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Anyone who isn't married got a decent financial settlement on seperation?

(23 Posts)
Perfectmummy1234 Fri 30-Oct-15 22:05:14

He 2 DC both under 9 - Joint ownership on property.
Not really worked for 8years. No other savings pension etc.
Working 20 hours per week. Not able to cover cost of rental or pay off partner unless he takes less than 50% split in equity

fastdaytears Fri 30-Oct-15 22:07:41

That's not good. flowers

Can you afford the mortgage payments if you can get an order delaying the property sale until the kids are 18?

Have you checked what benefits you might be able to get?

ginmakesitallok Fri 30-Oct-15 22:09:13

My mum. But he did it purely out of guilt because he'd had an afair when she was diagnosed with MS, with a woman half her age, who he moved into the house 2 weeks after he moved mum out because she was pregnant.

She's got a house for life, a 60k lump sum and all bills paid.

He's still a twatty in my eyes, but mum babysits for them......

fastdaytears Fri 30-Oct-15 22:10:15

gin is your mum the nicest lady in the world?

Hope her health not too awful.

ginmakesitallok Fri 30-Oct-15 22:12:14

She's keeping really well fasttears thank you. And yes she is the nicest lady in the world.

Perfectmummy1234 Fri 30-Oct-15 22:21:14

I can afford the mortgage its far lower in repayments than renting would be. His solicitor has suggested 5 years and when I sell I would need to give him 50% equity still. Obvoiusly I still would'nt be able to find that sort of money os would then be homeless.
5 years wouldn't even take my son to secondary school age.

fastdaytears Fri 30-Oct-15 22:26:53

That's good that your mortgage isn't too painful. you will have to buy him out at some point, but the thing will be to negotiate for it to be as far away as possible and ideally when your youngest is 18. But if it's sooner it's still better than selling now and you can start to look for more hours etc ready to re-mortgage when you have to. Sounds much better than renting if rent is so high.
presumably your ex can afford to pay rent somewhere, plus maintenance? It sounds like a good sign that his solicitor has offered 5 years- means he must be able to live somehow.
Do you have a solicitor? What did he/she say about this offer?

Perfectmummy1234 Fri 30-Oct-15 22:39:57

good point fastdaytears hadn't even thought about the fact the further away it is the more chance I have to be able to buy him out and take over the mortgage. He would hate this as obviously he won't be able to buy anywhere I guess. Is that right. Can I really expect him to not be able to get a mortgage for 10 years + until children are 18??
Is he still expected to contribute to the mortgage or does the equity increase stop now?
Why would his solicotor have said 5 years?? Was he just trying it on?
I'm seeing my solicitor next week. I have aksed for info on his pension, some shares he has and savings. He has refused to give me any of ths info as we aren't married. I know this is the case but cant beleive he is viewing our relationship in this way as we lived like a married couple for 11 years. I have had no oportunity to save money, buy shares or pay into a pension as I have been at home looking after the children and not earning!

fastdaytears Fri 30-Oct-15 22:45:15

It's all negotiation but people do get a delayed sale until 18. The fact that his solicitor already offered 5 years is a good sign.
He wouldn't be responsible for the mortgage though while he's not living there so you'd have to be really sure it wouldn't be too much of a stretch for you to pay it all yourself. Have you worked out how much maintenance you will be getting for the DC? Hopefully that will help a bit.
Unfortunately not being married isn't helpful as far as the rest of his assets go. Morally you're 100% right but that won't get you very far if he doesn't want to share the info.

Perfectmummy1234 Fri 30-Oct-15 22:49:04

thanks fo rthe info. Does the equity still continue to go up for him then if only I'm paying the mortgage?

FeelsLikeHome123 Fri 30-Oct-15 22:52:31

Presumably he is your children's father so he should provide towards their upbringing until they are 18 irregardless of the fact that you were not married.

Perfectmummy1234 Fri 30-Oct-15 23:05:12

yes he is their father. he hates the fact i maybe able to stay in the house. Anyone would think it was me that got caught out being a cheating dirty arse! No guilt, remorse . nothing . Just being as mean and tight as he possiblity can to sort out a settlement

Morganly Fri 30-Oct-15 23:07:05

Yes, he must care where his children are living, surely? But, he is right, you have no entitlement to his pension, shares or savings because you didn't marry. Sorry, but that's the brutal truth. All you can expect is maintenance and whatever you can negotiate re the house.

FeelsLikeHome123 Fri 30-Oct-15 23:12:00

You know the ads about releasing equity from a house now, would a scheme like that work until dc are 18?

Morganly Fri 30-Oct-15 23:12:42

Also, the more nights he has the children, the less maintenance you'll get. Also, try and negotiate up from the CSA minimum.

FeelsLikeHome123 Fri 30-Oct-15 23:14:04

You could try calling his bluff about the dc having to live with him full time because you can't afford rent

Perfectmummy1234 Fri 30-Oct-15 23:25:05

he will have them 1 night in 14! His job is also unpredictable. He is going away for 2 1/2 weeks from Mon - I only found out 3 weeks ago! he has also stated he will try to pay over the CSA min but porb. wont be able to !
Have no idea about equity release . I icant afford any other payments above the mortgage

goddessofsmallthings Sat 31-Oct-15 04:15:22

As far as I'm aware, you can't realise or release equity in a mortgaged property.

If you've had periods of not being able to work because you've been the sahp and are only able to work 20hrs per week because you're the primary carer and will need to continue providing a home for the dc, I would suggest you endeavour to negotiate a split of the current equity along the lines of what would be reasonable if you were married.

Approximately how much equity could be realised if the property was sold now and are you confident that the mortgagee(s) would consent to you becoming the sole mortgage holder if his name is removed, or would you need to remortgage/seek another mortagee? Did you pay a substantial amount of the deposit (if any) and would you be able to buy him out now if the split was 70/30?

If he continues to pay his share of the mortage repayments he will of course be entitled to his share of the equity when the house is sold but if, for example, you are proposing to pay all of the mortgage repayments for the next 5 or more years it will be necessary peg his share of the equity (with a rate of interest to be agreed) to the sum he could expect to realise on the date you take over the payments.

If his solicitor is offering 5 years and you are confident that you could get ahead in that time and buy him out as per the above paragraph, this may be the best way forward for all concerned but, needless to say, any such agreement should be watertight and fire/bombproof and should take into account unforeseen/unlikely eventualities such as the death of one or both of the parties to it. To my mind it would be preferable to have a clean break, as it were, now.

There's a lot to be considered and it's not possible to give detailed advice without knowing all of the facts and figures. However, I would suggest that you talk to your solicitor about the possibility of applying on behalf of the dc for a share of the property under the Children Act 1989 as, if nothing else, this could be used by way of a bargaining chip.

What it with these men? From what you've said, if your name wasn't on the mortgage I reckon he'd have you out on the street or into some inferior rented accomodation without a second thought.

FeelsLikeHome123 Sun 01-Nov-15 17:04:37

I can't believe he expects to get away with seeing his dc 1 night every 14 and not to pay even minimum child support. Is he buying with ow or setting up a new life with someone else? Surely, if he is so busy and travelling so much with work, he is being well paid? He is obviously hiding assets somewhere, it doesn't add up.

fastdaytears Sun 01-Nov-15 17:11:01

He says he will try to pay over the minimum Child Mainteance, not that he won't be paying it.

FeelsLikeHome123 Sun 01-Nov-15 18:30:37

Fair enough about the maintenance but his children may be living in poverty and he'll be swanning around the world and he wants to limit settlement to 5 years. I don't know how he'll sleep at night. Let's hope Karma catches up with him or he grows a conscience

curiousc88t Tue 03-Nov-15 08:21:28

If not married I would expect that you would have to make a completely clean split

That would mean either selling the house
One of you buys the other out of the house

I believe you would not be entitled to any of his pension, savings or assets


Maintenance for the children is a seperate issue
He should maintain his children, he has no obligation to maintain you


There is no such thing as "common law" marriage

You are either married or not married

Suggest make appointment with Citizens advice & soliciter

BasinHaircut Tue 03-Nov-15 08:34:29

I really struggle to understand how anyone couldn't want to do the best for their children?

He should be leaving his share of the house in trust to his children and allowing them (and you, you know the person who will be raising them seeing as he will see them one day per fortnight) to continue to live there and not be any more unsettled than they clearly are from your seperation.

The bastard. Sorry, not a helpful post but this sort of thing really pisses me off!

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