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Work friend

(11 Posts)
KMAC99 Sat 31-Oct-15 11:56:37

Hi
I was quite good friends with a girl at work, but one day she fell out with me as she thought i had insulted her (I hadn't!). We kinda cleared that up, however since she has been going out with another work colleague after work each week and doesn't invite me ( i was the one who introduced them and suggested the 3 of us go for drinks which we did initially).
They basically try to hide the fact they are going from me, but it is pretty obvious. I told my friend she doesn't have to hide it from me, and that it is nice to be invited sometimes, but she said they have 'private ' things to talk about (the other girls wedding).
So it keeps happening, they usually pretend they are not doing it but i often see them as i pass them on the way home.
I know this sounds very childish, but it still hurts that they so deliberately exclude me. Another girl in the office is in on it, so i feel like a social pariah.
I thought i had left this behind at school, but clearly not.
I think i find it particularly hard as i have recently moved to the area they live and don't know many people there.

Any reflections on this behaviour?! Thanks! X

pocketsaviour Sat 31-Oct-15 11:59:34

It's very hurtful to be excluded like this, especially when the people doing the excluding pretend that it isn't happen, and invalidate your feelings.

It sounds like you have reacted in a very adult way and tried to repair the friendship, but these people are being very childish. and cliquey.

I know what it's like when you're new to an area. Are they any local meetup.com groups you could join?

IguanaTail Sat 31-Oct-15 12:01:49

Let them get on with it. Call "have fun!" after them and smile. Don't let it bother you.

KMAC99 Sat 31-Oct-15 12:03:33

It is a very rural area, and there doesn't seem to be much, though i did join a tennis club (even though i am a bit useless at it!).
I think it has hit my self esteem a bit tbh, i am wondering why i would be treated like this. I also miss my old friends who live further away now.
In had to move due to boyfriends work, so can't really move back.
I just can't understand why they would treat me like this, i have been more than pleasant to them and am a very inclusive person myself
I am also amazed how adults can be so childish and mean!

wonderlustly Sat 31-Oct-15 13:01:31

You're clearly able to make friends so it's not you that's the problem. I think different people view friendships in different ways; I know someone who visibly ranks friends: if x is free she'll hang out with x and exclude y and z, if x isn't free she'll move on to y and so on. Cliquey behaviour is often linked to people's insecurities, maybe one or both of your colleagues are worried that if you come along then you'll disrupt their 'special' friendship.

Try to rise above it, be bright and breezy when you see them and don't think any of your other colleagues are judging you by these people's behaviour.

spudlike1 Sat 31-Oct-15 13:30:03

When their backs are turned stick.your 'V's up and you tongue out ..lots of new friends out there to.be found ..can't stand women like this ...yuk! Good riddance

Epilepsyhelp Sat 31-Oct-15 13:37:59

Utter twats. You've dodged a bullet with people like this, honestly. It'll get easier and if they do ever ask you just say no, you don't need petty mean people in your life.

KMAC99 Sat 31-Oct-15 13:38:32

Thanks so much for the supportive replies, it has helped loads.
It is a shame they are in work otherwise i could cut them out of my life completely. I also didn't mention i have to manage one of them, which i really would rather not as i have totally lost respect for her now!
I agree with you wonderlusty that there is a posessiveness that smacks of insecurity. I probably would be less bothered if i hadn't also moved and feel a bit lonely in that area.

Also, i will be more careful who i become friends with, especially in work. It seems we never really move out of the playground!

messystressy Sat 31-Oct-15 14:06:42

I work in a corporate environment in London and the cliquiness kills me. Rather than just annoucing "we are going for a drink - everyone is welcome" it is a not very subtle whispery whisper things which makes the office very uncomfortable. I think it is massively childish. I have been to a couple of these drinking sessions and found it all very mean spirited - constant horrible jokes about people not present (nb. I work mostly with men). I have better things to do with my time that this - I think the same must be true of you, OP. Rise above it. I too would also offer a cheery "have a good time!".

spudlike1 Sat 31-Oct-15 14:24:42

I find its best to be friendly with everyone at work and actual friends with very few if any. I also avoid drinks after work with certain cliques it's just a bitchy playground it bores me tbh . I prefer to keep.it professional do a good job go home :-)

Getting drawn in to cliques is also tiring

sonjadog Sat 31-Oct-15 14:31:14

Similar experience here, messy. Cliquey groups where I work who try to take out like those who aren't invited are less fun and interesting. But when you actually go along, it is all mind-spirited gossip abput other colleagues and silly giggling. Best avoided.

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