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I need to find somewhere to live. Need advice. Please help.

(14 Posts)
Feelingdowntonight Sun 01-Nov-15 15:33:29

I've been unhappy in my marriage a long time.

About 6 months ago we decided to split but we still live in the same house. Sleep in the same bed (top to tail!)

I can't do this anymore. But I am so clueless as to how to move on.

These are our circumstances :

I am depressed and have anxiety. For a decade.

DH has depression and various other minor health issues.

He is on ESA (employment support allowance) and we live off this along with child benefit and child tax credit.

We live in a housing association property with our rent being covered by housing benefit.

I'm a nervous wreck due to my issues and am terrified but I can't live here anymore.

I have ZERO savings. I have the money in my bank (a few hundred quid ) and £40 in my drawer. That's it.

How on earth am I supposed to get somewhere to live?

Will I be able to get somewhere with enough room for my kids to come stay? I have no job, I have no qualifications and have panic attacks, I can't even imagine me functioning in a work environment with people.

The waiting list for house here is years. I have no money to rent privately.

I just don't know what to do. DH is shouting at me because he doesn't want me here anymore.

Varya Sun 01-Nov-15 15:34:21


mudandmayhem01 Sun 01-Nov-15 15:38:50

Why do you have to the one who moves out?

CuppaSarah Sun 01-Nov-15 15:38:59

I'm assuming both names are on the tenancy agreement? Is private rental an option in your area? I know it isn't round my way, but if its possible for you I would go for it.

Have you told the housing association you're splitting from each other?

The other thing to say is, will he be able to afford the place you are now without you and the children living there, with bedroom tax? If that's the case it's him that would needs to leave.

flowers this is such a horrible situation and I'm so sorry you're stuck in it.

VimFuego101 Sun 01-Nov-15 15:40:49

Do you work? Would he want the children to live with him?

Feelingdowntonight Sun 01-Nov-15 15:41:23

Yes we have 4 children in a 3 bed house so nothing will change for him.

He is their main care provider, always has been and we have agreed I should be the one to move out. I have no problem with this, as long as I can get somewhere with a spare bedroom for the children to stay and it's close by.

CuppaSarah Sun 01-Nov-15 15:43:49

The upper limit for housing benefit for private rentals is around £715 pounds a month I think. So if you can get somewhere under that you should be fine, as I imagine you would qualify for full housing benefit. Not all areas take housing benefit for private rentals though.

So if you need to leave, relocating to a low cost rent area could be an option.

First and foremost you must speak to the housing association and the local council about the situation. Each council has procedures for these things, unfortunately most won't be keen to do anything. But some will surprise you. You just need to keep calm and focus on the end goal, its not easy when you suffer anxiety at all though. Try and focus on one year from now.

Firstly think about where you were one year ago and how different things were then. Then breathe and think that next year will be very different too, only this time you're choosing what will change. You will get through this I promise.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted Sun 01-Nov-15 15:45:07

Will you be able to get somewhere with enough room for the kids to stay? Doubtful.

Your Local Authority might be able help you with a deposit for a private rental BUT the landlords who would be prepared to take you on as a tenant totally dependent on housing benefit are few and far between. The total amount of HB you might be entitled to would be a room in a shared house rate if you move without your children. You can check what that amount of benefit would be by looking at their website. If you're over 25 (I think) you could be entitled to the rate for a one-bedroomed property.

With a couple of hundred quid to your name you could secure a spot as someone's lodger, but the issue of being dependent on benefits rears its head again.

Owllady Sun 01-Nov-15 15:46:08

Are you getting any support off medical professionals for your anxiety and depression?
I really don't know the ins and outs of your relationship, but I'd think very carefully about leaving yourself. You need to talk through these decisions with a counsellor. Don't do anything rash

Feelingdowntonight Sun 01-Nov-15 16:00:51

I can't do house share. I need my own space to sort myself out and be able to have my kids with me weekends.

heyday Sun 01-Nov-15 20:48:50

It will be difficult to find private accommodation as you will be totally dependant on housing benefit and many landlords do not like this especially as they have to wait several weeks for rent to be paid initially. Housing benefit almost certainly won't privide you with enough benefit to cover the cost of a two bedroom place. If you were lucky enough to get a place you would have to get a bed settee so the children can have the bedroom whilst you have the sofa bed. You need to speak to the housing association and MH charities who may be able to help you.

MumOnTheRunAgain Sun 01-Nov-15 21:57:33

Really sorry but what you are asking for is beyond the reach of ha/councils. If they had a 2 bed property spare it would go to a family already on their housing list

A house share or a bed sit would be your options. You won't have enough money to fund anything bigger anyway as you won't get tax credits/CB anymore. And you will be required to pay child maintenence from your jsa/is

springydaffs Sun 01-Nov-15 22:03:36

Connect Shelter to talk this through with them. They are the experts.

I'm surprised you have agreed to leave the children. It's not the usual way around? Can I ask what your relationship has been like? Is he a good man, has he been a good partner?

trapdooragain Sun 01-Nov-15 22:06:32

would he be amenable to swapping homes with you so you could see the kids and he could use your bedsit/flat etc as his own space every other weekend?

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