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Feeling overwhelmed by decisions and unknowns

(2 Posts)
Bewarethequietboy Tue 27-Oct-15 23:24:05

This is quite long and complicated so I will try to summarise it briefly.

I've been with DP for 13 years. We have 2 dc ds(4.5) and dd (2.5) and I'm expecting again and due next year. We used to live overseas, but moved back nearly 2 years ago, we had gone with dp's job and were away for nearly 6 years. I worked a bit for the first year but also studied while we were away before having the dcs, so I haven't worked for about 7 years.

When we came back DP started his own business, which is going well and he's had 2 start up grants so far which have given him a small amount of salary for the last year or so and enabled him to break even with outgoing expenses.

Since coming back we have lived in a holiday cottage owned by dps mother which she rents to friends etc as she also lives locally. It was only supposed to be a temporary fix to give us a base to start from, but we're still here. It's fine, and rent free which is amazing, but also tiny (40 sqm ) and none of the furniture is ours or the pictures or anything, so I have to keep reminding the dcs not to climb on the chairs, or put craft pictures up etc. I find the house a bit depressing to be honest, very cottagey and quite gloomy and I am dreading another winter in there, but trying to change anything becomes a big debate as he feels like it's his mother's things and wanting to change anything suggests that we don't like her taste.

DP is really keen on the idea of building a house and we have progressed to finding some land and agreed a price for it and starting a planning application. I can see his point about building will give us loads more for our money than buying and we will get what we want from it. But it was not something I particularly saw myself doing, and now find myself really anxious about all the decisions we'll need to make and how to manage the project.

He is basically working all the time on either his business, or the house project. Although he does make an effort to get home in time for bed time for the kids. And I'm doing all the family stuff, which is fine but I'm exhausted by it by the end of the week

Somewhere in amongst all this we seem to have lost our way with communicating with each other, and making decisions as a team. I just end up crippled by indecision and with no confidence in my own ideas, which he understandably gets frustrated by and so is making decisions for us. I think because he makes decisions all day about work he has a lot of confidence in his own ideas whereas I can be argued out of my view point really easily. I tend to just clam up if I'm challenged on things and give in to whatever the other person says.

So basically I'm asking if anyone has any advice on how we can try to find a way to make decisions about some of this stuff , and to get some of the fun back into our life as it's all feeling very serious at the moment. Also how I can get more confidence in myself and back myself a bit more in my ideas.

Thanks for reading all this, and any ideas will be very gratefully received

antimatter Tue 27-Oct-15 23:44:15

Building up his business and taking up management of building family home is a massive stress. He may feel he is trying to protect you from headaches theu give.

Does he realise that you feel you are being pushed aside and you want to have say in planning of your home?

Can someone have you kids for few hours every week so you can spend some time as a couple?

Do you have time to talk at all to each other uninterrupted every day?

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