Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Intimacy issues - what to do..

(6 Posts)
Followyourart Sun 25-Oct-15 16:25:35

I've probably posted about this before but looking for another perspective .. Been with oh for 3 years and I moved in with him quite soon into the relationship, things were wonderful at first but I'm becoming increasingly frustrated with lack of sex/affection. It was never really amazing and I'm not sure I want amazing all the time, but we definitely had sex at least every other day. Now I'm Lucky if it's twice a week. I'm just so terrified of suggestions that we're incompatible. (Which people will probably suggest, and I suppose I need to accept the possibility) I honestly think it has been the living together element that has changed things. Things are routine and not "fun" anymore. Even nights out which always ended in sex, now don't. We struggle to communicate because he is happy to "get on with things" whereas I like to open up and explore feelings - it makes me feel reassured.
The thing that's bothering me the most is that I know he was into porn before he met me, and he stopped (as far as I know) for me. I've suggested we watch it together but we don't seem to "get around" to it - it's almost like I have to do all the work, he isn't forthcoming with anything. I'm wondering does he miss it? Now that isn't there to arouse him, then sex is finished?
I don't know what I'm trying to say.. It shouldn't be something that plays on my mind but my ex was a porn addict and I've tried to make him understand.. I don't want it to be the end but I don't know how to live with being frustrated and feeling like a freak all the time. I even feel guilty about sorting myself out while he isn't here!!
I should add that we met on a hook up site, and he knows that I have fantasies and want to experiment, but he's refused to share these things with me. Any advice on how to approach any of this with him? I don't want it to end in confrontation.
Thanks...

ILiveAtTheBeach Sun 25-Oct-15 18:02:32

Twice a week is a good amount of sex, IMO. It's certainly not worrying. There are posts on here by people who've not had sex with their DP for a year! I couldn't handle that.

Fratelli Sun 25-Oct-15 18:06:40

Frequency of sex usually decreases in relationships. Twice a week is a healthy amount. If you're unhappy speak up. If he doesn't want more sex you can either stay and accept it or leave.

Mousqueton Sun 25-Oct-15 18:07:40

Lucky if it's twice a week? grin

I going to assume you're quite young. That being the case, you don't seem ready for the "comfortable" stage yet and are still in "at it like rabbits" phase, whereas perhaps he's already slipped into "comfortable" now you're living together.

Maybe you simply need different things from a relationship right now - you need to talk about your needs to him and if they are really different you might want to consider whether it's worth sticking at...

CheeseCakeOfDreams Sun 25-Oct-15 18:12:06

Twice a week does not constitute a 'lack of sex.' Seems perfectly reasonable and normal in a LTR.

CheeseCakeOfDreams Sun 25-Oct-15 18:19:44

You also say that you're worried that as he's no longer being aroused by porn 'the sex is finished.' It's not finished though is it - you're doing it twice a week confused

If you have a higher sex drive it's fine to sort yourself out, but there has to be some compramise in a LTR.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now