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When someone constantly looking for a mistake in you...

(24 Posts)
Inexperiencedchick Mon 02-Nov-15 15:01:22

Just that really.

When a person is always looking for a reason or chance to pinpoint your mistakes/weakest points...

What would you do?!

scatterthenuns Mon 02-Nov-15 15:03:08

Dump them.

Annarose2014 Mon 02-Nov-15 15:04:46

Run for the fucking hills.

Sooner or later you'll start believing them. And then you'll believe someone as awful as you couldn't possibly get anyone else.

Which is the whole object, of course.

LineyReborn Mon 02-Nov-15 15:05:45

You can hope that they'll change (they won't) or you can split up / part ways. That's my experience, anyway.

Clobbered Mon 02-Nov-15 15:06:19

Leave. Leave now.

Skiptonlass Mon 02-Nov-15 15:07:46

Leave. Can't be doing with people like that.

My boss is like this, constantly looking for errors. I feel like she's trying to build up a set of errors to keep in reserve. I did think that was a big paranoid but it turns out that her other direct reports feel the same sad

It's not a good way to approach a relationship- get out.

SlightF0x Mon 02-Nov-15 15:07:52

What annarose said..

SlightF0x Mon 02-Nov-15 15:11:33

if it's a 'd'p

There's a man at work who seems to act like it's well known that I'm thick confused and lately whenever he's made a joke at my expense, I've felt like I have to retaliate, a bit. The last time he asked me to do something and I didn't do it and he walked away muttering ''shudda known'' so I muttered loudly ''dave seems to think he has a secretary, seems to think it's me!'"

So it depends on who the person is.

Inexperiencedchick Mon 02-Nov-15 15:11:34

I started to doubt myself, in everything...

Like I'm under constant observation, under a microscope.

SlightF0x Mon 02-Nov-15 15:12:54

Even if you had made a mistake, you'd be allowed to.

It's a human right to make a mistake, so if you did make one, you're allowed to. It shouldn't be held against you and used against you. You also have the right to change your mind. (Anne Dickson, ''a woman in your own right'' - a very good book)

Inexperiencedchick Mon 02-Nov-15 15:18:37

Thanks for the book advice.

You know that feeling when you even doubt your body shape.... I never had problems with my body, but became so anxious about my look, couldn't believe myself.

Even the words that came out from my mouth. But the person is very sure about himself...

Inexperiencedchick Mon 02-Nov-15 15:20:41

It's a guy I dated lately...

LineyReborn Mon 02-Nov-15 15:21:18

Oh please tell him to sod off.

Frequentblooper Mon 02-Nov-15 15:27:22

This sort of happened to me in my last relationship which ended earlier this year in May. Because all the putdowns were done with a smile and through humour I didn't realise but after a few years it was clear the change in me everyone around me could see. If whether conscious or unconsciously he was doing it it was still all a form of control and affected me badly. I've had seven weeks of therapy and I'm so much more assertive in a new real good place again now. I learned the type I was dating was a narcissist. If someone is your friend or your boyfriend you should come away feeling happy after spending time with them not confused and asking the question am I being emotionally abused?

Inexperiencedchick Mon 02-Nov-15 15:33:25

I thought he is a control freak...

I didn't know I've been abused but somehow I started to feel unloved, unwanted and not beautiful...

Even my grammar in Arabic language. I don't speak Arabic but know few words so used them with English alphabet.
I have been criticised for that straight away...

It's bad, right?!

pocketsaviour Mon 02-Nov-15 15:34:13

My boss does this. I handed in my notice today. hope he chokes on it

Inexperiencedchick Mon 02-Nov-15 15:35:33

I'm sorry Pocket flowers

pallasathena Mon 02-Nov-15 17:02:11

Number one, recognise it for what it is - a form of psychological control where the perpetrator has designs to control/intimidate/undermine you.
Number two, detach and refuse to engage. Number three, assert your right not to be intimidated or devalued and threaten to expose their behaviour to someone with authority.
Finally, give them a piece of my mind and sod the consequences. Oh yes, and tell them its your human right to be treated respectfully in a non threatening environment.

RunRabbitRunRabbit Mon 02-Nov-15 22:07:17

Stop dating him immediately. Don't even bother giving him a reason.

AnyFucker Mon 02-Nov-15 22:08:18

dump him

SlightF0x Tue 03-Nov-15 10:29:57

hope you're ok Pocket. start doing what suits you. brew

SlightF0x Tue 03-Nov-15 10:31:21

Oh, OP are you abroad?

I used to live and work in Spain and when I spoke Spanish I was repeatedly reminded not to worry about making mistakes. This guy sounds horrible.

lancerate121 Tue 03-Nov-15 15:33:11

I was married to a man who would constantly criticise me. It eroded my self esteem and i tot I could not find anyone better than him. It took me 7 years to realise I am worth much more than this to end my marriage. Dump the guy, you will be greatful to have your life back.

Inexperiencedchick Tue 03-Nov-15 16:49:59

I'm not with him anymore. But sad... And was angry with myself that I didn't walk away earlier...

I'm in UK. He is fluent in Arabic and knew I don't know that language...

It's not about language at all, it's about treating any person in your life the way you wanted to be treated yourself.

And yes my self esteem is better now than it was during my time with him...

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