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Settling for companionship

(5 Posts)
Tate15 Wed 28-Oct-15 00:13:06

Hi, sadly I've not been successful so far in finding a forever partner!

I'm 50 next year and have been single for a couple of years after a disastrous 7 year relationship ended when I caught him cheating with another woman and him conning me out of money and possessions.

I got over him very quickly but it has taken a few years to overcome the feelings of humiliation, anger at myself, anger at him and the woman, a burning desire for revenge and all the other emotional feelings at being so cruelly duped!

I have one child still at home (17 year old) and have dogs that are my life.

My finances have taken a nose dive and whilst I love my job I am on a low wage but the hours are great.

I don't particularly feel I need a man in my life but I do sometimes feel awkward in social situations at being single and the sympathetic looks at being 'alone' can be annoying! In fact, I wear a wedding ring just to let people assume that I am married!

However, I do worry about how I will manage in the future once my daughter has flown the nest! I will be honest, it is the financial worry that concerns me the most.

The failure of my last relationship really burnt me out and I just can't see me being passionate about anyone again. I am loving, kind and supportive in a relationship but do not want to be hurt again.

I've analysed my previous relationships, all three of them lasted seven years and all of them cheated on me! I accept that I have enabled some of their bad behaviour by being a bit of a doormat but I also think that I've been attracted to alpha men and had a foolish belief that if I was faithful, kind and loving, that I would be treated the same!

Would it be so wrong to settle for companionship with a man who might not be dashing and terribly attractive, but one who offers kindness, mutual interests and is caring?

I've had a life full of drama with good looking men who quite frankly have been cads and bounders!

Has anyone else contemplated this or is in a relationship where the passion and sexual desire is a small part of the relationship or simply not considered at all?

Thank you for any replies.

MadeMan Wed 28-Oct-15 00:17:09

"In fact, I wear a wedding ring just to let people assume that I am married!"

Well that's not a great idea if you're looking for a partner. smile

Tate15 Wed 28-Oct-15 00:24:38

Ha ha

I am moving house at the moment and don't intend to start actively seeking a partner until next year and will be taking the ring off then!

PitilessYank Wed 28-Oct-15 00:33:52

Ah, but you can have both passion and compassion in the same relationship!

If you find yourself solely attracted to men who mistreat you, get to the root of that first. Then you may find kind men just as sexy as the cads?

magiccatlitter Wed 28-Oct-15 13:43:29

I'm just slightly older than you and my kids are grown but I'm wondering a similar thing. I found this book called It's only too late if you don't start now by barbara sher and it may be helpful to you.

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