Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

fled from abusive narc ex, court sorted contact. now he wants to know her nursery

(15 Posts)
Changeychanger Fri 30-Oct-15 19:22:24

Very narcissistic abusive ex now wants to know which nursery dd goes to. He's never been interested before, and we fled to start a new life. He will know where we live then, and it will start all over again. We have just got on our feet, dd is settled. He says it's his right. Is there any way I can refuse?

3littlefrogs Fri 30-Oct-15 19:24:47

If you don't tell him, is there anyone else who would?

Is contact court ordered?

Is the abuse recorded with the police/ social services?

You need to warn the nursery that you are effectively in hiding, fleeing abuse.

goddessofsmallthings Fri 30-Oct-15 19:26:20

How is your ex making contact with you? Phone, email, or some other means?

What contact was 'sorted' by the court and did it result in a childcare arrangements or other order?

waitingforcalpoltowork Fri 30-Oct-15 19:27:07

how is he contacting you? by phone? block the number if he doesn't know where you live he can't find you

TheBunnyOfDoom Fri 30-Oct-15 19:30:24

How is contact organised? I assume through a contact centre or family member? Do you speak to him at all?

Seeyounearertime Fri 30-Oct-15 19:32:57

I don't know about "the right" to know but I would refuse until you know. I assume you had a legal representation for any court proceedings? Could you call them and ask?

ponygirlcurtis Fri 30-Oct-15 21:15:44

Don't see how it's his right. It's something you pay for, nothing to do with you. (Once your DC goes to school I think he might have some rights but you'd need to look into that.) But nursery? He's at it.

ponygirlcurtis Fri 30-Oct-15 21:16:09

Nothing to do with him I mean. Doh.

Lweji Fri 30-Oct-15 21:19:40

My rule in relation to ex is that I do what's best to protect myself and my child.

Anything else and he's welcome to go to court.

What is the current situation? Is there any agreement? Court?

However, if you don't think it will harm your DD, I'd agree to supervised contact, with all safeguards (he arrives first and leaves a while after you), at a contact centre that he arranges.

PrincessHairyMclary Fri 30-Oct-15 21:32:29

He has no rights just parental responsibility which means you are jointly responsible for the below and a couple of other things:
Providing a home for the child
disciplining the child
choosing and providing for the child’s education
agreeing to the child’s medical treatment
naming the child and agreeing to any change of name
looking after the child’s property

Nursery as far as I know does not come into this as your DC is not of state education age. Regardless just don't reply, let him go to Court to get the information. If you get a letter from a solicitor you do not have to provide the information until it goes to court. He will probably ask for her Drs address next, which is what my ex did mid court proceedings. I wrote to my GP surgery explaining the situation, they said they would put a note on the file not to disclose our address but he was able to apply to see her medical records if he wanted (not sure how interesting vaccination records are).

RandomMess Fri 30-Oct-15 21:33:49

Very much depends on what the court awarded him in terms of contact, what Cafcass have said about him etc.

Homely1 Fri 30-Oct-15 21:44:50

What contact does he have and how is it conducted? Annoying how they can be uninterested then all of s sudden they have 'rights'. It's responsibility as Princess says X

Changeychanger Sat 31-Oct-15 12:17:47

Thanks for the replies- I have no direct contact, dd is picked up/ dropped off by a relative who also conveys messages. Contact is court ordered with myself as resident parent, fort nightly weekends. I've had to block his gfriend too as she's been texting awful things calling me mentally unstable and threatening to call ss. I am business like and calm in response. No mention of nursery in contact order. He wants more days now too but I couldn't cope, we have just got settled.
He doesn't know nursery and no one will tell him. We have a password there.

Changeychanger Sat 31-Oct-15 12:21:19

No childcare order. Abuse recorded by police/ Cafcass but never charged as no witnesses. However I had amazing counselling for PTSD .

Changeychanger Sat 31-Oct-15 12:24:13

Oh phew princess, thankyou. I knew that school was a different issue but not sure about nursery. I am hoping to homeschool in the future to minimise my contact with him.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: