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DP has a very high sex drive

(26 Posts)
MagicFinger Wed 28-Oct-15 08:35:26

DP and I have been together for 18 months.

At first we had a lot of sex, 2-3 times a day. Now it's slowed down to 1-2 times a day and even that I find exhausting.

He expects me to be fully engaged otherwise he gets upset and thinks he's doing something wrong.

He analyses our relationship based on our sex life and if we don't have sex for 2 days he gets very needy and grumpy and thinks it's the beginning of the end.

I'm really tired and to be honest feel a bit used sometimes.

expatinscotland Wed 28-Oct-15 08:39:13

Christ on a bike! Dump. This will not get better.

TendonQueen Wed 28-Oct-15 08:40:08

So you're now having to have sex you don't want to have. Not a good look out. Sorry to say this straight off the bat but if he can't cope with sex less than every other day then I don't think it will work out. It's just not that sustainable long term. Has this been the case in his previous relationships?

Fairylea Wed 28-Oct-15 08:40:34

Wow. He's very controlling !

Dump !!!

Jelly101 Wed 28-Oct-15 08:43:34

He analyses the relationship based on sex?

I agree, dump him. You shouldn't have to have sex every time he clicks his fingers because you feel like you need to please him.

Sometimes, he needs to understand that it's just not possible, especially if you're tired or not in the mood.

TinyDancer69 Wed 28-Oct-15 08:45:30

I agree this doesn't bode well. And whatever you do don't have children with this man! From experience men like this do not change and often become nasty/abusive if they are not the centre of your universe..run while you can!

expatinscotland Wed 28-Oct-15 08:47:24

You feel used because . . . you are being used. As a fuck toy. Get rid of this person.

Seeyounearertime Wed 28-Oct-15 08:59:58

I actually agree with other posters, LTB.
I say that because its evident he is emotionally blackmailing you into having sex that you don't want.
if we don't have sex for 2 days he gets very needy and grumpy
This is BS and behaviour that should never be condoned or allowed.
Tell him to get fucked.....

I have a higher sex drive than my GF, I think it's quite common tbh, it can be days or even weeks between DTD. But my reaction is literally,
"OK sugar" and that's it, there's no worry, no grumpy BS, no questioning, If she's not in the mood, she's not in the mood.

catsmother Wed 28-Oct-15 09:04:43

Was about to post along the lines of AF . He sees you as an object, not a person. That's all you need to know.

gatewalker Wed 28-Oct-15 09:19:14

He's responsible for his impulses, not you. And he's regressing when he doesn't get his way. That's a little boy you're dealing with, not a man. I'd leave.

Costacoffeeplease Wed 28-Oct-15 09:21:33

Yep, bin him

AtSea1979 Wed 28-Oct-15 09:26:34

You know what you need to do. What has stopped you leaving so far?

StillStayingClassySanDiego Wed 28-Oct-15 09:40:44

Bloody hell, sex twicw a day and he gets the arse when you're tired?

This won't get better and he'll become even more whiney and 'poor me'.

Imagine what it'd be like if you had a baby, who'd be more needy?

Sorry but I think this is a sign that he's a twat.

Isetan Wed 28-Oct-15 10:45:15

Where did you find the time to have sex several times a day! Him having a high sex drive isn't the problem, it's the manipulative means he employs to ensure that you keep putting out as frequently as he wants, that is. What about your needs? It appears you've been colluding with this man to ignore them and you're feeling like a fuck toy because that's how you let him treat you.

I bet his 'as long as I'm happy attitude' isn't restricted to the bedroom.

You should be your best advocate and if you aren't, then you opening yourself up to being treated like your opinions don't count.

MagicFinger Wed 28-Oct-15 10:46:46

We've had a talk and I explained sometimes I'm just tired and it's nothing personal.

he's suggested leaving it up to me to make the first move so he knows he's not making me feel pressured. He says he's sorry if its made me feel used or pressured.

TendonQueen Wed 28-Oct-15 10:51:05

OK, but that then also shifts responsibility to you to keep him happy by asking often enough. Better if he accepted maturely that sometimes you'll say no and he shouldn't whine about it.

Seeyounearertime Wed 28-Oct-15 10:57:53

Op, do a test, make no move for a week, see how his attitude is, se what happens. Then extend it, se how he reacts.

If he accepts it, cuddles you, and says nighty nighty then and has no oods then you're good, if he moans, goes quiet, grumps about, makes hints about "getting it elsewhere" etc. Lodge a stiletto heels right up his arse as you boot him from your life. smile

Hillfarmer Wed 28-Oct-15 11:01:38

Hi OP, I'm really not liking this guy - all my hackles are up. It was the 'he expects...' line that got me very allergic. That's all wrong. It just doesn't sound like a relationship, he's treating you more like a service e.g. garage or dry cleaners. Not nice at all.

PisforPeter Wed 28-Oct-15 11:02:06

Fucking hell, I wouldn't put up with that!! Leave OP

Annarose2014 Wed 28-Oct-15 11:34:01

Is his name Rupert Campbell-Black, by any chance??

Your poor vagina!

Whereyourtreasureis Wed 28-Oct-15 11:53:16

Does he want sex twice a day because he's really horny, or could it be because he's quite insecure, and sees sex as the best way of gauging how attractive he is to you? And needs constant 'reassurance'? Either way, it sounds very demanding!

Also, are you enjoying the sex? I mean every time, Is the sex fun and enjoyable for both of you not just him

Sex is brilliant, when both people want to have it. I mean this with all good intentions and not to sound crass, but there's a world of difference between two people having good sex together, and one person using your vagina for a wank.

Whereyourtreasureis Wed 28-Oct-15 11:54:55

I say that because you already say you feel used OP flowers

molyholy Wed 28-Oct-15 12:26:49

Bloody hell. That's hard going on you and you're poor poor vag.

He sulks and gets grumpy if you don't want sex.

Dump him!

regretsihaveafew Wed 28-Oct-15 12:44:10

Google 'trauma to cervix'.

redredblue Wed 28-Oct-15 13:13:15

Tell him it's about quality not quantity!
Those 20ish times you're having sex can't be very good.
And you would most likely be in pain, have brushing, possibly suffering from cystitis?
If you are then it is abusive of him to make you have sex like that.

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