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Has anyone ended up with a close friend?

(25 Posts)
ProfessorPickles Tue 27-Oct-15 22:40:01

I don't want to discuss this with anyone in RL so I've come to MN! Just looking to talk it through, I've been friends with someone for roughly 8-9 years since we were teenagers and we've become even closer over the past couple of years.
We get on extremely well and feel we get eachother where most other people we know really don't seem to.

I've had several relationships since we became friends and he has been the only male friend that hasn't disappeared when I have had a boyfriend and reappeared when I'm single again like others have. I feel this shows he genuinely values my company and me as a person and not just someone to try sleep with. This means a lot to me!

He recently made a joke about us going on a date and we ended up seriously discussing how we felt we might be together because we understand eachother and are similar. Because we have been friends for so long we know eachother very well and have trust which is something I've never had in a relationship.

We are considering going on a few dates to see if anything happens!

We both feel that we would make a good couple and could be happy together but there isn't currently a spark. I wonder if this is just as we have viewed eachother as friends for so long? I do find him attractive though.
All my past relationships have started with a spark and lust and then a relationship has been built (or not!). This is the opposite way round because we already have the friendship/relationship as we definitely care for and value eachother highly but physically we aren't ready for ripping each other's clothes off.

If you are with someone who started off as a close friend, how did you move from that to a relationship? Was there lust to begin with or did it develop later?

Has anyone done this and found it to be completely different to when you were friends?

Fontella Tue 27-Oct-15 22:47:09

Yep I did and it was the worst thing I ever did.

The relationship didn't work and I lost a bloody good friend in the process.

We made much better friends than we ever did lovers, but once the line was crossed it was impossible to go back to what we were before.

springydaffs Tue 27-Oct-15 22:49:26

In my book that is the PERFECT way to start a relationship! My ideal!

You have history, you know you can trust one another, you have an established friendship going back a long way.

Lucky you!

SueGeneris Tue 27-Oct-15 22:55:03

DH and I were friends for 4/5 years before we got together. I did fancy him hugely all that time but had assumed he was out of my league. We both had other boyfriends/girlfriends during that time. Getting together with him was like a dream come true.

We don't have the smoothest relationship but we've been together now for over 14 years, have three DC and I still feel incredibly lucky to have him and will never forget how magical it felt when our friendship turned into something more.

ProfessorPickles Tue 27-Oct-15 22:55:54

I do worry that will happen to us Fontella, were you really close before you got together aswell? I'm sorry that you lost a friend!

Springydaffs - that's what I keep thinking, how lucky would I be to get an opportunity to enter a relationship where I already feel I can be myself, be open and trust him to be himself too! I just hope we get the spark/romantic feelings.

DifferentCats Tue 27-Oct-15 22:59:21

Yes, I got into a relationship with a very old friend. I don't know what happened. It just came out of nowhere and I suddenly realised I fancied him like mad. It made things awkward at first, but then very exciting.

It's a bit odd sometimes chatting about things that we both remember from when we were teenagers. But it's great having so many things to talk about and reminiscence over, both before and after the relationship started.

I say go for it. It might surprise you!

Iflyaway Tue 27-Oct-15 23:01:00

I'm with Fontella here....

If there is no spark, why cross that line over from friendship?

Why put sex into the mix when you seem to be happy just hanging out together. Friendships like that are precious.

I am in a relationship that was a friendship for 2 years. But the spark was there from when we met.

BathshebaDarkstone Tue 27-Oct-15 23:02:04

Reader, I married him! It took 5 years, we've been together for 6, married for 5 and have a gorgeous 4 year old DS.

TheMarxistMinx Tue 27-Oct-15 23:02:59

Why go on dates? What is it about calling your usual shared time a date that ignite a spark?

Far better to just kiss each other...there will either be a spark or there won't.

Oxfordgirl2 Tue 27-Oct-15 23:03:34

Careful to ask yourself why you are considering this now. Are you perhaps feeling let down by other boyfriends and want the security of being with someone you trust? I have done this twice in my life- once I ruined a great friendship and secondly I married my good friend and ended up with a sexless passionless marriage. You need the spark!

ProfessorPickles Tue 27-Oct-15 23:12:05

We tend to spend time at my house when we see eachother so the idea behind 'dates' was to get out of our normal routine so we'd possibly see eachother in a different light.

I'm not sure why it is that we are considering this now! If I'm honest I'm happily single currently and I'm reluctant to give that up, I suppose that may be a good sign that this isn't about clinging to someone else after being let down.

I keep wondering if it was going to happen it would just happen a little more naturally than us having to try make it happen?
There have been times where we've gone out and I've been thinking about kissing him while we have been talking. So there's been a bit of a spark on and off, I just can't shake the feeling the spark might just be round the corner

ProfessorPickles Tue 27-Oct-15 23:13:04

Thank you for all of your replies so far, I appreciate being able to just talk it out and see it from different perspectives than my own

LadyCassandra Tue 27-Oct-15 23:45:14

I married mine too! We were friends for 4 years, probably fancied each other for a year, but I think we both knew that if we did get together it could be risky so we held off for a while.
There was always a spark though. And when we did get together we moved v quickly, living together within 2 months, engaged within a year and married shortly after. We've been together 14 years now!
I would be sure before you jump into anything, the date thing sounds good, because there's no going back from it.

Fontella Tue 27-Oct-15 23:57:40

I do worry that will happen to us Fontella, were you really close before you got together aswell? I'm sorry that you lost a friend!

Don't be put off by what happened to me. Every experience is different and I'm sure it works for some, but unfortunately not in my case

Long term male friend divorced with two kids the same ages as mine. His wife had really done a real number on him and he had been on his own 10 years, very wary, as I was I suppose after several shit relationships. I used to talk to him a lot about my ex and then the various blokes I dated after and he'd talk about his ex etc. and we'd have a real laugh together.

We were great mates - we'd do stuff with the kids originally, but then started socialising on our own. He'd come to mine, have dinner a few drinks and kip on the sofa or in one of the kids' beds if they were at my parents or at their dad's. I'd go to his, kip in one of his kids' rooms - not a hint of anything.

Then we went out to a concert together one night and had such a fantastic time, went for a meal afterwards and it was just so much fun and he was such great company. I started looking at him differently, saw how good he was with the kids, we had so much in common, liked the same music etc. and I kept wishing I fancied him, but I didn't. There was absolutely no spark whatsoever.

Then one night we got really pissed up at mine, started messing about, then we were snogging and ended up in bed!! Next morning I was absolutely mortified and we both sort of brushed it off, and said it wouldn't change anything, but it did.

We went a few weeks' still as friends, but it was awkward somehow. So then we decided to give it a go as a couple and it was on and off for a few months but it was never right. We went on holiday but again it felt forced and awkward and when we came back that was it, finished for good and the friendship with it.

It's one of my big regrets in life because he was such a good friend and I blew it. We blew it.

Joysmum Tue 27-Oct-15 23:59:04

I certainly never fancied my friend. We'd been best friends for about 5 years and then I moved away for a temporary contract. When I came back I spent every evening with him then he made a move and it was fantastic. I can't believe I'd never considered him in that way before.

We're 22 years in now and just as excited and in love as we ever were.

I'm glad he made the move as I never would have done.

ProfessorPickles Thu 29-Oct-15 20:24:42

It's lovely to hear that some of you have gone on to get married and are happy together smile

We are having a date tomorrow and dressing up nice, anything to make it feel less like us just chilling in our pjs watching films haha.

I had some good news today and messaged him to let him know, he sent me a lovely reply and I got butterflies so maybe there is a spark in there somewhere!

Hoppinggreen Thu 29-Oct-15 20:40:15

I met DH at uni, we were both with other people but hung around in the same friendship group. After uni we kept in touch sporadically by letter or the odd phone call until circumstances kind of threw us together and we met up. I hadn't seen him for about 2 years in the flesh so to speak and when I did I was a bit " love at second sight" and he admitted the same to me later.
We spent the weekend together and have been together ever since for about 20 years.

RomComPhooey Sat 31-Oct-15 00:23:50

Delurking to request an update on the date. How did it go?

DramaAlpaca Sat 31-Oct-15 00:27:25

Hope your date went well, OP.

DH was a close friend before we got together, and we've been a couple for 27 years now. It worked out really well for us.

RomComPhooey Sat 31-Oct-15 00:28:21

Same here.

ProfessorPickles Sun 01-Nov-15 09:25:49

Unfortunately I had to cancel after a really stressful day, I didn't feel up to it! So we have decided to go Thursday instead smile
I will post an update once we have been!

It's nice to hear how well things have turned out for other MNers after getting together with a friend!

Fratelli Sun 01-Nov-15 09:32:11

It can work out amazingly for some people.

Unfortunately it didn't for me. We were close friends for 10 years so we knew all each other's dating history. He messaged a couple of girls inappropriately so I ended it. He thought I was unreasonable to do so as "it isn't as bad as what your ex's have done to you". He then told our group of friends lies about me so I had to walk away from lifelong friendships. It was traumatic.

You never truly know anyone imo. Otoh if we hadn't have broken up I wouldn't have my new friends, amazing partner and beautiful baby boy smile

Branleuse Sun 01-Nov-15 09:36:14

has he ever had a partner whilst youve been friends?

ZenNudist Sun 01-Nov-15 09:42:22

I think you have to fancy each other and if you haven't felt that spark then it's not something you can manufacture by going in a "date".

Oysterbabe Sun 01-Nov-15 10:00:50

I got together with someone I'd been friends with for years. It was amazing at first but went wrong after about 3 years and I will never speak to him again, which is a shame.

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