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Why won't he meet up with me?

(36 Posts)
Chaime Thu 29-Oct-15 20:11:36

Note: I know for a fact he isn't married. He definitely isn't married. I also doubt he's in a relationship, due to the nature and timing of our communication.

I've had an online flirtation with a guy for the last few weeks. He made frequent references to wanting us to meet up but as the distance between us is so great, I didn't think it was a serious possibility until a couple of weeks ago, and now I'm in his area visiting a friend.

Now although the messages have continued...and he keeps constantly complimenting me and saying how he wants to see me so's excuse after excuse as to why he can't actually meet with me! Most of these centre around work.

It's so bizarre. He said we will meet 'eventually' and I've got to trust him and he'll make it up to me I have two days left here and he still hasn't changed any plans to make an effort and see me. My friend is calling him a douchebag lol. Is my friend right?

Seeyounearertime Thu 29-Oct-15 20:13:23

My first gut feeling is 'Catfish' but I don't have enough info or background to say for sure.

VoyageOfDad Thu 29-Oct-15 20:13:47

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NoArmaniNoPunani Thu 29-Oct-15 20:15:35

Your friend is right.

ImperialBlether Thu 29-Oct-15 20:18:08

Is there any point anyway if you would only rarely be able to see him?

Chaime Thu 29-Oct-15 20:19:33

Well we've skyped a lot so I'm pretty happy he is who he says he is. He knows I'm not after a serious relationship straighyaway so it shouldn't be a commitment phobic problem.

All I can think of is that he's pretty young, he hasn't had many girlfriends before and is maybe really immature and freaking out at the thought of something which has got quite comfortable online translating to something much more complex offline?

pictish Thu 29-Oct-15 20:25:44

Who cares what's behind it? He had a chance to meet you but didn't, so I don't see any point continuing contact. He's either hiding something or stringing you along for fun.

I don't quite think you can claim to know for a fact he isn't married or in relationship. You have never met.

pictish Thu 29-Oct-15 20:30:20

Skype schmipe btw. Liars use skype too.
Bottom line is...he's a no show. Next!

Supermanspants Thu 29-Oct-15 20:52:15

I think there are number of people who use OLD sites purely for attention. I had a very similar situation as you only it went on for months and months. I even dated others while he dithered. It was ridiculous.
Cut him loose

cozietoesie Thu 29-Oct-15 20:55:15

I htink pictish had it.

...Who cares what's behind it? He had a chance to meet you but didn't...

in particular.

Move on.

cozietoesie Thu 29-Oct-15 20:55:41


HustleRussell Thu 29-Oct-15 21:11:21

He probably has a small cock and/or knows he is shit in bed. Or he has a crap personality. He wants to know he can get the girl but doesn't want the reality to be disappointing in comparison to the fantasy.

CuteAsaF0x Thu 29-Oct-15 22:18:26

So you travelled to his location and he still won't meet up?! It'll never be easier than it is now! You haven't ''got to'' anything, never mind trust him and have faith that he'll change his mind. What you've got to do is read between the lines and move on.

Either he's a total coward, or he stinks, or he has a wooden leg

Handywoman Thu 29-Oct-15 22:29:36

Your friend is right!!!! talk is cheap! Move on!

dangerrabbit Fri 30-Oct-15 08:47:41


category12 Fri 30-Oct-15 09:45:07

I think it's important to meet fairly quickly in online dating, otherwise you can end up heavily invested only to find they're time wasters or there's no chemistry in real life.

This guy.... bin him off. Long distance is hard, and to waste this opportunity to meet is stupid. So stop investing your energy in this. It's not real.

Chaime Fri 30-Oct-15 12:36:35

He keeps texting me with places I should go to this weekend with no mention of actually going along with me in person. He's such a weird one. I won't reply :/

TendonQueen Fri 30-Oct-15 12:40:25

If he can't spare you half an hour over a weekend to meet for a coffee, either he's really not that bothered, or there is some major issue he's keeping secret. Either way not a good bet even for a casual relationship. Just ignore all messages from now on.

AnchorDownDeepBreath Fri 30-Oct-15 12:46:09

He wanted a flirt, and he didn't expect you to be available to meet him at any point. Now that you are, it's thrown him off.

He's probably got someone on the scene - a potential girlfriend or someone he has feelings for - so he doesn't want to be seen out with you and risk damaging that. Or an actual girlfriend, but you seem pretty sure that's not the case.

Whatever the reasoning, he's not far from you, but he's not interested in seeing you. He's shown you what this will be - texting and flirting, but nothing more, he doesn't want to put any actual time or effort into this.

Now the ball's in your court.

Chaime Fri 30-Oct-15 13:01:25

Up until last week he was going into great detail about plans for us to meet. Now since work is 'really busy' there's nothing. If he doesn't see me tonight I'll just tell him I don't want any more contact with him in the future.

AnchorDownDeepBreath Fri 30-Oct-15 13:07:02

Unfortunately, it's easy to say that you'll do something and make plans - the difficult bit is actually getting off your arse and doing it. He's failed to do that, thus far.

I think your plan sounds good. He can put his money where his mouth is and meet you, or bog off. Either way, he had several chances to come and see you.

Jan45 Fri 30-Oct-15 14:04:00

Excuses = not interested, always go by someone's actions, words are cheap, especially online, and yes who cares what is behind it, fact is, he's not willing to meet you so stop being willing to communicate, listen to your friend.

Isetan Fri 30-Oct-15 14:30:25

Despite his talk, he doesn't want anything more than an online relationship. When the talk doesn't match the walk, it's to let it go.

Chaime Sat 31-Oct-15 18:13:42

Just an update. Thanks to everyone here I haven't msged him as I've been rather busy entertaining another guy I was introduced to last night! He is much nicer. Next indeed grin

Walkacrossthesand Sat 31-Oct-15 18:27:22

Aha, that's great - so elusive 'want to chat & make lots of promises but not actually available' guy will expect to pick up where you left off with the pointless messaging & shyping when you're safely far away again, and you'll tell him to get stuffed! Result!

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