Very infrequent poster here as, usually, nothing dramatic happens in my life. The last week has been horrendous.
HUGE back story to my mum, her history and our relationship. She has depression issues and I don't believe she has ever been happy. Two failed marriages (first where she left husband and her 18mo DD for my Dad after they had affair then my Dad had affair and left after 20yrs). She has been by herself for last 18 years. Drink was a problem 10-20 years ago as a coping mechanism for depression. There were a couple of suicide attempts and I went NC for a while as being around wasn't 'saving' her and just hurting me more.
She got sober just over 10 years ago and, whilst still a very tricky personality with a lot of issues, I thought she was doing really well. I respect her for turning her life around. DH and I have DS (5) and DD (3) and she has been a big help with childcare. I never had any concerns leaving them with her as she was 6yrs sober by then and I genuinely didn't think it would cross her mind.
She has recently moved home to the same town as us and had plans to volunteer at the school, reading etc. Last Thurs I got home from work (she looked after DD on a Thurs when DS at school. I pick him up and then come home) and knew straight away she wasn't right. She said she wasnt well and had to go home. Then I twigged she was drunk. Shock doesn't cover it. I asked if she had driven like 'this', she said "Yes". I said have you driven DD like this she said "Yes". Both DC's around so I had to think fast and not go loopy. I said I would drive her home but she left before I had DC shoes etc on.
When they were in bed I went to have it out with her which probably wasn't a good idea as she was talking shit most of the time. I now believe she started drinking last Tues and would have been drunk when she picked up DS from school and drove him last Weds. I have tried to understand why this has happened and, apparently, it's my fault and DD's fault. She doesn't like how much I shout at the children and she is embarrassed of DD's behaviour (very wilful 3yr old who I struggle to cope with but nothing out of the ordinary). She is fed up of being 'brave' by herself all the time. She refused to say sorry for driving them. Just said she felt 'sad' about it. She doesn't believe she has done anything wrong to them as they are too little to understand.
Anyway, I'm so angry right now that I don't give a shit the why's and where for's SHE DROVE MY CHILDREN WHEN DRUNK. I will never forgive her and she will never be left alone with them again. She will not be getting near them for a long time and certainly not if she continues to be drunk. This has brought back huge issues for me as she drove me drunk on a few occasions (school pickup) and I can still remember heading straight for a wall, don't know how we missed it. She will NEVER put my children through similar.
She also tried to give me parenting advice for DD and now I think FUCK YOU at least I keep my children safe and, oh, I didn't walk out on an 18month old and never see them again. I have never said that to her but REALLY want to at the moment. I know that won't help but a large part of me wants to hurt her for what she has done.
Haven't seen / spoken to her since Thurs night and don't really know where to go from here (if anywhere). Obviously I am safe guarding my children and have sorted nursery etc so I can do all drop offs / pick ups but what else can / should I do? There's still a part of me that wants to help her (not that I can stop her drinking. I know that and have spoken to Al-Anon in the past). The other, angrier part of me just wants to say FUCK OFF.
Any words of wisdom as I'm really struggling to process all of this.
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Relationships
My Mum drove my children whilst drunk
Mull · 26/10/2015 17:10
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