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Unsure about relationship

(2 Posts)
Greyhorses Sun 25-Oct-15 18:00:09

I was going to Namechange for this but didn't so i hope nobody manages to out me from this.

I am pregnant with very much wanted first baby. OH and I have been together over 10 years and lived together for 5. We both wanted this baby very much for many years.
We have always had a very good relationship, never much to argue about. No cheating that I know of.

I am currently upset and don't know if I am overreacting or what I should do. We have been arguing more and more over the past month, since I got pregnant really, and I have now got to the point where leaving has crossed my mind.
It started off bickering over things like housework but has progressed to him calling me names of we argue and last week he punched a hole in the wall in anger over a petty argument. He was very sorry and said it would never happen again, he has never hit me or been abusive before in 10 years. He said he was stressed with work and had a big meeting coming up and blamed that. He said in anger he wished I would have a miscarriage and the baby was a mistake but later was very sorry and said he didn't mean what he said. He has always been a calm man in the past and it took lots to get him mad, I would say in the first 5 years we argued a handful of times and never seriously.

Since I have gotten pregnant he has not helped me much, blaming work. He does come in late every night and leaves at 6am, I work shifts but start late or finish early. I am struggling with feeling vile, working full time and doing the lions share of the house work etc. He does help at weekends and cleans the house but not during the week at all. Some jobs he won't do at all for example walk the dog so I am left to be dragged around by 60kg of dog by myself with a bad back. I am also still doing cat litter etc as he leaves it disgusting.

This morning we had another argument over something silly involving damage a dog had done something of his and he was so furious he threatened to hit it, and I had to stand inbetween him and it and grab him to stop him. He didn't hurt it and calmed down and apologised but I was scared for a moment that he would actually hurt the dog and there would be nothing I could do. He has never hit an animal before but I genuinely thought he would have if I wasn't there to stop him and I felt scared for the first time ever around him. The dog was cowering in fear as he was shouting so much, I know it had been naughty but it wouldnt have known. I was shocked he could behave like this, he never had before.

I do love him and we get on well most of the time. He says he loves me and has never cheated. We have always had a good relationship and im not sure what's changed. I feel as though we are not on the same page and I don't know how to talk to him any more.
We have a huge mortgage, negative equity and have spent thousands on renovation. To sell would bankrupt both of us. Obviously I would be on maternity leave and unable to support a baby without his wages which is another factor to consider, not that money matters but I would literally be bankrupt without him. We have lots of other debt too, cars/loans etc. if I left I would be alone with a baby and nowhere to go.

Not sure what sort of advice I am asking for here, I am sure lots will say ltb but it's very difficult when we have been together so long and I did not want to be a single parent, I don't think I could cope. I don't have a lot of support elsewhere financially or otherwise to manage alone. It's such a big mess in my head and I'm not sure if its fixable or not. He has gone out tonight and I have asked him to stay at his parents instead while I think, i could leave but it would cause so much drama and upset and I don't know if this is enough to throw 10 good years away over?sad

ILiveAtTheBeach Sun 25-Oct-15 18:06:50

He sounds very stressed indeed. Sit him down for a proper talk. Tell him you are feeling scared of him (that will be a wake up call IMO).

Regards the comment that he wishes you'd miscarried - wow! I'm sorry, I just could never forgive that. It's vile and such a dark thing to say.

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