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Nearly 13 years in... what's right?

(6 Posts)
JoQ1981 Sun 25-Oct-15 08:57:53

We've been together 12.5 years. No kids. I would like them but time is running away and it doesn't seem like the right time.

He's the sweetest kindest man, good looking and most people would say I'm crazy.

I just don't feel in love anymore. I don't think I have for a few years. I hate the thought of sex with him.

I want it to work, what if I leave him, hurt him, find someone else then feel like this again after a few years? Am I giving up too easily? Should I try to make it work?

I made a huge mistake 5 years ago. I fell for someone else and we told each other. We kissed but never slept together. Its tainted the relationship but for that very reason, should I not try even harder?

Thanks for listening

antimatter Sun 25-Oct-15 09:16:27

IMHO if you say I hate the thought of sex with him and He's the sweetest kindest man you are acknowledging you are good friends.
In my experience is better to end a relationship when you are still on good terms.
It will take you some time to get to know who you are as a single person. Because you probably pretended that you love him.

So don't rush into a new relationship very soon.

Imgivinguponyou Sun 25-Oct-15 09:18:12

It sounds as if the relationship has run its course. It happens.

If it's not the right time for children after thirteen years, it probably never will be.

If you can't bear sex with him, then ime, that won't change either.

I would make plans to end the relationship myself. Are you married?

JoQ1981 Sun 25-Oct-15 10:26:57

No we're not married.

Thanks for the advice. I'm torn. Maybe we need to have a break to see how we both feel?

I did used to love him so much. Its not like its never been right.

BeyonceRiRiMadonnna Sun 25-Oct-15 10:32:22

I hate the thought of sex with him. How does one become re-attracted (is that a word?!?) to someone? You're wasting your time and his.

Leave the poor guy. Both of you deserve the chance to find real happiness. Don't string him along. Sometimes you need to take a risk.....being single IS also an option OP.

JoQ1981 Sun 25-Oct-15 11:48:15

OK so people in a happy relationship are attracted to their partner?

You read so much about relationships changing. That eventually it comes about companionship and liking to spend time together (which we do) and less about sex?

Everyone telling me to give up - have your relationships lasted longer or are you looking at this from the perspective of your vision of what you imagine your relationship will be like in a few years? 6 years ago I don't think I could have imagined not having this passion.

Part of me believes this is just what happens and that I've made it significantly worse by having an emotional affair and neglecting things.

If I do end it. I need to make sure I'm doing it for the right reasons. I am scared of being single but I'm more scared of making a mistake.

I'll also be putting the nail in the coffin of having children due to my age.

I hope this post doesn't come across as unappreciative of the comments, I really do value you taking the time to listen, I'm just very stressed and finding it hard to express myself.

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