needing someone to listen to me :( (it's a long one)

[littlecharmer2016]

Hi ladies, I know I'm just being stupid but I need to let it out

my DP has just got a new job and has to do 12 weeks of training before he acctually starts his shifts.
now ever since he started his training 4 weeks ago, he keeps coming home constantly talking about this one particular girl on his course.
she's got a fancy car, her own house, goes on holiday all the time and plays football (they also support the same team)
they are constantly texting each other and they have loads of private jokes between themselves that he will come home and be like "oh my god she said the funniest thing today, haven't laughed like that in ages"
"she asked me what I was doing at the weekend, I said oh nothing much - then she said she had football on Sunday, not to watch it... to PLAY football, don't you think that's proper cool, she acctually plays for a team!"
"oh she was on about that make-up you like today, she said this she said that" **
"her full name is XYZ but it's shortened to XY don't you think that's strange? I've never heard it before" without naming her actual name, it's as common as shortening David to Dave




then I'm sat there, like... thank you DP your new friend does sound absolutely the coolest human being on this planet due to her make-up, her car, her house, her amazing football career but can we please tone it down because unfortunately your with me, a stay at home mother, who dosent drive, dosent have any interest in the football, and no I can't afford fancy make-up...


I know it seems petty but I suffer from depression and anxiety and I have extremely low self esteem as it is without DP coming home going on about this other female and her amazing life.

I've told him he goes on about her loads and he always replies with "why you so paranoid? we are only mates"

it's really getting me down :(

[littlecharmer2016]

no idea why half of that was in bold

[AliceInUnderpants]

Does he talk animatedly about his male mates/co-workers?

[StealthPolarBear]

He's being thoughtless.
What would you like to do with your life? You need to do it a d he needs to help make it happen

[littlecharmer2016]

no Alice there is only one other male on the course, and they don't have much in common...

[littlecharmer2016]

stealth he is helping me with getting into college because I want to be a teacher

but it's a long way away yet, I just feel like I'm not good enough :(

[StealthPolarBear]

Well that's a good start. :)

[RandomMess]

It sounds like he does have a bit of a crush on her.

Have you asked him to think about how he would feel if you came home spouting about how wonderful some man who was younger/fit/sparky - (insert his insecurities) than him how he would feel?

[littlecharmer2016]

thank you stealth :)

random could it just be a "this is what you could have" situation with her?

like.. he could have the girl with everything rather than being stuck with the girl who has a child (not his child might I add) and no job/car ect? or am I overthinking it?

[RandomMess]

I think it's all far more subconscious than that.

He likes her as a mate, and is attracted to her - who she is etc. and yes it's far more exciting than ANY long term relationship.

You do need to talk to him properly about how he seems so dazzled by her and how that makes you feel sh*t and that he'd rather be with someone like her...

Sorry

[StealthPolarBear]

If its not his child then pneuma ly you were a mother when you met him. If he isn't happy he needs to tell you.

[littlecharmer2016]

thanks random he's coming home at half 4 I'll talk to him about it then

&I yes stealth I was a mother before I met him

thanks for all the advice everyone

I'm gonna delete this thread because he goes on MN on my phone when he's bored

hopefully everything will be fine


thanks again everyone

[AyeAmarok]

If he goes on MN on your phone then he should know this behaviour is often how affairs start, so he should know better.

[Madratlady]

Been there recently, my husband has never given me reason to distrust him, however 3 months into his new job, during which time he's talked a lot about a female colleague, he sat me down and told me he had feelings for her. The next day he told me he was in love with her, although he claims nothing physical has happened between them, and said a lot of things that made me feel like shit and basically implied I was the unreasonable one for not being OK with him staying with me and seeing her on the side. He decided he would rather work things out with me and said he'd delete her number and keep contact to strictly professional discussion at work. He hasn't deleted her number and they still take lunch breaks together. I'm still here because I'm 37 weeks pregnant and have a toddler who adores his dad and needs stability right now. We moved 100 miles from my friends and family for his job. Hopefully things will work out somehow but right now I'm not sure how as he's repeatedly dismissed my feelings.

Sorry I know that's discouraging, but you need to talk to him asap and deal with it.

[f1fan2015]

I was the woman that a co worker talked about to his wife all the time. Enough so that she thought we were having an affair. We were not, there was absolutely nothing going on other than he was training me to take over part of his job so we were spending a lot of time together at work. There was no emotional affair either. We talked about work and the things work colleagues talk about.

It can be perfectly innocent.