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Do you still go on day trips and days out with the ex

(21 Posts)
Whatwouldyoudo1 Thu 29-Oct-15 14:56:29

Would you spend time with your ex if you had a partner, or they had one?
I don't mean parents evenings or a quick exchange of birthday presents at birthdays!
I mean a full on day out together With the children as a family almost? Would you be comfortable with it If it were your partner or would you happily oblige and go on the day out?

My sisters boyfriend is planning a big day out with his children next month and has invited his ex wife along for the day trip ? No birthdays or special occasions. I thought it was weird and not very heard of so thought I'd see what others thought before I express my concerns to her just incase they are unfounded.

ProbablyMe Thu 29-Oct-15 14:57:38

I wouldn't. I'd be fighting the urge to push my ex under a truck all day!

changeoflife Thu 29-Oct-15 15:01:23

My ex & I go on days out with the children. Not often but maybe a couple of times a year. I don't have a partner but if I did I'm afraid he'd have to accept this is how we choose to parent our children in the wake of our split. The children like doing things together so for a few hours, twice a year we put smiles on our faces and go out altogether.

I have no idea if my ex has a partner, I never ask!!

Rebecca2014 Thu 29-Oct-15 15:02:46

No way!

ProbablyMe Thu 29-Oct-15 15:04:55

My ex does have a partner but I'm not allowed to meet her. Guess she might discover that I'm not the devil incarnate as he has painted me if she did.

Blossomflowers Thu 29-Oct-15 15:05:26

Yep we are going to the Cinema with DS today and meal afterwards

PeppasNanna Thu 29-Oct-15 15:07:14

No. I nevet did with exh.
Why would you??

WavingNotDrowning Thu 29-Oct-15 15:07:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Anniegetyourgun Thu 29-Oct-15 15:15:29

Personally I would rather stick forks in my eyes than spend time in my ex's company, but not everyone is the same. I think it depends quite a lot on why they split. Some people make not only good co-parents but good friends; they just found the partner thing didn't work between them.

hellsbellsmelons Thu 29-Oct-15 15:25:00

Hell no!

But... is your sister going as well so it will be 3 adults and the kids?
That is weird!

sugar21 Thu 29-Oct-15 15:26:06

No the less I see of that bastard the better

Justbuildashed Thu 29-Oct-15 15:27:37

Yep. A few years ago, we took DS on a short holiday! Ex also comes to us to hang out with DS from time to time. He's eaten with us a few times too.

New DP is very laid back and sees how much it benefits DS so isn't bothered. I realise not everyone would feel this way though; ex's new partner doesn't handle the set-up so well.

If you'd told me ex and I would be able to co-parent like this years ago when we split, I'd never have believed it; I used to have to hand DS over via a relative, I couldn't stand the bloody sight of him. But there's a lot of water under the bridge now and it seems to work; DS thrives on it.

Justbuildashed Thu 29-Oct-15 15:32:49

Annie, I agree. New DP won't have his ex cross the threshold. Different history. My ex did a lot of things that hurt me in the lead-up to our split (multiple infidelity included). But outside of a relationship context, and day to day, he's an OK bloke; not actually nasty, IYSWIM. DP's ex on the other hand is a nasty piece of work - malicious, calculating, narcissistic, an out-to-get-you type. She didn't do the same obvious relationship-wrecking stuff as my ex, but day to day is much harder work to have around.

So definitely depends on the history of each relationship and subsequent split.

afromom Thu 29-Oct-15 15:34:02

I am currently on holiday with my DS and ex. DS has never met his dad's family as they live abroad. It's been fine, not my ideal choice of holiday but DS has had such a lovely time meeting his cousins, aunts and uncles I know it was worth it.

Both ex and I have new partners. Mine is amazing and has never questioned me spending time with ex and DS. It only happens 2/3 times a year and we are secure in our relationship. It's hard, but he knows that I am doing it for DS and that I have no feelings for ex at all.

Ex's new partner not so much, a few months ago she ripped all of his photos that had me and DS in as she is jealous that he still has contact with us (I think me more than DS). DS hasn't met her yet, as she lives abroad with ex and to be honest her jealous behaviour isn't making me rush to arrange a meeting. Ex doesn't seem in any hurry either though.

Whatwouldyoudo1 Thu 29-Oct-15 15:55:49

Thanks all.

I suppose now I'm going to throw the spanner in the works.
I wouldn't usually concern myself in her relationship as it's none of my business, what irks me is their relationship was the product of an affair( no details as not to sure what the ins and outs are! ) they've been "together" for about a year and it's just very odd to me that he is spending the day with the ex who he left !
But perhaps it might be the norm and I'll just heed my warnings.

marzipanmaggie Thu 29-Oct-15 19:08:14

I do it with my ex occasionally -- not whole days out but pub lunches, trips to the park/shops etc. I think as long as you have a reasonably cordial relationship and its clear to the child where the boundaries are (i.e. that you're not getting back together) its fine and probably good to have a show of togetherness from time to time.

Neither my ex nor I have new partners though -- I suspect its a different ballgame when you do. I don't think there's any hard and fast rules about it really....

Is your sister uncomfortable about it?

granny24 Thu 29-Oct-15 19:14:23

We went on holiday with the kids and his ex. I was OW. We will all be having an extended blended family lunch on Sun including ex and her partner. We all put kids first.Can be done. Ex and I get on well.

TooSassy Thu 29-Oct-15 19:39:49

To answer the direct question.

Yes OP, I have so far done two Sunday brunches with STBXH and DC's. They love it. I hope the divorce continues to be ok as it can be and we can continue this sort of relationship. It does make the children happy.

Now onto your second post.
Your sisters boyfriend (who was married and cheated on his ex wife with your sister and subsequently left his wife) is having a cosy outing with ex wife, your sister, himself and the DC's? Did I understand correctly?

If I did, I think he is an individual with a very odd perspective of what is acceptable. Because even if his ex never finds out, that really is quite a horribly twisted and hurtful thing to do to her. What a horrible person.

Whatwouldyoudo1 Thu 29-Oct-15 19:51:20

My sister isn't invite on the trip just him his ex and the two children.
I just thought it odd that's all but perhaps it isn't , although I don't condone my sisters actions with reguards to the affair I don't want to see her hurt and I don't know why but when she mentioned it I felt it was a bit odd, she was unsure if she should be bothered or not and as far as I'm aware the children have yet to be allowed to meet her, so she definitely wouldn't have been invited.

unicorn501 Thu 29-Oct-15 19:56:45

I have for birthdays, and occasionally at handover we might have a bite to eat all together. ExH has also, occasionally, stayed overnight here (on sofa bed obviously!) .

I went out with a bloke once who was on really good terms with his ex and her new DH, despite the fact their relationship had ended through an affair (with her now DH). He would go over there for dinner, dog sit when they were away, they did family days out with the DC. I found it odd but he was totally fine with it.

I say just leave them to it, in all honesty it's none of your business!

DisgraceToTheYChromosome Thu 29-Oct-15 23:17:13

DB and SIL (who is still family to the rest of us, lovely woman) do quite a bit of family stuff together, have joint meals etc. He patted her bum once absent mindedly, and then said "oops, sorry".

Civilised, now the crockery isn't being chucked about.

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