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Can't seem to find time for sex. What can we do?

(6 Posts)
Justbuildashed Thu 29-Oct-15 15:13:05

I've posted this here rather than 'Sex', as the problem isn't with actual sex per se, but when to find the time to do it; more of a fitting-it-in-around-family-life thing.

DP and I have a baby together and children each from previous relationships, the oldest of whom are at secondary school.

Baby (nearly eight months) is still very wakeful, and for the last two evenings, for the first time, has given me an evening (i.e. by not waking four or five times before I go to bed). So that's progress!

But then we had one of the older kids up until nearly 10pm last night, and the other was due home any time between 10pm and 11pm. Then while I was seeing that he got to bed OK, DP - knackered by that point - went to bed himself.

DP is really missing sex. I wasn't even thinking about it until recently (too tired!), but now would like to resume some semblance of a sex life.

The problem is, we just can't see how or when we can do it. Baby stirs all night (and most evenings). We're up with her any time from 6am, and the oldest kids are up of an evening pretty much until we go to bed.

Possibly naively, we just didn't foresee this problem. There's a reasonable age difference between us, and we don't want DP to be old and me menopausal before we can resume a regular, satisfying sex life! And as much as it would keep DP ticking over (although he wouldn't be that satisfied TBH), I don't want only quickies for the foreseeable. Quick squeezes and gropes here and there don't do it for me at all. But foreplay seems an impossibility.

What the heck can we do?!

pocketsaviour Thu 29-Oct-15 15:19:10

Are both of your older kids always at home with you or do they spend some time with their other parent? Could you schedule this to coincide and give you and dp some much needed "us time"?

Jan45 Thu 29-Oct-15 15:29:13

I'd rather a quickie than none at all, in your situation it will have to do until you get some peace in the night.

Justbuildashed Thu 29-Oct-15 15:38:13

Thanks for posts.

My eldest is here every evening. He sees his dad regularly, but doesn't stay overnight.

DP's kids are here every other weekend and one night a week. The kids' weekends with their other parents aren't in sync, and it works better this way TBH.

Baby takes all her naps on me. (Won't sleep for more than a few minutes if I put her down.)

So quickies it is! sad

LuluJakey1 Thu 29-Oct-15 15:49:42

What about setting the alarm and waking up early? Or middle of the night sex? You could just surprise him. Or lunchtimes if he could get home and the baby was asleep? Or could you leave the baby with your mum and have a weekend away together! or a night away?
We have a 10 month old but he is a good sleeper and we don't have anyone else to disturb us.

MatildaTheCat Thu 29-Oct-15 16:01:17

Sleep training? Your baby has some poor habits and they are fixable. Getting her to settle and sleep would go a long way. Agree that at this stage quickies are the best you can hope for. When you arrange find the older DC are out/away then you might be able to manage a more meaningful encounter. smile

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