Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Help

(6 Posts)
Abrightstar Fri 23-Oct-15 23:47:02

I've been with my husband for 12 years. We have 3 beautiful children. I am a stay at home mother and I work hard to look after them and our home. My husband is self employed and works hard, things are going well with his business and he is not at home much. I don't love him anymore. We are friends, also enemies, we live under one roof but it is only for the children. I have no one I feel I can fully open up to, no close friends. I'm from a different country and my mum is a two hour flight away. I don't have any income and everything we own is in my husbands name. I'm scared. I hate it when he touches me. He is a kind man but he has completely over powered me and I feel lost. When is it right to leave your children's father? Should your own happiness be more important than theirs? I have no one to ask advice.. Please help

Seeyounearertime Fri 23-Oct-15 23:53:29

Your own happiness will affect them very quickly.

Children have a way of sensing the atmosphere in a household. If you do not love your OH, feel repulsed by his touch, they will sense it when he near you.

I would strongly suggest you either talk to him about it, if you feel this is not possible then try
www.womensaid.org.uk

If all else fails then, assuming you live in the UK, you should be able to claim emergency housing from your local council, but try talking to CAB first:
www.citizensadvice.org.uk

Abrightstar Sat 24-Oct-15 00:03:02

Thank you but I struggle with this idea of my happiness coming before my children- they live in a nice house, they are doing well at school and have lots of friends. How do I take it all away from them because I am not happy ?? I brought them into this world. I don't know where this line is your happiness-children being happy?

Abrightstar Sat 24-Oct-15 00:12:33

I have a lot of pain from my past. I don't want to hurt anyone. My marriage was a comfort and an escape from other things. My children had no say in this. But now I'm taking anti depressants for him. He will not let me drink alcohol. How do you know if it's time to let go??

Abrightstar Sat 24-Oct-15 00:19:32

Surely other mums must struggle with their own happiness coming before children?!?!?? Help!!

goddessofsmallthings Sat 24-Oct-15 02:27:50

A "kind man" doesn't overpower his dw, nor does he put everything he jointly owns with her in his sole name.

Do child benefit payments go into your bank account or do they go into a joint account to which you have access? How do you pay for essentials such as food/clothing/outings with and without the dc etc?

Do you socialise with other couples in the company of your h? 2 hour flights aren't excessively expensive - do you spend all or any of the school holidays each year in your home country with the dc? Or does your dm fly over a couple of times a year to stay with you?

Why are you taking antidepressants "for" your h? Or are you saying that living with him has caused you to become depressed? Does your h object to you drinking because of the medication you are taking? What would he say/do if you bought a bottle of wine and poured a glass for him and one for you to have with your evening meal or Sunday lunch - do you have sufficient money of your own to buy a decent bottle of wine or would you have to ask him for the cash?

I'm asking these questions in order to get a sense of whether your dcs' later lives may be adversely affected if you stay with your h, or whether your marriage is a healthy model for them to base their adult relationships on.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now