he holds barred for you as he tries to make all there efforts. You lucky lucky girl.


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