Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

AIBU to think that they were very unfair on me, after ExH affairs

(19 Posts)
ILiveAtTheBeach Sat 24-Oct-15 21:40:58

This has niggled me for ages! I have left ExH and have moved on, so I am already sorted and in a better place. But would love opinions on his families reaction to our split. ExH had lots of infidelities. 10 women that I know of. He tried to get it on with every single friend of mine, also my sister & my mum (!). He had lots of nights away from home. As I was leaving, he slept with my best friend (ex bf now of course). Anyway, and bearing in mind we were together 20 years, his whole family (his Mum, Dad and 3 sisters) have completely disowned me. Their stance is that he did some stuff that he shouldn't have done, but my crime is far worse as I broke up the family!

Smellyoulateralligator Sat 24-Oct-15 21:45:37

Fuck them. Obviously in their case the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

I'm glad things are looking up for you now. Life with him sounds like it was a nightmare flowers

TimeToMuskUp Sat 24-Oct-15 21:46:48

I think that as awful as it is, some families really do believe in the blood is thicker than water thing. When I broke up with DS1's Dad his Mum visited me and asked me to try and promise that no matter how awful things became that she wouldn't lose her Grandson. Almost 9 years later I still stop in when I go past for a cup of tea, she comes here for Christmas and birthdays, DS2 knows her as Nanna, it's the nicest possible relationship to hope for with an Ex MIL.

Sadly, your Ex's family aren't that way inclined. They undoubtedly are being harsh on you, but is it really much of a loss if they think so badly of you for breaking up what must have been a desperately unhappy marriage? Head up, shoulders straight and try to let it go. There's no better way to upset folk like that than to be happy and secure in your new life.

Savagebeauty Sat 24-Oct-15 21:46:51

Yes fuck them.
They have no morals .

SpongeBobJudgeyPants Sat 24-Oct-15 21:48:01

Similar-ish thing happened to me. Yes, it's pants I agree. I find time has stopped me feeling quite so bitter.

Chillyegg Sat 24-Oct-15 21:50:19

Fuck them, clearly not worth knowing if they think their son/brother is ok to participate in that behaviour.
Well done for leaving the bastard cakeflowers

starlight2007 Sat 24-Oct-15 21:50:31

You didn't break up the family ..He did..You just reused to put up with his behaviour any longer.

You deserve better

QuiteLikely5 Sat 24-Oct-15 21:50:35

Please stop focusing on those few people. You do not need there approval in life. After all they made the terror that is your ex.

Look forward, not back and forget about them. They are in the past now.

ILiveAtTheBeach Sat 24-Oct-15 21:54:29

Thank you so much guys. I have held that in for so long. x

Penfold007 Sat 24-Oct-15 22:01:12

Seriously, why would you want to be connected to his family?

Clutterbugsmum Sat 24-Oct-15 22:38:29

Standard pass the blame as no one in their family could be so awful.

They have to blame some one else and that's you. I suspect if they voiced any of this to friends then most will turn round and tell them the truth that you did not break up the marriage he did, you only moved on to protect yourself.

On the other hand be thankful you no longer have to waste any of you time with them.

MissMarpleCat Sat 24-Oct-15 22:41:40

Yep, another fuck em from me.

Dragonsdaughter Sat 24-Oct-15 22:46:40

Fuck them and fuck him :p

Partyplanningismygame Sat 24-Oct-15 22:53:40

You're lucky.
Exmil told me I was a vicious jealous bitch for trying to break up my ex and his ow, despite the fact that he still lived in our family home and we were very much together confused and to add insult to injury, she's just had a major rant at me that I should have some sympathy for him that he has to pay rent aswell as maintenance.

They are messed up enablers you are better off out of it, I'd I could change my circumstances I would never see them again.

TaliZorahVasNormandy Sat 24-Oct-15 23:01:16

Party, you should have told her to pay it for him since she has obviously never made him responsible for anything in his life.

Op fuck them and the horse they rode in on. If I had a son that did that shit to his DW, I'd make him feel about 5 years old again.

Partyplanningismygame Sat 24-Oct-15 23:12:12

Tali, the reason why she's pissed off and blaming me, is because he borrowed money off of her after he gave me cm then went out and pissed his wages up the wall. And of course it's my fault. angry

TaliZorahVasNormandy Sat 24-Oct-15 23:29:26

Yes, because how dare you expect him to support his children.

I do wonder if they would rather their grandchildren go without.

blueshoes Sat 24-Oct-15 23:30:32

You can see where he gets it from.

TheExMotherInLaw Sun 25-Oct-15 00:20:50

Well, as an ex-mil myself, you usually have to stand by your own child to some extent - you're stuck with them, after all, even if they're rotters! One of my exsonsinlaw I would not be able to be in the same room as, would not be able to speak to, would like to wreak painful vengeance upon.
I'd manage to be civil, maybe even friendly, to other exsoninlaw, if I were to meet him, although it's taken a few years to forgive him, although I do understand his actions. However, I'm still FB friends with his mum, as is my son, although they're not as close as they used to be, of course. No kids involved in either relationship, tho, which makes a difference, and each marriage lasted less than 5 years.
When there are children involved, then it is a totally different situation, and more people need to get a grip and behave like the caring adults they are supposed to be.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: