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He has left so why do i want him back?

(8 Posts)
needhelpandadvice Tue 03-Nov-15 16:25:49

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2498556-He-has-me-an-anxious-nervous-wreck

Link to my other thread id above, hopefully it has worked.

Anyway my H is now living in his own house, DD has been teary and crying but have good moments too.

But my heart aches, suddenly I want him back, even though there were horrible times, suddenly I miss him.

Is this normal?

Sillysillywoman Tue 03-Nov-15 16:30:39

I've just found out my boyfriend has been cheating on me so I'm in the process of figuring out if I want him gone.
I think it's natural for you to want him back but after just reading your previous thread I think it's for the best.
He wasn't speaking to you or treating you like you deserve.
I would keep strong ( I'm trying to take my own advice ) and stay happy.

donajimena Tue 03-Nov-15 16:55:58

Its completely normal to miss someone. You miss the good bits. But he's not a good man.
my last partner was a cheat and treated me appallingly but I would have still had him back (sap that I was) thankfully he didn't ask to come back (this time) and I spent the best part of a year alone working on my boundaries and deal breakers.
Then I met someone who is decent 100% of the time.
Keep posting here. There are always a healthy supply of mnetters who will be happy to come round and slap you with a wet haddock should you waver.. grin

Wtfmummy Tue 03-Nov-15 18:13:00

I think it's totally natural- it's the old familiar better the devil you know scenario. Plus he bashed you down so much you question your own decisions. Ride this out. It's a phase. It'll pass. Don't contact him. You'll regret letting yourself and your DC down. You've done the really hard but now ride this bit out.

Set your mind on your futute, your career, maybe a holiday for you and your DC.

Be strong. He's expecting your call - he told you you were weak. Prove him wrong.

flowers

pallasathena Tue 03-Nov-15 19:29:55

Don't get into the feeling sorry for yourself, re-inventing the past, 'oh he wasn't that bad really...' bit. Instead, get bloody angry at the way he's treated you and start feeling contempt for such a pathetic, manipulative, nasty excuse for a man. He doesn't deserve you. And you deserve someone special. Someone wonderful. He isn't. End of.

And just think, you've your whole life ahead of you. Work on your own boundaries and self-esteem now. Take some time out from relationships to re-discover yourself and what makes you happy. Banish him from your headspace and I guarantee, in a month or two, you'll have a completely different perspective. I did with my ex. It was a real 'aha' moment when he came around to collect his stuff a few weeks after we split and I looked at him and thought 'what did I ever see in the twat?'
Never looked back. And neither will you.
Stay strong.

needhelpandadvice Tue 03-Nov-15 22:23:21

Thanks everyone, tonight I have broken down to a swollen eyed, snotty nose mess!! But DD seems chirpier! So I hope that is the start for her.

I have an appointment at school tomorrow but thinking of writing a letter in as I know I will break down when I say the words.

Wando Wed 04-Nov-15 02:05:04

Good luck - be as strong as you can; you are much stronger than you think you are. flowers

Wtfmummy Wed 04-Nov-15 02:14:52

Chin up - you can do this! Just be strong one step at a time and before you know it things will start to feel better.

Really invest in you and your DD - plan something nice, book a course or class, get your hair cut. Remember also that what you do in a relationship, what you put up with defines your DDs future relationships.

Wishing you all the best flowers

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