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My parents divorce

(3 Posts)
Mikethenight2good Sun 25-Oct-15 10:38:27

My parents divorced this year after 30 years of marriage. It wasn't s good marriage with dad having many affairs during this time. It took mum along time to realise he was never going to change. Eventually she came to her senses, booted him out & the divorce was finalised this year.

I have always had a complicated relationship with my parents. Mum never told anyone about the affairs but confided in me as a child. From a young age I knew what was going on. Dad would then spend his time convincing me why he did what he did. I never felt I had a good childhood as I grew up fast. Plus mum had days where she couldn't cope & I looked after my siblings.

Roll on to my mid 30's & their divorce. I have a young family & hubby works away a lot. I made a massive mistake a few years ago and moved closer to my family as I needed help with the children as hubby isn't consistently around. I now feel stuck with my parents & can't get away.

Dad is a depressive & a few weeks ago admitted he tried to take his own life after splitting up with his girlfriend. Now he is happy as he has moved onto a new girl friend. So my daily dealings with him are a emotional roller coaster.

Mum is bitter about the years of hurt dad has caused (understandable). She rings daily slagging him off to me. I think she is hurt I never cut him off, like my siblings.

I hate my life at the moment. Hubby is not around so I work all week & have the kids on my own in the evenings & weekend & no emotional support at all. Parents help with wrap around care & love the kids but I feel it has been at the sacrifice of my own happiness.

I know I need to challenge back but I just don't have the strength. I am tired & wish I could escape.

When hubby is here I feel like it's all about him. The kids miss him. He needs a break. Blah blah bollocks. He worked last night & is complaining about the noise the kids are making so can I take them out. No, I am tired too! Right now I don't give a shit it they are running around trashing the house. I have no energy for any of it anymore.

antimatter Sun 25-Oct-15 10:49:34

I think you need to tell both your parents that you are too stressed and tired to be their confidant. You just don't have the energy to deal with other people's emotional ups and diwns.
They got used to you listening to them offloading their worries.
It may take time but you need to be strong for your own sake.

It is your mother's dault to put up with unfaithful dh. He is your father and she should never confide in you. Forcing her to change her behaviour may be very hard.

Youd dh needs to step up. How much time does he actually spend with his kids. He has to make sure ge's giving you few hours every weekend on yout own or you will crack and have some serious mental breakdown. How would he cope then?

Mikethenight2good Sun 25-Oct-15 12:01:19

He does do stuff when he can. Like this week is nights. He will do dinner bath & bed and our dinner too. But I am not doing anything with that time. I just sit there & play with the kids or some admin jobs which are easier without the kids.
I do resent him for having time to himself as there are days when the kids are at nursery & I am work on his day off (dependent on his rosta). He does nothing with this time, unless I ask him to do some jobs. If I had that time to myself I would be doing some of hobbies that I never seem to get the chance.
It's headspace I need. But where, when & how?!!

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