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Do you fantisise about having sex with other men/man?

(18 Posts)
autumnleaves123 Mon 02-Nov-15 16:02:43

I have never been unfaithful to my husband but I have to say that I regularly fantasize about having sex with a man I met 16 years ago, when I was already in a relationship with my now husband. When I masturbate I think of him, and it's just beautiful/amazing.

Our sex life is not great at the moment due to both being too tired and most of the time in pyjamas or lounging clothes for any spark to start. I love my husband, I just don't feel like having sex with him most of the time. He's a nice person, but I find it hard to feel sexy around him or to find him sexy. He's a bit scruffy at home and doesn't shower as much as I think he needs too when he's at home.

I've talked to him thousand times about the scruffiness and the BO, and been very direct and told him what I want, but I guess it's not my place to be constantly asking him what to do or when to have a shower. He's very stubborn and refuses to do things if I ask him to. So it's a no win situation.

I feel bad sometimes that the best sex I'm having is a fantasy, with the idea of a man I fell in love years ago and have never seen since then. Is that infidelity? Is that normal or am I going mad?

timelytess Mon 02-Nov-15 16:08:21

Normal. Keep it to yourself and carry on.
Possibly think about how much you want to be with a scruffy, smelly husband.

Jan45 Mon 02-Nov-15 16:09:55

I don't blame you, I couldn't be with a man that didn't take pride in his appearance and ensured he was clean and smelling nice for me, so, for me, I only fantasise about my own man, maybe boring but he does it for me.

You will just have to put up as he's not taking on board what you are saying, you'd think he would want to, where is the romance?

NotToWorryHoney Mon 02-Nov-15 16:19:51

No I don't, I couldn't be with a man who I didn't find good looking/sexy and certainly wouldn't be with someone who didn't take care of their appearance and smelt. I won't even allow DP in bed unless he has showered, and you shouldn't feel bad either!

cansu Mon 02-Nov-15 16:22:30

Yes I do, but it is also fair to say that I don't have a good relationship with my dp and we no longer sleep with one another. I think though that I have always have done this even when we were good together.

StillDrSethHazlittMD Mon 02-Nov-15 17:30:47

There was a similar thread a few weeks back. On which I, as a man, said I had honestly never fantasised about another woman during sex. Many women thought I was lying. No, honestly, I haven't. The majority of women on that thread said they often fantasised about other men during sex.

So, it seems it is normal certainly for a lot of women. I can't say for other men.

However, interestingly, on that same thread, a woman asked the OP how she would feel if her man fantasised about another woman. OP admitted she wouldn't like it.

If you don't feel like you want sex with your partner, then you need to talk to your partner about why this is and what could be done to improve things - without being hurtful or too critical. If he takes it on board and improves, great. If not, bail out. Find yourself a new man you do find sexy. Maybe you'll no longer need to fantasise.

mumofsammy Mon 02-Nov-15 17:46:56

Completely normal OP. Fantasising is a great thing to do IMO. It gets you more in the mood. I for one love my husband and find him sexy. I'm also having a delicious love affair with a completely different man in my head. Luckily he's a celebrity so if won't get complicated!

expatinscotland Mon 02-Nov-15 17:48:23

It's only a fantasy. I have them about shagging Daniel Craig. Harmless.

maybebabybee Mon 02-Nov-15 17:50:27

I do, but I do love my DP and find him sexually attractive. I would think it way more of an issue if I didn't.

My fantasies are generally celebrities I don't know, although there is one guy at work who makes an appearance from time to time - I don't know him from Adam though, he's just hot!

Alexjoy Mon 02-Nov-15 17:53:34

All the time.

Guys I see on the train, guys at work, in particular one I used to work with.

TooSassy Mon 02-Nov-15 17:58:18

Yes. But then I am single. (Or soon to be)

Have never fantasised about having sex with someone else during the act though. Fortunately have always been having good enough sex with my partner for that not to be an option.

My current fantasy is over a dish of a guy I met a few weeks ago. Tall, dark and dreamy. I could climb him like a tree and do bad bad things to him!

mumofsammy Mon 02-Nov-15 18:01:06

And of course you are having the best sex ever with your fantasy man. After all, he knows exactly what you want and when, says all the right things and has the perfect personality. - our poor husbands can't possibly compete!

Joysmum Mon 02-Nov-15 18:27:51

I don't about particular people but we both fantasize about faceless threesomes as its a turn on for us both.

No way I'd ever make that happen though. The best sex ever have been with my hubby and the ultimate for me is a monogamous relationship.

In reality using/being used for sex isn't something I could reconcile after my past so we'll keep it to fantasy.

FredaMayor Mon 02-Nov-15 18:38:49

Fantasies are normal, and as long as its not about hurting others, harmless.

But I find it hard to feel sexy around him or to find him sexy means you have other problems because you have made it clear why and been ignored.

Try to separate your fantasies from your present difficulties, what is happening does not mean that you must search at all costs for a long lost love, it means that you have a lazy/bored partner who needs to get his act together.

pocketsaviour Mon 02-Nov-15 19:17:53

I've only done this when I've been with a partner I wasn't sexually compatible with.

autumnleaves123 Mon 02-Nov-15 19:29:14

Just to clarify that I don't fantasize with other men during sex with my husband and have never done. When I am with him, my mind and body are with him too. But when I am on my own and it comes to pleasuring myself,I always think of this one guy. Always the same person. That's why I think it's weird.

mumofsammy Mon 02-Nov-15 19:59:47

Don't read too much into that though. The man in your mind is no longer a real person as you've created him into the ideal man. He wouldn't really be like that.

autumnleaves123 Wed 04-Nov-15 14:37:30

Thank you very much all for your comments. Food for thought smile

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