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relationship/mental health(10 Posts)
Hi everyone I hope you are all well.
I wondered if I could ask for some advice on making sense of my life please! I will try not to drag on.
I posted her quite a few times a few month ago but my relationship issues and found it so helpful.
I have 2 dc; one is 5 from past relationship; other one is 10 months with current dp.
I have been with dp for 3 years.
I am in 3rd year at uni and dp works 6 days a week so very busy.
I have had depression since pg with ds1 but have been off med for about 3 years, just used exercise and was ok. 3/4 months ago roughly it got unbearable suddenly almost, indescribable really.i was suicidal , irrational, paranoid and not in control of myself, full of guilt and had no sense of perception, context or reality. I just wanted to take ds1 and run away. Anyway I was hospitalised and placed in a mother and baby unit with ds2. We bonded well and it helped our relationship. He's so happy and content but I honestly don't now how,i genuinely wonder why he cries for me as I don't know how he can love me.
Dp was very unsupportive, we had broken up because I caught him lying to me AGAIN regarding texting another girl, which he did a lot during our 1st year together. Had many profiles on dating/sex sites, messaged girls, took condoms to Thailand , arranged to meet girls, god knows why I stayed and did the pick me dance. Back to my hospital stay; he basically argued with doctors as to why I shouldn't be in there and how it was no good for ds2. Nurses even advised me to leave him as they had never seen that level of of defiance against a patient, poss EA. I discharged myself because dp was constantly telling me how he couldn't take time off work to help as he was going on a shooting trip.
Left hospital, meds started working, felt better, went back to uni. I will be receiving counselling through uni and they have been so supportive.
Dp away for a week last week and the 3 of us had a lovely calm week.
Dp returned, and this week I feel ill again. My tablets ran out on Sudan, and although I phoned gp last week they couldn't fit me in till tomorrow.
Probably just because my tablets have ran out that I feel so terrible again, not as bad as I was, but still I am struggling.
I want to make sense of things but I have this urge that something in my life must change. My thoughts are still warped, I still have moments were I wish it was just me and ds1 again, although I adore ds2 .
I struggle with simple tasks when I'm low..ds1 has been a few minutes late for school everyday this week, I get so stressed in the mornings. My mum came round to help me last night with dinner and bed as I was dp was in bed ill.
Dp just told me that I shouldn't be messing up these things, that getting out the door in the morning is easy, that cooking and putting the boys to bed is easy and I shouldn't make such a deal of it. He very rarely helps around the house.
I'm failing again, my essay is late, my son is late for school, I'm failing at easy tasks. I'm a failure.
Dp is stressed because he feels I do not contribute enough with money and he's annoyed because he paid my car insurance this month. I live off my student loan, for which I pay vast majority of food and toiletries, some childcare, diesel, sky, TV license etc. I used all my saving to furnish our house. Dp pays rent and has just got back from £700 trip.
Sorry to babble, thank you so much I'd you kept reading!
Also wanted to point out that I am aware that I may not be easy to live with when I'm low or stressed. And that maybe dp does think he trying his hardest with the work a d money x
Thanks vixx I thought he was perhaps...I have been in touch with woman's aid and am due to see somebody and start the freedom programme so I hope that gives me the strength I need
OP, . Can I ask you to do one thing? Re read your post and imagine a friend, or even a stranger on MN had written it.
Can you type that person a brief reply?
Then that is what you need to do. No wonder you are fucking depressed. We would all be deeply depressed living like that.
Can you mum give you some more support when you do what needs to be done?
matilda thank you.
I know what I'd write yes...I tried to leave, but because I was so low, I needed someone, anyone.and I know that as long as I act happy then he will be , so I tend to absorb blame or normalise his behaviour because I've come to learn that I cause the problem.
I am gathering strength , I feel different , sort of ambivalent towards him, but I'm still deciding whether this is how all relationships are, or just mine x
No. Normal relationships are not like this. Definitely get rl support to help you do what is needed.
Then I imagine you will feel much better. ( And PLEASE put in a reminder on your phone to get your prescription renewed regularly?)
I think your DP makes you ill, or certainly a hell of a lot worse. You have two children, university and a home to juggle. That's a lot for anybody to deal with by them self! Sounds like he's financially abusing you aswell as treating you like crap.
I don't think he means to be abusive or rude, I think I bring it put in him because he seems lovely to everyone else!
He says he feels as though he's working just to put me through university, which isn't true because I did it before he was on the scene financially living with us. But because my mh isn't great I'm not sure whether it's the illness or me that's doing the thinking, I don't trust my own judgement. And I'm worried about my dc if I leave. I just want us all to be happy and relaxed.
Thank you so much for the replies.
And yes it will make a point to remind myself to get tablets !
The fact that he is charming to everyone else means precisely that he does mean to be rude, unpleasant and selfish to you. It isn't that you bring out the worst in him.
The fact that he coerced you into leaving a safe hospital with your child before you were discharged because it was causing him inconvenience is breathtakingly awful behaviour. The fact that you half think it could be your fault is just very, very sad.
I hope WA and your family will help you dump the part. Of your life that is almost certainly contributing to your illness and preventing you from fully recovering.
Are you able to discuss this with your counsellor?
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