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do i fancy my mate or what?

(5 Posts)
azimazi Sat 24-Oct-15 00:37:09

hello all... long story short, am LP with one DS aged 3, not had a shag since I split up with exP (2.5 years ago). ExP was hard work and continues to be hard work (not much help) and so I am somewhat love starved for the last few years and had a really hard time of things. Life is not easy.

Ended up shagging a very good mate of over 15 years on my first night out in 3 years the other day. Was drunk as anything. Never really fancied him before (he's slightly eccentric and not really what I would go for - not really good looking) however the sex was good and it was nice (albeit hungover). Possibly as we have a long term connection as mates. I am now a bit confused as to whether I have feelings for him or not - am I just love starved, did the sex make me feel lusty??

He is the last person I would expect to fall for. I quite fancy a "friends with benefits" relationship but it might be odd with an old mate. Also one I don't really physically fancy. That said he's a nice guy, intelligent, he makes me laugh, he's a loyal mate, and it's never the ones you expect to fall for, is it?

Erk what to do, what to do. I'm sure he might go for it if I suggested we should meet again. He doesn't live nearby, so am not likely to see him for a while. Nor go out for a while (I have no family nearby to babysit!) to meet anyone else. So... should I ask him to meet up again in a "special" way? Or would I regret it?

noclueses Sat 24-Oct-15 00:53:23

did he say anything? Did he show he fancied you previously? If not to both, then maybe it was just a drunken thing. See what he comes up with, why put pressure on yourself at this point? If he suggests things, you can then decide but maybe go out again without sleeoping with him and see whether you want to again or not after cooling off a bit.

azimazi Sat 24-Oct-15 00:58:38

yep, he told me he had fancied me for 15 years (probably fancied me along with every other vaguely attractive female in our social circle!). he's not the kind to have loads of girlfriends or a player, but he is an interesting guy and it stirred things in my head that haven't been stirred in years! I just don't know... I don't generally go for classically attractive guys but this guy just isn't my normal type. that said I'm surprised at the feelings that reared their head. you're right, a quiet night out / cooling off period is probably necessary. thank you smile

goddessofsmallthings Sat 24-Oct-15 03:29:39

This is where you recognise that alcohol and the company of a 'nice intelligent' guy has served to awaken your long suppressed libido,and now it's woken up it wants more.

There's no reason why a mutually pleasureable sexual encounter with your good mate of longstanding should cause you to 'fall' for him, and any feelings of june & moon & soppy tunes you may be experiencing are merely the result of social conditioning which has it that females must feel more than the physical pleasure they derive from sex if they hop into the sack with a man.

Don't rush to meet up with him. Let events follow their natural course and if it happens again, enjoy it for what it is - fun with no strings unless and until you want to be tied up with him.

Fwiw I've had more than my fair share of drop dead gorgeous guys and I've also been laughed into bed by some exceptionally funny plain ones. As time goes by gorgeous can become plain and plain can become gorgeous - it's all in the eye of the beholder and, while our eyes will persist in seeing what they want to see, we always have dominion over our emotions.

sonjadog Sat 24-Oct-15 10:08:11

Hard to tell. It might just be that you have been starved for affection and there is finally potential to get some (been there and done that myself), or this might be the start of something more.

If he has fancied you for years, then fwb is a bad idea. I think you should just go with it and see where it takes you. Be open with him about how you feel or don't feel, so that you don't build up false expectations.

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