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Can I avoid mil a bit longer or not?!

(14 Posts)
Knitknatnottt Wed 28-Oct-15 16:57:45

Back story- been with oh years, he fell out with his dsis after a year of nastiness after our first baby was born, mil said she's stay out of it but has badgered us to apologise and make the first move with dsis.
When we got married recently mil was pretty horrible to me- shouting, saying awful things, refusing to speak to me on wedding day.
Since then I've avoided her as Ive just been too upset- she said to dh she wants to see me and apologise- I've said that as long as she's seen she was unreasonable she doesn't need to make a fuss I just want us to get back to normal.
I've said I'd see her this week- I really don't want to now- I'm heavily pregnant been in and out of hosp all week with high blood pressure but I know I should be here if I've said I would

Cleansheetsandbedding Wed 28-Oct-15 17:02:10

It depends, I think shT she did at your wedding is appalling BUT if you think she is genuinely sorry and you can get past it - meet her and put it behind you.

If you think this is just her smoothing the way before baby comes and suspect more shitty behaviour aftetwards - don't go. Your mental health and physical health come before anybody.

You are an adult. You get to choose who you speak to

Good luck on your new baby flowers

Cleansheetsandbedding Wed 28-Oct-15 17:05:55

*what

ImperialBlether Wed 28-Oct-15 17:15:59

She ruined your wedding day? That's really awful. The least she could've done was remain civil or not go. To turn up and shout at you is horrible.

And his sister doesn't sound much better, ruining the time just after your first child was born. Your MIL wanted your husband to apologise?

What is your MIL really like? Do you think she's really sorry and can't believe she behaved like that or do you think she just wants in on the new baby?

Either way, if you're not feeling well, you shouldn't see her.

Knitknatnottt Wed 28-Oct-15 17:20:14

Sorry to be clear she shouted in advance if the day when she found out sis would not be invited. On the day itself she didn't ruin it but she just didn't speak to me- like at all not congrats it anything.
I think she feels genuinely guilty for behaving like that and wants things to be ok before baby arrives. I want to be here for dh sake but just don't want to feel awkward when I already feel like shit.

Friendlystories Wed 28-Oct-15 17:27:18

This really does depend on whether you feel you want to continue any sort of relationship with her. If you do I would let her come but keep it short by saying you're not feeling well or have to go out somewhere, get it over with so its not adding to your stress. If you don't want her in your life at all you and DH need to sit down and work out what happens now with regard to whether he wants to continue seeing her and what you will do about contact with the baby/DC. If you are going to see her I think get it over with though, sometimes the thought of things like this is worse than actually doing them iyswim.

Knitknatnottt Wed 28-Oct-15 17:36:07

That's what I'm thinking Fern like ripping off a plaster!
I will be seeing her in very small doses but I don't think I'll ever make an effort like I used to but equally I don't want dh to feel stuck in the middle.

Cleansheetsandbedding Wed 28-Oct-15 22:24:12

He is only in the middle if he puts himself there. His mother was out of order - you havnt done anything wrong. Remember that if you start to feel guilty.

Only1scoop Wed 28-Oct-15 22:27:31

Did you recently post about this Op I remember your previous thread.

Only1scoop Wed 28-Oct-15 22:46:37

Didn't she come around to apologise but you weren't ready to hear it?

Knitknatnottt Thu 29-Oct-15 06:27:59

Scoop I have posted before- she spoke to dh and offered to apologise the day after but he said leave it until next day as I was at hosp - so then she withdrew apology and ignored me at wedding. Obviously since then she's said she asked dh how I would like my apology- written or verbal? I've said the intent is enough now I just wanted to know she felt sorry she didn't need to do anything else (I don't want any more drama now).

PuellaEstCornelia Thu 29-Oct-15 07:17:03

I'd go. Get it over with. Let her apologise, then just accept it without going over the ..you said...I said.. stuff, then she can't get into the self justification stuff. Tell her you haven't been well, and if she starts any shit, leave.
I don't think I'd want to be heavily pregnant with high blood pressure and worrrying about what the old bat is going to get up to next!

Viewofhedges Thu 29-Oct-15 16:11:41

Get it over and done with (and well done by the way) but set some ground rules:

- you meet on mutual territory. Get her to buy you coffee and cake at a cafe, don't have her round at your house. This is useful if you decide you've had enough and want to leave.
- make sure your husband knows where / when and ideally he picks you up.
- tell him in advance that you're not looking forward to it and may need his support afterwards or at the very least you will deserve a bloody medal
- visualise yourself on the moral high ground and don't let her kick you off it.
- when she apologises, be ready with what you want to say. "Thank you for apologising. I'm glad you have. You have really upset me in the past but I hope that we'll be able to improve our relationship now."

- and afterwards if it goes well, have DH thank her for her apology too and to underline the fact that it means a lot to him that she has acknowledged that she did not treat you well but has agreed to be more thoughtful in future (ie Mum you really do need to treat my wife with some respect)

If she actually apologises, and you can gracefully accept, and work out a way of moving forward, life will be better for you all, so good luck!

RunRabbitRunRabbit Thu 29-Oct-15 19:02:36

What's wrong with listening to her apology? confused

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