Gratitude and respect

[MollyPolly98]

Hi, I need some perspective please.

This year me and our three kids have moved to our home country for many reasons - one of them being if we leave this year then DH's not trapped for reasons of schools/exams etc in a job he hates. We're hoping he's able to extract himself soon (house to sell in a depressed market). We've been on holiday to visit DH and I thought we were having a fab time. We had lots of time alone and kids had lots of time with their friends but on the last night he took our eldest sons(15) gadget and eldest called him an arse not to his face but under his breath. Nothing was said as it was midnight and we all had to be up early to catch flight. I noticed they were off with each other at the airport (stunted cuddle) but thought they're both stubborn they'll get over it. Then we came home and I receive a barrage of messages from DH about basically how he's sick of being disrespected, how the kids should be grateful to him because he's working in a shit job to provide for them and how I don't stick up for him whilst the kids can do no wrong. He says they were only nice to him when they wanted money or need a lift.
I know this is a projection of how unhappy he is in general but he does have a point with teenagers. However, I do feel he doesn't make an effort to actually talk to them and when he does its to shout at them. Anyway, after the messages which mainly blame me for letting the kids disrespect him he now says he's not coming back here to live when they're still living in the house and he won't be back at Christmas. And he went on and on so I told him to stop messaging me and leave me alone. I get an anxious stomach and ended up in the loo for two days so I thought it was best for my health to not speak to him. He is right that I do find his way of parenting horrible at times. There's no happy medium so if he's pissed off he calls them stupid and roars at them and it's so over the top it's unacceptable. I shout too ... It's just I shout about what they've done, I don't attack them as people. In fact I lost it recently (I'm quite level with them normally although God help me they're hard work at times) and he thought it was funny to text them and ask if they wanted to come and live with him!!! So yesterday he put up a story on Facebook about kids disrespecting their father (wtf!) I don't know how to get passed this. It's hard enough being here on my own with three teens ,one hates it here, without this too. I'm so sick of being everyone's emotional punch bag. Any words of wisdom?

[MollyPolly98]

Apologies that's sooooo long!