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OLD analyse this..

(56 Posts)
tillytolly3 Mon 26-Oct-15 20:41:33

We've met 5 times (all pub dates) & never even made it to first base! He's attractive & I told him so. He said I'm attractive too. He certainly looked at me with affection in his eyes. He was a little touchy feely - would occasionally rub my thigh affectionately, ditto my back. Previously, we've only had a very chaste peck on the lips goodbye. Tonight I thought it's up-the-ante time or bust. So I leant in & gave him a soft but meaningful kiss on his cheek, I didn't pull away but did it a couple of times more, then I pulled back. And what d'you think? Nothing. Nothing at all. Not a heartbeat. He just looked at me & said 'I'm not ready' and 'I'm not sure when I will be ready'. 'I do genuinely like you...really like you, but I'm not ready yet.' If you add up our 5 dates, plus all the phone calls, txts & emails over the last couple of months, we've got to know each other reasonably well, but we can't even make it to first base? I can't carry on like this, he either wants me or he doesn't. So before I tell him I'm done, what d'you reckon?

TRexingInSportsDirect Mon 26-Oct-15 20:47:38

I'd make that call. If he isn't even nearly 'ready' for a peck on the lips or a personal, intimate conversation together, rather than just pub talk after 5 dates, move on, it's not going to happen.

redannie118 Mon 26-Oct-15 20:47:58

Yep walk away from this one,five dates and he doesnt know if he ever wants to kiss you???ddo you know his past relationship history?if this was me I would be thinking
A hes gay(or at least confused )
B hes just not that into you
either way he needs to fess up or you move on !!

pocketsaviour Mon 26-Oct-15 20:48:39

Yeah fuck that, life's too short.

AnyFucker Mon 26-Oct-15 20:50:11

Move on

Seeyounearertime Mon 26-Oct-15 20:51:25

Op, if it was the other way round and some man was trying tompush you quicker than you were comfortably with would you want them to call it off or would you allow them to pressure you into doing something before you were ready?

tillytolly3 Mon 26-Oct-15 20:58:26

Ok, would it make any difference if I confessed he told me he has 'ED' issues & doesn't want to get close until he can guarantee success? We've talked about it & I said there are a whole gambit of things you can do together. How about if we draw a line in the sand & say we won't go beyond that until you're happy? - Like kissing only with the strict understanding it won't go any further, but he wasn't even keen on that. sad

BeyonceRiRiMadonnna Mon 26-Oct-15 20:59:52

Going against the grain here, BUT I'd love to date someone who was interested in getting to know me without all that physical stuff clouding our judgement, that's just me!

MakStout Mon 26-Oct-15 21:00:48

Nah, fuck that. I've got better things to do like eat ice cream in my pjs than dick about with someone who doesn't fancy me enough to kiss me. Too much like hard work after only a few dates. Nope. Nope right outta there.

BeyonceRiRiMadonnna Mon 26-Oct-15 21:03:39

Oh he has an issue.....poor guy! I don't know if I would continue, but I think I'd take a chance with him and see what happens?

tillytolly3 Mon 26-Oct-15 21:04:36

Beyonce but I have got to know him, it's been a few months now & we've txt'd, emailed & chatted in all that time.

MakStout Mon 26-Oct-15 21:08:19

Theres not jumping into bed, then there's not even kissing. I don't want to fuck someone I barely know, but I do want to kiss. I broke off dating an amazing woman earlier this year because neither if us seemed to be going for a kiss and after 6ish dates it was becoming (for me) more about "will this ever happen?!" than about enjoying each others company. It became a real elephant in the room for me and I realised I couldn't be putting in that sort of angst over something so small but ultimately so important to it becoming a relationship

AnyFucker Mon 26-Oct-15 21:08:30

I wouldn't start a new relationship with a bloke who already has a problem with ED

It's not your job to nursemaid him though this. Especially since he sounds very much like he 1) isn't very interested in sorting it 2) is minimising how bad it actually is and 3) is not going to be a very straightforward nor enjoyable experience for you

Who needs this shit ?

HuckfromScandal Mon 26-Oct-15 21:09:47

yep, ed is not great, but your not asking to jump his bones.
By placing such a lot of emphasis on not even kissing you...
I'd walk.
Life is too short!

TurnipCake Mon 26-Oct-15 21:19:27

No use flogging a dead horse. Life's too short, I'd move on to the next.

TRexingInSportsDirect Mon 26-Oct-15 21:20:50

That doesn't sound like ED tbh, that sounds like some poor sod who's gay (or asexual) desperately trying to be straight. I mean, it might be true, but probably not and I wouldn't waste my time or heartache on it.

seeyounearertime no question I would want them to run for the hills, and leave me alone, and go and find someone else they were more compatible with.

Lweji Mon 26-Oct-15 21:21:41

Guarantee success? How can he?
Too much hassle.

AnyFucker Mon 26-Oct-15 21:24:18

what help is he actually getting to "guarantee success" ?

and what miracle cure is that then...if he patented that he would be a very rich man

what bollocks

you have a world of pain and arseache if you take this bloke on

tillytolly3 Mon 26-Oct-15 21:30:15

grin thank you then. His preferred way to tackle his 'issue' was drinking beetroot smoothies... hmm now don't laugh. I waited patiently to see if they had any effect.... & he said things might be improving, he wasn't sure... I just want a man to be a man, you lean in, they respond. Simples.

tillytolly3 Mon 26-Oct-15 21:31:31

Anyfucker - arseache grin This is why I love MN. Tell it like it is....

TurnipCake Mon 26-Oct-15 21:32:59

Well, the best piece of beetroot in the world isn't going to make him snog the face off you.

The pink wee is always fun however thlgrin

Seeyounearertime Mon 26-Oct-15 21:33:22


I'd actually think this isnt going to be an issue.... grin

Tbh, I'm still a bit taken aback by the responses here. I thought I was being gentlemanly when I took it slow with my GF, it took us almost a year of hanging out, dating, etc before we even considered kissing or sleeping together etc. It wasn't until we had both used the "L" word. smile

AnyFucker Mon 26-Oct-15 21:34:19

< hoot >

The only effect beetroot smoothies might have is to make him piss red.

I feel sorry for the bloke, but he is not your problem, seriously.

I can tell you are already starting to climb the walls. Give your arse a break and leave him to his crackpot "cures".

AnyFucker Mon 26-Oct-15 21:36:48

See , that sounds fine because it was what you both wanted I had to jump my H's bones the first time as the daft sod was being "gentlemanly"

There is obviously a whole suitcase of issues here. In a long and committed relationship where loyalty is owed, they can be worked on. For a new relationship...too much like hard work.

Trills Mon 26-Oct-15 21:37:38

He sounds way too difficult.

His problems are his problems, they don't have to be your problems.

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