Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

newish man snogging an unknown man in a club

(90 Posts)
captainBeaky Sun 01-Nov-15 09:17:35

He thinks I shouldn't be bothered by this at all, even though he did it right in front of me. The whole situation was instigated by the other man, but my oh seemed to enjoy it. It started out kind of jokey until I tapped his arm to stop now but he continued. He says he liked the attention. I'm not feeling that I can trust him at all right now. He assures me that he adores me but I actually do not know what to think. Opinions gratefully received

BackInTheRealWorld Sun 01-Nov-15 09:19:42

I don't think it matters what sex the other person was. Your new bloke got off with someone right in front of you. Fuck that. Bin!

superram Sun 01-Nov-15 09:20:38

He cheated on you, in front of you. Run for the hills! Lots of people like attention from both sexes but he is showing a total lack of respect for you. Ltb!

DoreenLethal Sun 01-Nov-15 09:21:34

What would you think if it was another woman?

category12 Sun 01-Nov-15 09:21:38

Next!

TooSassy Sun 01-Nov-15 09:22:58

What????

Immediately end. That is beyond the realm of acceptable. Even back in the day when I had a FB that would have been an absolute no go when we were in each other's company.

Andcake Sun 01-Nov-15 09:23:38

Doesn't matter on sex/ gender etc he disrespected you...only one answer dump

NickiFury Sun 01-Nov-15 09:23:51

I'd have dumped him on the spot and left immediately. He had sexual contact with someone right in front of you. That persons gender is utterly irrelevant.

TooSassy Sun 01-Nov-15 09:24:08

I should add I couldn't care less whether it was a man or a woman. unacceptable

Finola1step Sun 01-Nov-15 09:24:25

He snogged someone in front of you. Doesn't matter if it was a man or a woman. He is sending you a message - "I do what I like when I like because its all about me".

Dump.

SerenityReynolds Sun 01-Nov-15 09:24:51

Why on earth does he think you shouldn't be bothered about him snogging someone else in front of you?? Even if you aren't officially exclusive with him, it's still quite disrespectful to you. Only exception is if you're in agreement about an open relationship, but I'm guessing that's not the case based on your post!

I would seriously think about binning him. I wouldn't be able to trust that it wouldn't happen again. And if he knows you're not happy about it, he'll probably just do it when you're not there.

something2say Sun 01-Nov-15 09:30:23

Hold on a second.....it genuinely reads to me that you were in a club right, drinking, and someone offered him a sexy smog on passing and he said yes.....perhaps they were looking for him to song you right afterwards, and then maybe you smog the other man after that? Some people would quite enjoy that I expect. It's not really for me but I did socialize once with a smart young couple who I think we're into all that. They tried to get me but I wasn't interested, but I do recognize that there are people like that..... What do people think?

something2say Sun 01-Nov-15 09:31:16

I'm so sorry it should read snog!!! iPad hasn't recognized the concept!

patterkiller Sun 01-Nov-15 09:34:36

Bin, dump, run.

OurBlanche Sun 01-Nov-15 09:37:20

No, no, no, patterkiller

Bin, dump and walk slowly away, head high, dignity intact.

Don't run, you'll end up looking a bit frantic smile

sminkypinky Sun 01-Nov-15 09:38:47

An ex of mine did similar with one of his friends. He accused me of being homophobic when I said I wasn't happy. That wasn't the case at all the gender didn't matter. I stayed with him for a very short time after this as he really started to show his true (entitled, Self centred, arrogant) colours.
It's totally disrespectful, I think as it's a newish relationship I'd ltb.

captainBeaky Sun 01-Nov-15 09:39:33

Yes, we were in a club, only a couple of pints in, so he doesn't really have that excuse. I have tried explaining that I now cannot trust him. He assures me that had it been a woman he would have told her to fuck off as he loves me, but I don't really see the difference. He is adamant that I mean the world to him, and I truly want to believe that but now I have huge doubts.How could he carry on snogging someone after I have stormed off, obviously upset? I half want someone to see it from his point of view so that I can. I just don't get it, and I am in no way prudish or homophobic.

Cheesybaps Sun 01-Nov-15 09:39:33

Bloody hell, dump. Who DOES that?! Sex of the other person is irrelevant!

VocationalGoat Sun 01-Nov-15 09:40:20

Newish man, eh? Call him Ex by this afternoon, OK? Seriously, do that...for you.

avocadoghost Sun 01-Nov-15 09:48:59

No difference at all, it's shit behaviour regardless of the sex of the person. Fuck that.

ALemonyPea Sun 01-Nov-15 09:51:42

Doesn't matter if it was a man or a woman, get rid of him and save yourself the agony of getting too involved.

Will he sleep with a man in a few months time and tell you it doesn't matter as it's not another woman?

captainBeaky Sun 01-Nov-15 09:54:56

He thinks I am over-reacting and it was just an ostentatious theatrical gesture. The man tried it again and was given short shrift by him

patterkiller Sun 01-Nov-15 09:56:17

I think it's a unanimous dump him. It's up to you if you don't want to listen.

wiltingfast Sun 01-Nov-15 09:56:20

He's a head fucker, dump immediately.

Starspread Sun 01-Nov-15 09:56:39

Unanimous verdict here of 'dump', which is a perfectly legitimate response. But...

He evidently didn't think it was inappropriate or would hurt you - foolish and misguided of him, but not malicious. You're well within your rights to be furious and upset. When you've talked it through with him, is he apologetic and does he recognise that - despite not meaning to - he behaved disrespectfully and hurt you? If so, this might not have to be a dumping offence.

He thought it was just a bit of fun. He was badly wrong. He learns from the experience and never ever does it again. I genuinely think that's as much a possibility as him being a selfish shitbag who can never ever be trusted again, but the key is whether he really really listens when you explain that you were upset.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now