Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

No idea where I stand looking for advice!

(7 Posts)
dm2467 Sun 01-Nov-15 18:31:16

I have never been on a forum to ask about anything like this before and I apologise for this being long winded. I met this girl in July and we hit it off immediately. She has been coming to my place and weve been doing things together. It gets pretty complicated from here. So after about 3 months we had been seeing each other every other weekend. At the beginning we were both pretty much in agreement this was a casual thing. She wasnt long out a long term relationship and I wasnt looking for anything serious. As the months passed I developed feelings for her, truth be told I knew from the first moment she came round mine that I liked her, I felt completely at ease with her, we shared common interests, we laughed together teased each other and were clearly attracted to one another. After a few months I plucked up the courage and told her how I felt but it came out wrong and came across as if I was asking for a relationship and marriage! Which is not what I ment, What I wanted to say was I know we said at the beginning this was casual but I have feelings for you, is it the same ? So we chat about it she tells me I'm sorry if you feel Ive led you on but im not long out a relationship and you didnt want a relationship I thought we could do this and know that its just some fun. I explain what I then ment to say and we agree that we should just continue as normal however she does say its not the right timing I do like you too I think we get on really well but I do think it would be messy moving on so quickly. In the beginning she was saying basically this is just sex but its never just been sex. We go away for the day together we go for food together, she stays, we buy each other stupid gifts and organise to go do things. That for me isnt just sex its basically everything a couple would do without the label. Its now november and were still doing what weve been doing from the beginning. Which I really enjoy. We tease each other and last week during texting she mentions not to take anything to heart that she says because Im out of her league which I dont think at all. Then we spend all this week together because Ive been off and so has she, we went away a couple of days and spent the other days messing around and going for food, inbetween texting when we werent together. So the last night before it goes back to normality we are lying around my place and she mentions, what are going to do when other girls come up here and arent as laid back as this. I never said anything at the time but this really pissed me off after sending that message about being out of her league the week before and then spending the whole week together and talking every other day for about 6 months, also me telling her I liked her which to me means Im not interested in anybody else, her telling me she likes me to (even saying im glad you said it first). Then throwing that at me! Am I basically a convenience for her as I have my own place and willing to go out and do things. Shes told me her ex wasnt outgoing never took her to parties and im pretty much the opposite. Im basically no further forward from where I was when I told her I had feelings for her. Its like she wants the best of both worlds. I wouldnt speak bad of her because shes a nice person not just in the case of me having feelings for her just in general, Ive spent enough time around her to realise that. Another thing she is talking about doing stuff at new year and next year, shes thinking in the future which tells me she either wants something to happen or happy enough having a friend ? Whatever this is I hope someone on here can give me some help ? Thank you.

RedMapleLeaf Sun 01-Nov-15 18:43:21

I think the problem is that she's told you what she wants ("fun") and you want something different (commitment? to go public?).

ALaughAMinute Sun 01-Nov-15 18:53:53

I think it sounds as if the relatationship is going great but you need to calm down a bit. Please don't take this the wrong way but you are coming across as a bit intense and that can be offputting.

As for her comment about "other girls" she might have been just testing you to see what your reaction was. Either way, I think you need to chill out a bit.

How long have you been seeing her?

dm2467 Sun 01-Nov-15 19:44:25

I think its going well, Im pretty easy going about the whole thing apart from her saying things like other girls, Im making an effort for her and didnt want it to be brushed off like that. Im not pushing for commitment just from the signals want to know if its going anywhere. I dont know if she would call it seeing each other to be honest lol, but weve been seeing each other since June.

RedMapleLeaf Sun 01-Nov-15 19:57:44


loveyoutothemoon Sun 01-Nov-15 20:18:11

Stop thinking about it and enjoy it. Sounds like you both really like each other. I think you could start pushing her away.

springydaffs Sun 01-Nov-15 20:32:11

Paragraphs op. So hard to read without paragraphs.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: