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5mths pregnant, is dh cheating with escorts?

(8 Posts)
2buttons Sat 31-Oct-15 19:15:41

Sigh... wish I wasn't doing this but I need advice...

Where to start crikey, I've been married 7 yrs, dating DH for 12 yrs total. Our sex life has been off the boil for a few years now, primarily because he rejects my advances (I've never turned him down and made plenty of effort, no prude etc) , he's a successful career man but a nightly drunk and sex became fumbles and BJs and then with the IVF (7rs) and it being male factor I didn't push him on it. he says he hasn't noticed about our sex life but maybe he's just become less sensitive to needing it or it's too much pressure for him, so he'd rather be drunk.

My husband has a 6mth old Tinder Account, about 6yrs ago he'd created a match account, today i found an email account under 'John Smith' for a Zoosk dating account at least 18mths old...in all instances there's no evidence of him communicating with anyone. He blamed the match one on a friend sending him it, the tinder one he said is just for looking "everyone does it"...

He also has a Twitter account just for following various porn things though there are lots of escorts, models etc on there...whilst he doesn't tell me how he's using it all (porn, webcams, escorts etc) he says he hasn't had sex behind my back ever, doesn't want to and is not communicating with anyone.

Today, amongst the pseudonym email account there is an email with login details for a site that basically runs a London party house full of party girls where for £80 you can party as long as you like!

over the yrs dh has made flyaway comments that I wouldn't know if he cheated, that I'd forgive him if he did ...

I've been trying to engage him on the difficulties in our marriage with sex and intimacy for a month, needless to say he hated it everytime I brought it up so it's been about 7 very short conversations so far...

The last one 2 nights ago he was drunk and was saying he hadn't done anything with anyone in various ways but also said he hadn't seen an escort in 2 mths (the way this was fitted into the conversation just sounded like it could be drunken confusion but I wonder now) ... He also started trying to tell me that I existed in the past and that the modern world has moved on - again kinda drunken nonsense but I think he was trying to say that monogamy was an outdated concept ... He also shouted that he didn't care anymore, if I didn't trust him I should just go... F I hate drunks.

Today I found the John Smith email account (Zoosk and escort parties) which hadn't been used much but - my dh leaves these things open on his iPhone and iPad, almost like he wants me to see...

Dh travels lots for work, escorts are cheap anyway - I don't have hard proof (communications, bookings or obvious payments) but the intent seems overwhelming, as a best case scenario.

I'm 5mths pregnant, finally, after yrs of hell ... I don't work either, little savings but I am professionally trained.

Dh is out late for dinner... I need to pretend I'm asleep or something tonight but tomorrow? What do I do???

Thanks xx

FellOutOfBedTwice Sat 31-Oct-15 19:19:47

What? So he's admitted he's used escorts? Fuck that. He sounds horrible. Pregnant or not I would be telling him to leave I think. He doesn't sound like he respects women generally - and you specifically- much.

loveyoutothemoon Sat 31-Oct-15 19:20:25

Yes it is very likely. Sorry. Do you know what you're going to do?

Joysmum Sat 31-Oct-15 19:22:48

I need to feel secure in my relationship. If I can't then I'd be too angst and I deserve better.

ImperialBlether Sat 31-Oct-15 19:26:23

He sounds absolutely horrible and I doubt it would be a great surprise if you found out for sure he'd been with escorts. However, often the only way you find out is through an STD.

Is this really the man you want to share your life with?

ShizeItsWeegie Sat 31-Oct-15 19:27:11

Shize OP. Start afresh without this tosser. Get rid. He sounds vile. Sorry.

SeldomAthleticFC Sat 31-Oct-15 19:30:50

Regardless whether he's using escorts, the fact that he's an incoherent drunk is reason enough to LTB. You need to do what's best for you and your baby.

YellowTulips Sat 31-Oct-15 20:03:40

Seriously????? Ok I'll bite....

You've been undergoing fertility treatment with a man who has been cheating on you for years and is an incoherent rambling drunk who has so little respect for you he even tells you that you'd forgive him. hmm

What to do?

1. Re-read your post. Think about what you wrote. What would you say to someone else in that situation?

2. Leave him. I doubt given all you've already "accepted" you'll do this for yourself, but don't subject your baby to having this self absorbed, cheating, drunken pitiful excuse for a man as a main carer.

3. Get some therapy to rediscover your self worth and dignity. Don't get involved with anyone else until you have done so.

Finally please don't say "but I love him" or "he's a great person really.

You may love the idea of who you want him to be, but he's SHOWN you repeatedly he is not that person and people define themselves by their actions and his demonstrate him to be an asshole.

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