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Best friend's husband hit on me...

(104 Posts)
diamondsonthesoles Wed 28-Oct-15 18:16:01

...he is also really good friends with my husband.

I don't know what to do! He has misinterpreted my behaviour as flirtatious (I have been friendly!). My husband has no notion of anything. I hope my friend hasn't either. I have told him that nothing will ever happen but nor sure I'm being taken seriously...

Should I tell or just hope it blows over?

magoria Wed 28-Oct-15 18:20:37

I would tell your H.

By keeping it secret you have a secret with him.

You or he may act different around each other and that may raise suspicions.

Supermanspants Wed 28-Oct-15 18:21:27

Only tell if you are ready to say goodbye to your friendship

K1mberly Wed 28-Oct-15 18:22:10

What makes you think he has misinterpreted your behaviour ? What did you do ? What did he say to you ?

AnotherEmma Wed 28-Oct-15 18:22:26

Shit! I think you should definitely tell your DH. He deserves to know. You with have to cool off socialising with the guy and this will be easier if DH knows. Plus he would probably be hurt if he found out later and you hadn't told him.

Up to you if you tell your friend... Would you want her to tell you if it was the other way around? I think I would.

mix56 Wed 28-Oct-15 18:23:14

tell OH, & hope it blows over.....

tribpot Wed 28-Oct-15 18:23:59

Yes, why do you think he has misinterpreted your behaviour? Is that what he said to you in order to justify what he had done?

The intention was to make you feel partly guilty so you wouldn't immediately tell your husband. That is what you should do - you have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about and keeping his secret only makes it look like you do.

ivykaty44 Wed 28-Oct-15 18:24:38

I suppose he told you your friendly behaviour was flirtatious..?

Tell you dh, why would you want to be friends with a man like that and why would your dh?

WorzelsCornyBrows Wed 28-Oct-15 18:25:30

I would definitely tell DH, secrets like this can be misinterpreted if they come out later.

zzzzz Wed 28-Oct-15 18:26:54

Definitely tell dh.

God how annoying!

Supermanspants Wed 28-Oct-15 18:27:10

Surely if OP's DH knows then her friend will suss something is wrong when contact is cut with her DH.

What a crappy situation. What an absolute dickhead to behave like that.
I experienced something similar.

AnnaMarlowe Wed 28-Oct-15 18:30:40

Tell your DH immediately.

Stop seeing or communicating with this man. Take him off FB, block his number etc.

diamondsonthesoles Wed 28-Oct-15 18:33:19

Yes...I have been friendly he said I'd been flirting for months and we had a 'connection'. But he told me this after a night out where my husband had had to go home early. I stayed out (don't often as we have three young children - husband very happy for me to!) was about to get a taxi home, he said he'd escort me. I said it wasn't necessary...he did and groped me in the car. Just hideous!

Supermanspants Wed 28-Oct-15 18:35:17

Oh OP that is just awful.
He groped you? Yes..... tell your DH but as I said up thread be ready for this to possibly kill your friendship. Such a horrible situation. He took full advantage of you especially with your DH not being there.

diamondsonthesoles Wed 28-Oct-15 18:35:53

I don't want to lose my friend, but I think I will if I tell. And I don't want my DH to think I put myself in that position on purpose. Though we both have friends of both sexes without issue so maybe am over worrying...

Supermanspants Wed 28-Oct-15 18:36:06

Was he drunk?

Eminado Wed 28-Oct-15 18:36:31

Bleurgh what a dick!!!

Tell your husband immediately.

Shinyhappypeople9 Wed 28-Oct-15 18:38:38

I wouldn't tell. Your friendship will be over if you do as he will almost certainly turn it on you and deny. It's a shitty position he has put you in. If he makes any sort of move again I would have to tell then.

penguinplease Wed 28-Oct-15 18:38:48

Bring it up in front of your friend and your DH.
Say something along the lines of too many drinks and a clear misunderstanding that obviously won't happen again.
It will either kill the friendship or not but really your DH deserves to know and if it were my husband I would want my friend to be honest about it.

diamondsonthesoles Wed 28-Oct-15 18:39:02

He was drunk. So was I (again unusual...three small children). I just feel like crap but I behave with him like I behave with everyone which is just friendly and kind as far as I'm (and DH!) concerned. (I'm a bit younger). I feel like crap.

NettleTea Wed 28-Oct-15 18:39:09

I think the 'flirting for months' is just his way of trying to pass the blame for what he did onto you, or to guilt you into not saying anything.

I dont suppose you have spent alot of time alone with him, so others would no doubt be able to verify whether you have been flirtatious or not - your husband for one!

I suspect he is just trying to cover his back as he got rebuffed

NettleTea Wed 28-Oct-15 18:40:34

and stop you from saying anything. I think you DO need to tell your H because if you dont this slimy creep has something over you, and may try to use it against you in the future

diamondsonthesoles Wed 28-Oct-15 18:41:11

No, nearly the only time we have been alone is in the cab.

Supermanspants Wed 28-Oct-15 18:41:38

If he was drunk he may try and deny it ('I can't remember") or minimise it so be careful. He may say anything to wriggle his way out of this where your friend is concerned. Perhaps discuss with your DH all possible outcomes so you can be ready from them.

ivykaty44 Wed 28-Oct-15 18:42:44

Don't keep secrets from your dh, I would sacrifice any friendship of deception over a marriage

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