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Left EA-h. Now everything is worse

(10 Posts)
legstightshut Sun 25-Oct-15 19:39:51

NN change as I know he's stalking me on MN. After years of torment left him earlier this year (following a lot of MN support). I thought things would be better but they're not. He spread a lot of lies about me to friends and family, I realised too late and have now been ostracised.

I've tried to keep my head up, tried to be the bigger person and not rise to it. The result is unhappy DC, being dragged through the divorce (which is on my 'unreasonable' behaviour) and discovering he has successfully hidden most of the money and only a protracted legal battle will give me a chance of gaining any (which I can't afford and he knows it). He on the other hand has come out smelling of roses, with friends, money, new house and a new relationship (which DC are aware of) and talk of an engagement. He does whatever he likes with the DC and ignores me if I complain about his behaviour with them.

My confidence is shot to shit. Being the resident parent means little time to myself to pursue hobbies (and years of doing childcare while he went out on the piss has damaged that anyway). I thought things would be better with him gone but they're not, it's so much worse. Every day is a new struggle and I just can't see a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm doing CBT which is helping but not enough. Please help? sad

OP it sounds like you have been through a really difficult time, I am not surprised you are feeling low. It seems to me though that you are doing the best you can for yourself, and for your DC. I don't know what I can say to help but as you are away from the abuse and you continue to heal, things will get better. Wishing you strength flowers

arthriticfingers Sun 25-Oct-15 21:17:01

Really sorry your ex is putting you through this. Those of us who have left abusive relationships recognize your pain and despair.
It takes a long time to heal and at the beginning it feels like you are making no progress - but you are - believe me.
One thing that helped me was the advice often given here:
Fake it 'till you make it
Keep doing the right thing and things will come right - so much more so than if you had stayed.
Meantime post here for support and read the links at the top.

kittybiscuits Sun 25-Oct-15 21:27:26

So sorry for you. I know your pain. It's very early days. It's very traumatic dealing with shit, lies and all the fallout. This is a long game. Things have to get better before they get worse. You did the right thing and you will find your way through it x

RandomMess Sun 25-Oct-15 21:32:57

I wouldn't bother engaging with him at all, certainly not about his behaviour towards the dc or anything like that.

Hugs & flowers KOKO

legstightshut Sun 25-Oct-15 22:13:48

Thanks all. I was a regular there AF but became recognisable. I try not to engage as much as apossible Random but I see his actions affecting the DC and try to protect them. I may be wrong to do so but sitting idly by doesn't go with me either.

The worst part? I think it'll always be like this.

arthriticfingers Sun 25-Oct-15 22:17:20

It won't flowers

arthriticfingers Sun 25-Oct-15 22:19:14

ps not AF only one of her - wouldn't dream of trespassing grin

legstightshut Sun 25-Oct-15 22:46:31

Whoops sorry I got my wires tangled grin. Should know better by now! Sorry arth thanks

arthriticfingers Sun 25-Oct-15 22:56:36

No problem smile
Keep posting - I still go on the list to play FW bingo to remind myself that it is them, not us. Nothing you can do about your ex except disengage as far as it is possible for you to do so.
Slowly it gets better it really does.
Remember to keep a record, though, of anything you might need in court.
Post on the legal board for advice.
arth flowers

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