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Should I send this message to ex or not? Please help!

(59 Posts)
Shouldknowbetter2015 Fri 30-Oct-15 17:02:48

I've written a few threads about how difficult I've found it to come to terms with end of relationship with exP. We weren't married, living together or had children. We were only together a couple of yrs but he's seriously got into my head & I just can't stop thinking about it all. I guess I'm still a little attached and a lot angry with him, but feel I've never had the chance to tell him how he made me feel at the end ( I'm pretty sure he was having some sort of breakdown, lots of verbal abuse & flouncing out of my house, only thinking about himself & all his problems etc. etc. you know the type...).

Anyway I saw him today & he was all nicely nicely but there was so much I wanted to say, obviously I couldn't as it wasn't appropriate in public! I've composed following text - I really want to send it, but know I probably shouldn't. I don't want him back, I just want acknowledgement of what he did to me.

"It's funny that I bumped into you today, I've been thinking about you a lot as it's two yrs ago this week that we got together. I still don't understand what happened & how you wanted me so much to start off with then treated me so appallingly at the end, when all I'd done was care for you & be there for you through your bad times. You probably don't even realise the damage you did to me & how you shattered my already low self esteem all over again. I know you think you are the only one with problems, but when you are thinking about how much (his ex wife's name) hurt you, please try to understand how much you hurt me & how I still feel almost 5 months on. I hope you find peace within yourself eventually"

What do you reckon?

NoArmaniNoPunani Fri 30-Oct-15 17:04:28

Do not send it.

You wrote it, which is cathartic, but DO NO SEND IT! No good can come of it. Sorry.

'Do not', not 'do no' smile

SkyFoCrumbo Fri 30-Oct-15 17:05:34

Nah. Dont do it. It won't make you feel better.

Either he'll ignore your text, or send a reply that pisses you off and just opens up the dialogue again. Its not worth it.

FannyFifer Fri 30-Oct-15 17:06:04

DO NOT SEND THE TEXT!

whitershadeofpale Fri 30-Oct-15 17:06:15

I think you should leave it. It's good to have written it down but I can only see that he'll think you're still hung up on him and having digs which could turn into a row.

BeautifulLiar Fri 30-Oct-15 17:06:30

Imagine if he doesn't reply...

ExasperatedAlmostAlways Fri 30-Oct-15 17:08:17

NO! Don't send it!! Delete it now. Write it on a piece of paper then rip or burn it.

cozietoesie Fri 30-Oct-15 17:09:08

Imagine if he does.......

Don't send it, Should.

AnnieKenney Fri 30-Oct-15 17:09:57

Don't send.

financialwizard Fri 30-Oct-15 17:10:07

No, do NOT send that message. No good will come of it.

ChampagneTastes Fri 30-Oct-15 17:10:47

Don't do it!

GloriaHotcakes Fri 30-Oct-15 17:10:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ILiveAtTheBeach Fri 30-Oct-15 17:11:14

Don't send it. Delete his number from your phone and if you have it written down anywhere, go over it thickly with a biro, so it can't be read. I say this because you might send something when you're drunk, that you bitterly regret.

ChilledAndPleasant Fri 30-Oct-15 17:13:28

yes, another don't do it from me.

sorry.

Whoknewitcouldbeso Fri 30-Oct-15 17:17:39

Agree, don't send it. You need to think about what your desired reply would be from sending that. Are you hoping for reconciliation? An apology? You are very likely to either receive no reply at all or a reply that pisses you off even more. The best revenge is to find happiness. Hopefully you were looking pretty good today, I assessed you swapped pleasantries. There is a chance he is at home now thinking what an idiot he was letting you go. If you send that text he will be absolutely convinced he did the right thing and probably also think you're a little unhinged.

Shouldknowbetter2015 Fri 30-Oct-15 17:18:17

Ah i knew you'd all talk sense into me! I will delete draft... You are all right. I just WISH with all my heart i could let it go & stop thinking about it all. I think its because i DIDN'T get the chance to tell him how he made me feel that I'm still brooding. I really appreciate your advice. And yes, i was thinking about how i would react if he didn't reply... I'd be even more upset. And if he did it def would be all about him... :|

Suddenlyseymour Fri 30-Oct-15 17:18:39

Another vote for not sending - it hands him such power, the general tone of it - he doesn't need to know he has shattered your self esteem, he might get a kick out of it. Nope.

Shouldknowbetter2015 Fri 30-Oct-15 17:21:55

Lol whoknew: i was looking as good as one could in a raincoat with hood up! Luckily I'd put a bit of lippy on smile. And yes, we just exchanged pleasantries. And his life is exactly as it was when i ended things 5 months ago. Mine is better, I'm starting a new job on Monday :P!

RoisinIwanttofightyourfather Fri 30-Oct-15 17:22:45

Don't send it.

Agree with writing it all out on part. Every poisonous detail. All the hurt you feel. Everything. Then burn it.

(You might want to compose a chant whilst it burns)

RoisinIwanttofightyourfather Fri 30-Oct-15 17:23:54

On paper. Feck you, Autocorrect

hesterton Fri 30-Oct-15 17:27:13

Well done for deleting.

What would youike him to have done if you had sent the text? What do you want him to feel? Why? What would the real reason have been? What would have been achieved which could in any way have made a difference to you? Ask yourself those questions if tempted again !

Fairylea Fri 30-Oct-15 17:27:39

No don't send it.

Supermanspants Fri 30-Oct-15 17:31:20

He doesn't give a shit about how you feel. This message will achieve nothing but more angst on your part as I imagine part of you wants him to respond so if he doesn't you will struggle even more. Accept it wasn't to be and move on. You are placing way too much importance on this man and and telling him how he made you feel.

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