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being told what to do and that I did it wrong

(11 Posts)
Pigzoom Mon 02-Nov-15 19:44:25

Hi my DP is constantly telling me how to do things and I don't think I can put up with it much longer. Ie I put the heating on advance and he complained that I should have used the thermostat. Then he said I'd put the thermostat up too high.
He tells me constantly to load dishwasher certain way. How to file our post, but I don't have time to go upstairs and get the stapler he says it stops everything going "to pot". But it wasn't going to pot I was just asking him to look after kids so I could do some admin of mine. He told me how I should put the buggy in the car.
He tells me to do so much on a daily basis.
I was at his parents and his dad was doing the same as him to his mum. And I said dp does that to me and his mum said sorry he got it from his dad.
I've always thought his parents relationship was awful. His dad dictating all the time and being the man of the house.
I don't know how long I can cope with it.

Clobbered Mon 02-Nov-15 19:46:14

Have you tried pointing it out to him, and how it makes you feel? Obviously he has grown up in a house where this is the norm, and it is a learned behaviour. The important thing is whether he is able to see that it is a problem and make the effort to change. Sounds like you are pretty ground down by it all.

Seeyounearertime Mon 02-Nov-15 19:50:01

Next time he say anything, stop exactly on the spot, turn and looknhim right in the eyes and tell him in the nicest way possible,
"Either I do it my way, or you do it yourself"
Eventually he'll be doing everything and you can eat relax on the sofa with your feet up. grin

Pigzoom Mon 02-Nov-15 19:51:44

Yes I've just told him to stop and he says but I don't know how to speak to you now(?). I said let's try it for a few days the world won't crumble.

Pigzoom Mon 02-Nov-15 20:07:32

It is grounding me down! I don't want to live like this anymore

Seeyounearertime Mon 02-Nov-15 20:12:49

I'm not surprised. I loved with a woman for whom I could do no right.
I washed up wrong, I hung washing out wrong, I put things in the fridge wrong, packed shopping bags wrong, i used the wrong knife to slice cheese, I made coffee wrong (milk first apparently), I made the bed wrong, I hoovered wrong and I even sat wrong. Apparently men don't cross their legs at the knee??
Eventually I figured if she's going to moan at me for doing things she may as well moan at me for doing nothing, at least I'll be relaxed and sat own when she moans. She moaned I did nothing. Lmao.

AttilaTheMeerkat Mon 02-Nov-15 20:17:18


re your comment:-
"I've always thought his parents relationship was awful. His dad dictating all the time and being the man of the house".

It was indeed awful and remains so. Your man is simply carrying on the lessons that his parents taught him about relationships. You to him are woman purely and simply to serve him, your opinion does not count and his way alone goes.

One generation i.e. your man has already been affected; do you want your child to learn the same damaging crap as your man has done to date and repeat that in their adult relationships as well?.

We learn about relationships first and foremost from our parents; look at what his taught him. That should have made you run a lot earlier. What did you learn about relationships when growing up?.

Do not put yourself in the role that his own downtrodden mother has got herself into i.e. excusing this and putting up with it as a result. You could all too easily become like her. She's likely tried talking to her H about this as well with no result either.

If you really do not want to live like this any more then you are going to have to separate from him. There is really no other option; such men like your man do not fundamentally change.

RunRabbitRunRabbit Mon 02-Nov-15 20:43:16

Yes I've just told him to stop and he says but I don't know how to speak to you now(?). I said let's try it for a few days the world won't crumble.

He doesn't have to agree to try it. I am sure he can work out some other things to say to you if he puts his mind to it. All you have to do is to tell him off firmly every single time he does it until he stops or you walk out.

Pigzoom Mon 02-Nov-15 20:45:26

That's what I'm afraid of Atillia. That's totally what I'm afraid of. I do not want to be dictated too it's hard work!!

Pigzoom Mon 02-Nov-15 20:51:05

I felt like I was going mad but now I know I'm not.
I'm justified in feeling this pissed off with it and that its ok to leave and that being the reason

CatMilkMan Mon 02-Nov-15 22:45:32

Just don't do things when he tells you how? I like to do some things a certain way so DP doesn't do them and I do.
His way might be more organised so leave it to him, you do what you want your way and he can faff around doing it his way.

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