Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Friend cuts me off with no reason every so often, don't think I can pick up where we left off this time

(16 Posts)
TessaLation Thu 29-Oct-15 15:28:41

Been friends with Jenny (not her real name obviously) for 4 years. She lives opposite me and our children are at school together but all different years and don't hang round together. She is a bit of a social climber/friend collector and moves from group of friends to group of friends depending on who suits her needs.

After we had been friends for about a year, she initially cut me off for seemingly no reason, whilst still being friendly and happy with mutual friends. It was as if she had to avoid me at all costs; she'd walk past me if she saw me and look like a rabbit caught in the headlights, if I saw her outside her house she would scurry back inside. She ignored texts and messages, ignored everything of mine on Facebook, and when I asked her if I'd done anything to upset her (in person) she said no. But it was obvious she had a bee in her bonnet about something, and in the end I left it and ignored her back.

After a few months she suddenly started texting me and talking to me again and basically overnight wanted to be friends again like we had been. I gave her the benefit of the doubt and became friends with her and all was fine.

Until 6 months or so later, when she did it again. And then a few months after that wanted to be friends again.

And it has happened another few times which takes us to now, which is another period when she is ignoring me! This period of ignoring started mid September when I went off on holiday, and it seemed that as soon as I went her blanking me started. It has continued since I got home. She is active on FB and out and about with others, and seems all chirpy when I see her with others, so I know it must be me that is being targeted rather than a general thing.

This time I don't think I have the inclination to let her become friends with me again. I know it's best to just be cool but polite with her, not chat with her etc, ignore her texts when she starts texting me again. But should I tell her why I'm not going to be friends with here anymore or just let actions speak louder than words? Am I going to cause more trouble than it's worth by cutting her off?

knickernicker Thu 29-Oct-15 15:39:54

I don't think there would be much mileage in letting her know how you feel.
Take a step back. Imagine the advice you'd give if a friend was doing this to your child.
Be polite and that's it. Focus on good reliable friends who make you feel good about yourself.

FinestGrundyTurkey Thu 29-Oct-15 15:53:16

if she does suddenly text you again reply "who is this?"

if she follows up, then ignore it

if you're ever in each other's company after that, smile vaguely at her

(I'm wondering if she does it to others in rotation. have you ever asked around the mutual friends?)

howtorebuild Thu 29-Oct-15 15:57:41

Just smile and have as little to do with her as possible, she has issues and is the type to take them out on others.

MatildaTheCat Thu 29-Oct-15 16:03:56

Smile vaguely and jog on. I don't get people like that but have met them.

OceanSounds123 Thu 29-Oct-15 16:11:26

I have wised up myself.Friends like that are not worth the effort.True mates will be there whatever happens.

springydaffs Thu 29-Oct-15 16:26:24

She's a nightmare. What a headfuck. Drop her for good. Don't bother talking to her, waste of breath - she could be spiteful and make things difficult for you socially. She certainly sounds the sort.

Be vague but totally noncommittal so you keep yourself sweet should group social events come up where you'll both be there. Brrr she's a headcase. Never let her anywhere near you again.

expatinscotland Thu 29-Oct-15 16:28:35

I would block this person on all ways to contact me and pretend she doesn't exist.

RiceCrispieTreats Thu 29-Oct-15 16:43:37

You two seem ill-suited: it sounds like you want regular steady interaction from friends, and she likes to flutter from person to person and focus on them for a while, but not constantly. Neither preference is wrong, but you're clearly taking it like a personal slight and it's making you feel bad, so just focus on people who provide the steadiness that puts you at ease.

FinestGrundyTurkey Thu 29-Oct-15 16:46:10

RiceCrispie, there's a difference between 'not focusing' & 'completely blanking'!

OP isn't looking for undivided attention, just consistency (& politeness maybe)

SecondMrsAshwell Thu 29-Oct-15 17:33:09

Do it to her. When she asks to make up, do it and then drop her. When she asks what was wrong, tell her.

Madeyemoodysmum Thu 29-Oct-15 18:08:11

Rice crispie. I think that approach is very rude. There a difference between blanking completely and saying hi But not activity socialising.

something2say Thu 29-Oct-15 18:44:34

I'd text her back when she starts again, but quietly just simply don't go back there. She is not to be relied upon. She will pick you up and put you down. It's rude. No need to have a scene tho, just let it cool.

I had a neigh our like this. Would just drop me, then want to pick back up, hurt terribly as I liked her. By the third time or som she came to my house having blanked me and asked me where I had been!!! She saw the shock on my face. I hadn't been anywhere, she had gone. Anyway it never went back to how it was, I didn't trust her. Your friend sounds the same. Life is easier without x

dudness Thu 29-Oct-15 18:47:38

I know someone like this, when she gets annoyed with someone she just avoids them instead of dealing with the situation and then once she's got over it she comes back as though nothing has happened, all to avoid confrontation (she doesn't tell you she's angry and then doesn't need to tell you she's no longer angry).

Alternatively it might be that you unknowingly trigger something in her, for example you might remind her of an estranged family member, and sometimes it's whatever she connects you with that is too difficult for her to deal with.

Personally I'd ask her what's going on, if she can't give you a satisfactory answer then drop her but at least give her a chance to explain herself.

IreallyKNOWiamright Thu 29-Oct-15 20:10:45

I had a friend like this. Was friends with you then if you didn't agree on something fall out. A slightly different situation but I just don't think those types of friends are worth our time in the end.

Squishyeyeballs Thu 29-Oct-15 23:38:58

I had s friend like this and it was all down to jealousy. She was always prone to flouncing but when I met my dh, she actually blanked me for over a year because he was nucer than her bf and treated me better. She only came back in the end because she realised that we weren't going to break up. Damage was done by then though so I just smiled vaguely and put her at arms length. We're facebook friends now but nothing more.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: